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January 21, 2004
My Eman

by Gillette aka Hassan[uddin] Khaja

i miss my eman
whenever i kill my heart, she beats me back to life with the qur'an
and drags me to the masjid, 'cause no one else wanted to call the adhaan
i always tell her that i miss her
but she complains that i only express my love with superficial "proud to be muslim" bumper stickers
i complain that i can't constantly feed her with dhikr
i say that blood is thick, but my love for her is even thicker
but she asks why i run away from her quicker
than people who try to trick her creator
i insist that i don't hate her
but when i see the waiter come by,
"i gotta eat, i'll make up salah later"
she complains that i only see her five times a day during prayer
but i insist that i never disobey her
she asks who i want to be with, i say her
but if i see some women, i tell her, "maybe we need some time apart."
that's when it starts
i hate the part when i blacken my heart
and she says "my lord's gonna be pissed.
soon, he's gonna send an angel to take away all of this.
death and destruction are the only women you'll ever kiss.
i'm a custom-made import sent by al-azeez to protect what's between your jaws and knees.
you'll need me if it's him you want to please.
so, you don't want me? fine! i'm gonna leave!"
she flew through the door, and i went after her, screaming "give me back my car keys!"
i saw her speed out of the driveway
i said to myself "who cares? i don't need her, i'll do things my way."
i took a look at my stuff and said, "we're fine how we are."
later, i wanted to go to the masjid, but i had no car.
"i'll just walk, it isn't far."
i needed to hurry as the sky was starting to darken
i left my house, and i saw my car, with a few minor markings
"she brought it back," i thought, "but she's terrible with parking."
so i walked into the musalla, and in the first row, who was right behind the imam,
saving a spot for me? my eman

of and relating to...
Nadia said

wow...I liked the last few lines especially, "saving a spot for me? my eman".

on January 20, 2004 8:46 PM
Wajahat Gilani said

I really felt that one.

Wajahat Gilani

on January 21, 2004 9:13 AM
Humayun said

Alhamdulilah, an excellent poem. I as well felt that one

on January 21, 2004 3:13 PM
Rami Mahmoud Elsawah said

It was very good...Alhamdulillah.

on January 22, 2004 6:51 PM
Amatullah said

Subhan'Allah this poem is excellent. You were reciting the words of the peom a little too fast so i didn't catch all the words but I'm glad I got to read it again here. Thanks!

And by leaving this comment I just wanted to put this poem back on "noisemakers"!!


on April 23, 2004 1:08 AM
Justoju said

I like the symbolization of the car.

Ok, so the point is that even if you screw up and your eman leaves you, if you make an intention to still be good (despite how hard it is to do so without your spiritual 'high'--aka emanrush for the almaghribeen--facilitating things and making the worship smooth and joyful) then it will come back and bring with it the means to facilitate your being good? Thats definitely comforting alhamdulillah...may there be clarified butter and sugar in your mouth (urdu saying).

Deeper question: if your eman completely up and left you (khudanawanakhanakhasta), what on earth would motivate you to go to a masjid? Or to do ANYTHING good. It is SUCH an immense mercy from Allah, Glorious and Exalted, that our eman never completely leaves us when we ignorantly stray from His path...but then, even if it did, He is al Ghaffur... alhamdulillah...

on April 23, 2004 1:46 AM
Ibn Muzaffar Syed Hussain said

hassan bro you never seem to amaze me...from the day mostafa introduced me to you up in newark somewhere...masha'allah...excellent poem...insha'allah let's pray that our eman/iman/imaan never leaves us...and if we feel it going away, Allah listens to the caller when he calls...

also guys i'm leaving in a week insha'allah, please keep my family in your prayers...speaking of it being hard to keep one's iman...it is extremely hard down where I'm going, countless Muslims have done alot of kabeer ithms while they are down there...we all need your prayers...

'work in this life as if you'll live forever, prepare for the Hereafter as if you'll die tomorrow'

on April 23, 2004 9:21 AM
Gillette said

"hassan bro you never seem to amaze me..."

i hope you mean "cease" and not "seem." otherwise, that would be a pretty mean thing to say.

"...from the day mostafa introduced me to you up in newark somewhere..."

it was in teaneck.

on April 23, 2004 11:16 AM
Ibn Muzaffar Syed Hussain said

sorry...ya it is cease...haha...my bad yo

on April 23, 2004 11:38 AM
Justoju said

Brother Hassan, I dont think Ibn M. really knows who you are.

on April 23, 2004 2:25 PM
Muhsin said

Brother, poem is nice but you need to not use bad words such as "pissed" it is not a good and noble word to use.
Just a suggestion


on January 9, 2005 8:20 PM
Ali Farooki said

I just wanted to dig up a classic poem from our brother hassan. If you new guys haven't read this one, read it. Personally, i think this one is sick. If this was hip-hop, these lyrics would make any album gold. Hassan put out some more raw stuff like this man.

on January 12, 2006 4:05 PM
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