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May 15, 2004
His Reflection

by Justoju

I float face-down
Content in the blackness
Smiling, frown upside-down.

Silently drowning, as I should.
Few moments left to go
Don’t know it, life rhythm feels good

I feel a tug, a shiver’s shake
I kick at its source
I resent the cold wave I make

It comes again, unbegotten unforgotten
It is pulling
My smile sinks to the bottom

I reach out for the sinking smile
And see my hand after ages
I had forgotten I had it all this while

The pulling continues, claiming me
I struggle
Tears mixing with the salty sea

He changes my direction
Or maybe that of the darkness
“He knows”: The sole conviction.

Now I face the mirror
I am hideous
I look away from the Revealer

I cry
Knowing my worth. Knowing its value.
Suddenly seeing the lie and the ‘why’. I cry.

I see those pools in the mirror
The mirror sees itself in the pools
Infinity in between. Mirrors within mirrors

Now my tears drying in the air
Now the air becoming the tears.
The pools are gone. Vision’s throne left bare.

Years pass
Or maybe seconds. It never matters.
Measurements don’t last.

I yearn to show the mirror what it is
To reflect the mirror as it reflects
That is the purpose: The ‘Ana’ to be His

In those tears I lose the self.
In those tears exists the Self.
For in those tears He sees Himself

of and relating to...
Talal said

MashaAllah... truly poetic stuff, which makes it a bit hard to "comment" on.

I was wondering about the "The ‘Ana’ to be His"
part... Did you mean that in the sense of one thinking and doing with a "Me, myself and I" mindset, and that what needs to take place is a realization that all should be in terms of "His"?

The other thing that threw me off a bit was the last line: "For in those tears He sees Himself".
Himself as in "himself", or meaning that the cause of the tears was due to a one realizing they had not submitted themself to the Almighty.

on May 15, 2004 5:56 PM
Justoju said

When an author spends too much time explaining his poetry, the only 'meaning' he gets across is his own arrogance and pride in his thoughts. I would like to see others try to answer your questions. The interpretation people come to as a result of their trying to solve the puzzle of a poem is far more valuable than the interpretation that is given to them by the author.

hint: every word is deliberate. Symbols are many. Everything follows from what came before it.

on May 15, 2004 7:12 PM
Talal said

Good answer.

on May 15, 2004 8:04 PM
Nadia said

Wow, Mashallah. This is very deep and beautiful. I will read it in detail Inshallah and will try to put forth my explanations for Brother Talal's queries.

on May 16, 2004 1:13 AM
Saima said


simplicity in words reflects emotions on a grander scale.

on May 20, 2004 12:02 AM
undercover_hijabi said


MashaAllah this is real good awesome stuff...as suggested by justujou..lemme try to interpret it and share wiht you as to what all I think it cud be :)

The scene described here is that of an unborn child. In stanza's 1 and 2, he enjoys the peace and happenings inside his mother's womb...upside down, drowning and life's rythm being good...implies his content blissful state.

Stanza 3 is abt the affect of first contraction pain on the baby...his kicking back and resenting it..the contractions get quicker and faster as described in stanza4 causing the baby to let lose his grip (i assume his thumb sucking is disrupted causing him to feel his hand for the first time..dunno...maybe im wrong :| )

The baby enters the dunya finally in stanza 6 aftre all the struggle and his tears mixing wiht the amniotic fluid...(hmm maybe im wrong here..coz lacrymal glands are not developed in a baby for quite a few days)...

Now that the baby is out..stanza 8 onward describes his condition when he is an upright human...and his search for Allah SWT. The mirror mentoned here is Allah SWT himself... further portion of the poem describes his anxiety and awful state because of which he is unworthy of Allah SWT 's deedaar.

OMG!!..It just struck me that this poem does not at all describe the human birth! :P
If u look at this way..it describes the attempt to connect between a mortal soul and the ALMIGHTY ALLAH SWT!

The "face down" refers to one in Sajdah..."the the hand"being the qalb as Prophet SAW said in one of the hadiths..."He knows" refering the Allah selecting the Chosen ones worthy of enligthnement (like the Awliya)...

Ya Allah...My mind is full of so many things now...sister justujou..just correct me if im on the right track..and ill move forward with my possible interpretation...

WOW!..the more I reflect on this...the more Im loving it!..Allahu Akbar!!

on April 10, 2006 2:06 PM
undercover_hijabi said

uc_h calling out to justuju...uc_h calling out to justujou....hello...do u read me?

on April 10, 2006 11:59 PM
Justoju said

"If u look at this way..it describes the attempt to connect between a mortal soul and the ALMIGHTY ALLAH SWT!"

You are definitely on the right track :).

on April 11, 2006 6:08 AM
writer#34 said


What does Undercover Hijabi really mean...its sort of Oxymoron...

I mean, Hijab is visual and evident for anyone to see...one cant be a Hijabi and be hiding it from others...

Maybe its either of the three:

Either you wear Hijab only when you are in muslim gatherings...so you are not a hijabi (all the time) but a Hijabi undercover...

Secondly, it could be that you are literally using the word as is...meaning, a Hijabi is always "undercover" a piece of cloth or chadar, or Burqah, or Khimaar and so on...

The third could be that you dont wear a Hijaab, but that you do Hijaab in other ways (subtle ways), which is Hijaab of eye and ears and speech...

Allahu Aalim

Maybe there is another point or reason that has escaped me...


on April 11, 2006 5:05 PM
undercover_hijabi said


My choice of pen-name seems to be percieved wrongly by you, brother...Till date I had never thought of the possible implications of its meanings. As you have brought it out..I hope to make myself more clear.

Undercover_hijabi describes my state in the public sphere. The "undercover" aspect refers to my condition in my pre-hijab days. As a small girl, I was diagnosed with vitiligo and by the age of 10, my skin was devoid of any melanocytes giving me a chalky white appearance. The discrimination and apathy I felt at that stage, coupled wiht my doctors advice to stay away from extreme sunlight put me under-covers barring my face and hands. My creeping anxiety, anger and feeling of being discriminated and unjustly wronged by the Almighty led me to find out more and more abt the status of women in Islam, specifically abt hijab and the Divine Decree in all matters to happen. I must admit what started off as a doctor's prescription evetually led me to don hijab by the time i entered grade 5 in school. Since then I am Alhumdulillah more positive, strong and brave abt my skin condition. Hijab has liberated my mind and body in the truest sense of the term.

Nonetheless, I still am a victim of discrimination, at college and in public places. I personally did not feel it so much so during my years of schooling in NJ but an unsightly white hand and face can draw a lot of unwanted attention in the bustling city of Bombay.

Truly spekaing, I am a bit ruffled by yr comment of me being a part-time hijabi. Hijab means more than anything else in the world to me. Without it I feel naked and stripped off my modesty. My soul feels exposed and bare. I could never and I pray to Allah SWT that I do never fall so low in my Iman.

I hope this makes a lot of things clear abt my pen-name. Currently I am considering to take up niqab full-time, but my nafs is somewhat at battle with me. I request you to make dua for me to win against all these baser issues in life.

“Allahumar hamnee bitarkil ma’aasee abadammaa abqaytanee warahmnee an atakalafa maalaa ya’neenee warzuknee husnan nadharifee maa urdeeka ‘annee
O my Allah U! Show mercy unto me so that as long as You keep my alive I may give up sins and show mercy unto me so that I may not involve myself in works which may be of no use to me and bestow upon me the care of those things that may please You with me!

Laa howla wa la quwwata illa billahil aliyyil 'azeem.

Wailakum salam

P.S.: This dejavu has made me mentally exhausted ..so InshaAllah I shall post my interpretation of the poem in my next visit. Jazakallah!

on April 12, 2006 1:13 AM
writer#34 said

Laa howla wa la quwwata illa billahil aliyyil 'azeem

Salaam Ukhti:

First and foremost, my sincerest apologies, for ruffling your Disposition...Subhan'Allah...that was not my intention.

Masha'Allah, your response is nothing short of inspirational for all fellow muslims...Wallahi, It's my honor to be your muslim brother...Walhamdulillah!

Allah in HIS infinte wisdom, wanted all of us to hear your story, to reflect upon and to ponder deeply in every word of your narration...

I now think, undercover_hijabi has to be the best nick ever used on Hidayonline...Masha'Allah.

May Allah bless your days & nights sister....may sorrow never overtake your heart and may you smile forever...may each of your day, month, and year be better than the previous one...and may your status be elevated among the saleh'heens in this life and in Jannatul Firdaus...Ameeen

Oh by the way, I am eagerly looking forward to your comments on Sister Justoju's poem...whenever you feel like writing it...insha'Allah.

your sincere brother asif

on April 12, 2006 2:09 AM
writer#34 said

Assalaamu Alaikum All:

Please make DUA for the speedy recovery of Sheikh Muhammad Al-Yaqoubi's daughter Aiesha, and make DUA for rahma and maghfirah for his wife UmmIbrahim who passed away in an accident and may Allah accept her in Jannah-tul-Firdaus...Ameen.

Here is the announcement from Zaytuna Institute:

"Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji ‘un.
We are deeply saddened to announce that our beloved teacher Shaykh Muhammad al-Yaqoubi's wife, Umm Ibrahim, who was dearly loved by many, passed away today in a car accident. Their daughter, Aisha, also in the accident, is in the hospital. Please make sincere du’a for all of them. We will have a khatam of Qur'an for them at Zaytuna on Saturday, April 15th at 6pm in sha Allah. To God we belong and to Him we shall all Return."


on April 12, 2006 1:38 PM
Justoju said


Umm Ibrahim was 5 months pregnant when she passed away. Her three surviving children are all under the age of 9 and do not yet know that their mother passed away 2 days ago.

This woman was known for endless khidmah of students of 'ilm, untiring ibadah (minimum of 100 nafls a day), and her zuhd and scrupulousness.

Please include her in your duas.


on April 12, 2006 4:34 PM
writer#34 said


Sister J: Do you know how old was UmmIbrahim?

Inna-lil-la-hi wa-inna ilay-hi rajae-oun

on April 12, 2006 6:12 PM
Justoju said

She was in her early 30s.

on April 13, 2006 5:29 AM
writer#34 said


I keep thinking of how Sheikh Muhammad Yaqubi is dealing with this loss...This is a mighty test from Allah on him...May Allah make this easy for him, and on his family, and may Allah accept the Sheikh as his beloved slave, and may HE gather all of his family in Jannatul-Firdaus...Ameen

I probably would have crumbled, shattered, and become disintegrated...to loose my wife and my unborn kid, and have another daughter in critical state...all in one instance...Subhan'Allah...I dont think my heart is that strong to take this kind of loss...

May Allah bless all Muslimeen wa Muslimaat, and may HE bring the BEST to all of them in this life and in the hereafter...Ameen


on April 13, 2006 9:53 AM
Justoju said

From what I hear from his students who are with him in syria right now, he has been a fortress of sabr and shukr since the passing away of his wife and unborn child.

An anecdote: when his father, sheikh ibrahim (ra) found out during a dars he was teaching about the death of one of his children, he continued his dars, finished, and then asked the students to make dua for his son who had just passed away.

on April 13, 2006 11:36 AM
shireen said

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji ‘un

Nice poetry. The explanation by under cover hijabi sister also fits well.
Please put forth the spiritual explanation


on April 22, 2006 10:06 PM
Shireen Khanam said


My husband write good comment on top. Good web-site.


Khoda Hafiz

on April 23, 2006 12:03 AM
Justoju said

Ummm....br. Talal and br. Asif...you guys wouldnt be hiding wives from your Hidaya public would ya? :)

on April 23, 2006 6:04 AM
Talal said

Please don't play with others' emotions, sister J.

on April 23, 2006 3:37 PM
saima said


.... unless one of us is a guy, commenting as a girl?

on April 23, 2006 4:43 PM
Justoju said

dum dum DUMMMM

on April 23, 2006 4:45 PM
Ibtisaam said

Ya Rabb!



on April 23, 2006 4:53 PM
undercover_hijabi said


Either I am too dull and have a very constricted view of the world, or that everyone here failed to get the point which Sr. Shireen attempted to put across. It surely pains me to read such hurting cmments on a dear sister. I think making fun of those who are living on the edge of everyday for a few laughs or a couple of dollars is senseless and grossly immoral. There can be really nothing lower than he who makes fun of those who can not defend themselves. Brothers and sisters, I dont think I have the liberty to share much abt Sr Shireen on this forum, but my conscience compels me to tell u just this that Sr. Shireen is an epileptic and has recently recovered from a major depression. The least we as Muslim brothers and sisters could do for her, is not hurt her with any unkind word or comment. As is apparent, Sr. Shireen is struggling with her English but MashaAllah holds a PhD in Persian language (Im sorry, I fail to remmber the exact details here.) I assume Sr. Shireen meant to convey that her previous comment was posted under her name by her husband, who is very much comfortable in English vocalization. Through her one line comment, I refuse to see her broken English but rather can almost visiualize her face beaming with pride and love at her husband for such a "worthy" task. Her unbroken spirit wins hands down against our unbroken English.

Once again, I apologize if I came out rude and offensive to anyone. I understand that I have no authority and cannot quote hadith or Quran justifying my stand, but I certainly choose to be with the likes of Sr. Shireen when I have to stand before my Rab bul A'alameen.

Sr. Shireen: I love you even more sister and I hope you arent offended or hurt. Knowing Sr. Justoju, I can assure you that it was just an innocent remark in lighter vein. I certainly am impressed and proud of your progress in English but moreso by your courage and noble spirit. I pray that Allah SWT blesses you with the best of both worlds. I look forward to more personal interaction through email InshAllah

Wa aakhi rud da'waana anil humdu lillahi rabbil 'aalameen


on April 23, 2006 10:33 PM
writer#34 said


Ukhti Shireen Khanum: Both you and your husband are most welcome to Hidayaonline...May Allah bless you, your family, and loved ones...in this life and in the hereafter...Ameen

We hope you enjoy the articles and posts here on this website, and may Allah bring benefits from interaction with your muslim brothers & sisters all across the globe...Insha'Allah.

on April 24, 2006 1:52 AM
writer#34 said


Sis undercover_hijabi: First of all sister, please take it easy on the legacy members of hidayaonline community...Alhamdulillah, non of us here has intended to hurt or make fun of others who are new to this website.

Your previous comment was unnecessarily critical and harsh for those sisters/brothers who had commented here...I will not add more to that.

Secondly, you should not have embarrassed your sister-friend by revealing something on a public forum that is personal and emotionally sensitive about her.

Also, since you are a newbie on this web-site, I want to impress upon you that with the coming weeks and months, you will get to know more about the writers and contributors on Hidayaonline, insha'Allah...and you will see in time that a lot of what is said and understood on hidayaonline is benign in nature...even though it may sound otherwise to a new member.

I hope you are not offended, because this was a naseeha, first and foremost for me and then to others on Hidayaonline....and May Allah bring Khair in everything we do...Ameen


on April 24, 2006 2:22 AM
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