I divorce you I divorce you I divorce youIndeed, it is a time of cowards. So I set out to investigate what was causing this desperate desire for the Great Hookup. What did I find? Were the beards really growin' and the brows left un-threaded? Were the kufis being worn and the hijabs being tightened? Was the thawb and the 'abaya truly being donned? Was the scent of 'oud aromafying the surroundings? Read on, brothers and sisters, read on for the truth.... The number one danger towards the one who is single, is to be around those who have newly become doubles. It's been referred to in the past as The Fever. The Fever is not just the feeling that one needs to get hitched, it's the malady that causes such feelings simply from having attended the hitching ceremonies of all-too-many people in an all-too-short amount of time. For proof of the existence of this syndrome, please go up to any brother (Though I claim to know their perspective as well, out of respect, I shall take the fifth as far as sisters are concerned) during the summer, especially during this Summer of a Thousand Weddings. You'll hear the usual talk of empty hearts needing companionship, of guys swooning over she who looked back and if you're around one after someone else's wedding, a feeling of slight dejection rather than complete happiness for his just betrothed brother and sister. The Fever is a powerful thing, taking over the life of he or she who is stung by it, causing him or her to find themselves raising their hands to Allah every night, asking for either the filling of their empty hearts or at the very least a respite from their feelings. So, brothas and sistas, if you find yourself in this most unwanted predicament, the prescription is as follows:
So who's the lucky sister?
"THere is ONE person for whom you are mean, inshaAllah"
What about polygamy?
If anyone thinks that Talal should start writing for hidaya, e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell him to write every week.
I vote that he should.on March 3, 2004 9:58 AM
Aslaam Aleikum Warahmatulah Wabarakatu,
"...he could always give me a call anytime he feels lonely at that hour."
Hehehe...I like that one.
Oh, and you are also definitely right about one thing; that is the first time I ever heard the second part of that hadith....quite interesting indeed.on March 3, 2004 5:20 PM
When I googled "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion..." the first time that the hadith showed up (with the second half) was on a Christian website (http://www.church-weddings.co.uk/islamicindex.htm)
Mashallah. An amazing article. Couldn't stop laughing.lol@Br.Gillette's comment. Yes, you should definitely start writing on a weekly basis. All hidaya seekers here won't mind a little bit of laughter once a week. May Allah(swt) give you and all others who are going through hard times due to the loss or sickness of someone patience and courage. Ameen.on March 3, 2004 8:28 PM
The funny thing is, half of the articles on this site are about marriage.on March 4, 2004 11:47 AM
Our Prophet (SAW) said
"O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066
Maybe this point can be added to the cure posted above? Well written Mahsallah
I also vote for Mr. Talal to write every week.on March 5, 2004 6:27 AM
the funny thing is that my sister is getting married in two weekson March 6, 2004 1:05 PM
"The funny thing is, half of the articles on this site are about marriage."
NO, the funniest thing is that the people who make these type of remarks are the people usually looking to get married :)
he hits his points home in a nice way ^_^ anywayz, i just knew this site (smile)on March 8, 2004 8:06 AM
"Were the beards really growin and the brows left un-threaded?"
I know many sisters with beards. mashaAllah.
Bro Talal-- please write every week so that the amusement may continue.
Oh and rambling side note w/advice-- there might be the slight chance that she is willing to forego the washing machine and wash all the laundry by hand...because she would much rather have you spend that money financing a study trip for the two of you to the mideast so that you may both become of the ulema...
now THAT is called providing...
So never underestimate the power of attraction an islamicly ambitious roadmap into the future holds...with many femmes it is what makes or breaks the guy's luck with her...much like whether or not he has a decent beard...
but either way, ur gonna need the benjamin$ cuz I am sure by this point she is very much attached to her other kidney (as well as other in-demand organs) and wont relish the mujahida of rowing her way around the Cape of Good Hope...on March 18, 2004 1:45 PM
That was hilarious and needed.. so is this stuff copyrighted? IQRA Online, of RU-Newark, would love to use this one for our upcoming issue.on March 19, 2004 1:28 AM
Sister(I'm guessin) Jannah,
Since ye asked, you can go ahead and use the piece if you really want to. Just include something like "from hidayaonline.com" inshaAllah.
InshaAllah I'll formalize the "licensing" of articles in the coming weeks, until then, just ask, and you shall receive.
To the author: May we use this for publication in the Islamic Center of MN Newsletter?
email@example.com March 22, 2004 11:53 AM
Wow nice article mashllah.
I feel like singing romantic Indian songs now......on March 22, 2004 5:01 PM
yes, like the super hit "bas aik washing machine chahiyay...aashiqui kai liyay"on March 22, 2004 5:08 PM
i'd love to meet you :)on March 22, 2004 10:33 PM
JazakAllah khair sister Saima for your kindness :). I believe that for the sake of truth (and beneficial levity), some things need to be said. At the same time I am very big on people not exposing the recesses of their personality and showing their deeply 'personal' and witty side to every/any nonmahram that comes along.
I generally like to be honest with the people who I interact with and am willing to lay my heart and emotions bare for the sake of sincerity when I write--and I dont think any nonmahram has the right to know that side of me. So the solution: write incognito...So sweetheart, that is why I prefer to write under anonymity and if I thought people knew who I was, I wouldnt write :).
Who knows, you might even bump into me tommorrow;)
WasalaamuAlaikumon March 23, 2004 1:15 AM
(c:on March 24, 2004 12:22 AM
I guess I was the honored soul to bump into her today!!!on March 24, 2004 12:50 AM
Asma, you are lucky you are a girl. If you were a guy I would have been forced to have my tribe of paan-spitting bearded aborigines hunt you down by scent, perform a ritual spear-dance around your bound and gagged vicco turmeric ayurvedic cream marinated body, and then stone you with old foot-crust covered masjid chappals for having thus dishonored me...but ur a girl and I like you so is all good:)
on March 24, 2004 1:27 AM
Dude...the marriage market is all tech. based now...ahem ahem:
And the way it's going..I may be the last person on earth who refuses to naseeb it..
if u don't know what I'm talking about...be patient grasshopper...you'll check your email one day lo behold the invitation will be there...on March 29, 2004 3:08 AM
Sarah's right, everyone and their moms is on naseeb... its not so bad if u can dodge all the shady ppl on it.
anyways, i was wondering if its okay if i post this article in my profile, cuz it is just too hilarious. and yes i would include the link and give credit to the author.
-Ayahon March 31, 2004 5:09 PM
Alhamdulillah... my ummi's as far away from Naseeb as possible.
and yes, includeth the credit and a link, and ye be free to use.
and yeah, naseeb doesn't look good on ya. Keep away from that nonsense.
on March 31, 2004 5:24 PM
Yeah I agree, the article was hilarious but it did address a key issue, the amount of divorces that are among our youth have increased tremendously, I mean back home, who marries for love anyone, its all arranged as mine will be also. But I really dont give a damn because as long as my mom is happy, I am happy for to make ummi and abati happy. You just cant be selfish and in America, muslim youth have been brought up to be so self-centered. Its hard for folks to sacrfice and compromise for their family's sake whereas back home alot of people maybe not everyone really foregoes what they want and just focus on other folks rights. I mean people should also know about the saying or hadith that you should marry a pious person so that even if he does not like your daughter he will treat her right. I think if you just remember that, even if your spouse is not perfect and you dont like them but both of you fear Allaah and are very mature it might work out and you dont have to end in divorce or anything and piousness and taqwa is not something superficial like a beard or jilbaab. A lot of older women say that American Muslim girls really dont know how to be Muslim, they think wearing hijaab and jilbaab is everything and they are the greatest Muslims ever; its everything if your parents hook you up with someone overseas and he doesnt speak English and you marry him only because your parents want you to, then that is everything.
Well anyways, I dont mean to point fingers or anything.
Just pray for me brothers and sisters.
That my parents are always happy with me.
Wasalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullaah.
I have enjoyed two arranged marriages in my life, both to men that my parents picked out for me from a small village off the GT road in Pakistan. I was very happy with them alhamdulillah. I always had fresh firewood. And they always wore their finest satin dhotis for me. American men dont know how to treat a woman right.on April 1, 2004 12:49 AM
It is encouraging to see someone honoring their parents, but its is also important to remember that when it comes to marriage, parents must also give their daughters just rights as ordained by Allah through his Messenger (S).
Aaah, Bint Abbas,
typical American Behavior, you fell out of love with your first husband and got divorced and married another guy from the village, tsk, tsk.
Seriously, though I would like to contribute articles to this newsletter, who do I have to email to and stuff.
Abdullah Somebodyon April 2, 2004 3:06 PM
My husbands and life are not a joke. The first mixed too much of his saliva with the paan he was chewing and choked. The second met his Lord after a freak bhangra accident. I miss them both very much.on April 2, 2004 3:41 PM
was he doing disco bhangra ? (C:on April 2, 2004 6:06 PM
salam alaikum everyone,
very nice article talal, as usual...ure amusement is well received, by eveyone i'm sure...bintAbbas enough joking around :)...and any suggestion for my next article...insha'allah i'm thinking of something to write about...
keep up the good work t
'work in this life as if you'll live forever, prepare for the Hereafter as if you'll die tomorrow'
disco bhangra? No, he wasnt gay.on April 3, 2004 1:53 AM
Let's either curtail this talk of poor ol' past spouses and loved ones, or at least take it away from Hidaya, inshaAllah.
This topic spells t-r-o-u-b-l-e. Now onto the Washing Machine...on April 3, 2004 12:57 PM
As I was asking, I wanted to write an article also for this newsletter, who do I have to send it to and stuff. Also, for the next article, I guess you can do something on "standing up for the truth" and not being afraid. I see many Muslims in USA afraid to say that injustices are being committed and afraid if topics like these are discussed. Another article suggestion could be the rights of parents on children and the rights of children on parents( I dont know if you guys have already done this). Also, how about sabr and shukr.
Anyone looking to post for this newsletter, send your:
Some idea of what you want to write about.
If you want to write weekly or bi-weekly
Whether or not you're an RU student/alumni
or contact Tala@eden.rutgers.edu
I think the announcement for new writers sought had been up for months but it has been taken down. I think that because most of the writing spots have been taken. Anyway contact Talal.
Faisal Akhtaron April 3, 2004 2:22 PM
good article, now i'd like to hear one about intercultural marriages.. that's a toughieon April 30, 2004 9:17 PM
got connections with peeps workin' at Sears, can getcha DISCOUNTS (halla!) on washing machines insha'Allah, more than happy to help ma bruvaz out. bukhari bruva hadith in full effect! fi emanillah. 1. :)
-Han, NYCon May 1, 2004 2:36 AM
Whaaaa? I dont even 'understand' what that last sentence meant...
Could this mean I am not ghetto? That would be terrible.on May 1, 2004 3:10 PM
Justaju, just quit actin jewish,
Leave Han alone he can't help it if he is ghetto fabulous :P
Its just like having a london accent or a slurr, one can't help it, cause its part of one's background
Doesn't mean he is any less of a person/muslim
So don't HATE appreciate!
"Its just like having a london accent or a slurr, one can't help it, cause its part of one's background. Doesn't mean he is any less of a person/muslim"
WHOA where did all THAT come from? Shoot, I was just makin fun of myself for my lack of updated slang comprehension!on May 4, 2004 9:22 PM
lol! Calm down fellow Muslims, be eeezzz!! hehe itz all good in da hooood. 50% off washing machines just for you two. hmm! :Pon May 5, 2004 5:35 PM
This was truly a great read :) A topic which needs to be stressed more amongst our fellow Muslim youth. Oh, bro lay off on the jokes hahah I can't seem to keep a straight face while reading hahaha (just pulling your leg bro) , keep up the great work. You held my attention all throughout the read (whereby I mostly despise reading, this was pretty good)
Ma salaama for now
on May 7, 2004 11:20 AM
Good Readon November 3, 2004 6:39 PM
Assalam o Aliqum,
A beautifully written article. The argument was very convincing and unorthodox, i would definitly like to read such piece of writings in future as well InshahAllah.So Mr. Talal Sarwani you have my vote as well.
Assalam a laikum,
A definite vote for Talal to write every week. Is there any chance of getting a message mailed to us telling us a new article is online?
Jazark Allahon February 11, 2005 6:10 PM
As salaamu alekum,
Id love to see more articles by you man. May Allah bless you for your efforts, As salaamu alekum. - Owaison June 12, 2005 3:19 PM
lol ur SO funny ... oh man i fell off my chair while reading this... all of this is soo true.. i always wanted 2 say sumthing like this...
*Asra*on June 12, 2005 4:20 PM
This is a really good article. Exactly what some people need to hear. I went to six shaadis this summer, and all I kept hearing was single girls complain about how they NEED someone.
So many of my friends spend hours on websites (and MSA events) trying to find a good companion. Meanwhile, our non-Muslim counterparts worry about school, careers, politics, the environment, current events, etc. (ok, well some Muslim students do too)
I'm sick and tired of college students say things such as: "I want to get married so we can tour the world together" or "I want a beautiful house." And once that's not provided to them, they ask for divorce.
Please keep writing these articles and cure (as you put it) "The Fever." It's hard enough having aunties tell you that you need to get married. Don't need your peers doing it.on August 30, 2005 9:09 AM
""I'm sick and tired of college students say things such as: "I want to get married so we can tour the world together" or "I want a beautiful house." And once that's not provided to them, they ask for divorce.""
Hahahaha...this is hilarious!
I think the above summarizes our situation well; this is limited not just to creature comforts but also to varying expectations between the newly married...we are eager to jump into a marriage blindly, but then start criticizing bit by bit without understanding and without patience.
Getting married is the easier part-its fast and quick. Maintaining a "healthy" marriage, however, takes all your wits and care for the rest of your life!
I think Deen is distinct from the 'worldly' rights of bonding with a companion who shares the same concerns and worries. Our bodies have rights over us. And a good balance between the normative and the personal ought to be created and sustained - regarding something as pure and delicate as a marital bond. It is just like a binding loan contract, with legal implications and the un dismiss able state of minds and hearts which may be induced due to properly fulfilling our responsibilities in the roles of husbands and wives or in case of not fulfilling them.
Taqwah is piety and Ian is faith. Please read Ayat 35 in Surah 33 (Al-Hazb).
Choices are ultimately ours so purity of conscience, I think is more important to develop love out of love's sake, then due to pressures around us as young Muslims and culture driven or harassed machines.on February 20, 2006 8:21 AM
jazakAllah brother for writing this
id just like to say in regards to sister mahwish's comment abt how girls are always talking about all the things they want from marriage
"I want to get married so we can tour the world together" or "I want a beautiful house." And once that's not provided to them, they ask for divorce.
having desires is fine, its part of being human, but striving for jannah (iA) which ultimately should be all of our goals requires a lot more sacrifice, and better yet in terms of finding "the one" should be someone who strives to be closer to Allah and marries with the understanding that the two ppl should be helping and sacrificing to strengthen each other's imaans and that marriage isnt necessarily all about recieving worldly rewards.
may Allah guide us All on the right path. Ameenon March 2, 2006 6:44 PM
There are two chains for this hadith in the Sunan of Abi Dawud. Shaykh Al-Albani has declared them both to be weak (#2177 and 2178 in Sunan Abi Dawud).
However, instead of deleting the phrase from this article in its entirety, I edited it to say, "That trouble has manifested itself into one of the hated of what is Halaal: Talaq (Divorce)."
I left this in because divorce, as initiated by either the man or the woman, is makrooh:
Shaykh Ibn âUthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The basic principle concerning divorce is that it is makrooh, and the evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says concerning those who swore not to have intercourse with their wives for four months (interpretation of the meaning):
âThose who take an oath not to have sexual relation with their wives must wait for four months, then if they return (change their idea in this period), verily, Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
227. And if they decide upon divorce, then Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knowerâ
This (the phrase âthen Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knowerâ) is a kind of warning, whereas in the case of taking back the wife, Allaah says, âverily, Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Mercifulâ. This indicates that divorce is not liked by Allaah, and that the basic principle is that divorce is makrooh. End quote.
Al-Sharh al-Mumtiâ, 10/428
In short, the fact that divorce is makrooh means that it's permissible, but hated. But the fact that it's the "most hated" can't be proven by the popular [weak] hadiths.
On another note, in case this hadith is widespread:
This is what has been narrated from âAli ibn Abi Taalib (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
âDo not issue divorce, for the Throne shakes because of divorce.â
Narrated by Ibn âAdiyy in al-Kaamil (5/112) and by al-Khateeb in Tareekh Baghdaad (12/191), and via Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Mawdooâaat (2/277), via âAmr ibn Jumayâ from Juwaybir from al-Dahhaak from al-Nazzaal ibn Sabrah from âAli ibn Abi Taalib (may Allaah be pleased with him).
Ibn al-Jawzi said:
It is a mawdooâ (fabricated) hadeethâ¦ âAmr ibn Jumayâ used to narrate munkar ahaadeeth from prominent people, and mawdooâ ahaadeeth from sound narrators. End quote.
He was [classified] as daâeef (weak) and a fabricator by many scholars, including the following:
Al-Khateeb al-Baghdaadi in Tareekh Baghdaad (12/187), Ibn al-Qaysaraani in Dhakheerat al-Huffaaz (2/1147), al-Sakhaawi in al-Maqaasid al-Hasanah (p. 31), al-Shawkaani in al-Fawaaâid al-Majmooâah (p. 139), al-Sanâaani and al-âAjlooni in Kashf al-Khafaâ (1/361), and al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Daâeefah (1/278, hadeeth no. 147).
gilletteon August 11, 2006 10:44 AM
br. talal, I know you answered this earlier to another newsletter organization but just checking in case you changed your mind in the last 2 years: is it okay to publish this in a university MSA newspaper? this piece is just that timeless. I'll make sure proper credit + a link to hidayaonline is included.
thanks.on February 5, 2007 9:57 PM
Bro. Talal is currently out of the country and, from what I know, it might be difficult for him to respond to your request. You can republish this as long as the author and the website are properly credited. Also, this can't be republished commercially.
To clarify, you don't need written permission to republish any work from HidayaOnline.com as long as the conditions are fulfilled.on February 5, 2007 11:23 PM