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May 29, 2004
Wedding at Wayne Manor

by Justoju

My friend is getting married today. I have been looking forward to the wedding for months and now, it is finally here!
My outfit is ready and fully coordinated with matching accessories. I had my aunt bring it for me from a boutique in Pakistan. Cost around 300 dollars. Wait till everyone sees it. Wait till everyone sees me. They usually see me in Western clothes and not too much makeup on but I am going to surprise them tonight. They have no idea how good I can look once I decide to get dressed up. Oh Allah, make me the most beautiful girl there.

Time to get ready

I had my face threaded two days ago so that it wouldnt be red on the day of the wedding. That Hindu lady at Payal's Beauty Salon always makes my eyebrows asymmetrical. I tweezed three hairs out of my left eyebrow and one out of my right with mild annoyance. If I wasn't afraid of giving bad dawah, I would have told her off for doing such a terrible job.

Took a shower this morning and exfoliated my face with a mild toner so that the foundation would come on evenly in the evening. Put lots of moisturizer on after cleansing and exfoliating. Eight hours later my face is ready to be worked on. First comes the concealer under my eyes to hide the natural darkness of the area. Now comes the foundation all over my face. Now the powder to set the foundation in place. I use three shades of eye shadow to make my eyes seem naturally dramatic. Next, a 'thin' line of eyeliner that can't be easily seen and looks 'natural'. Then a coat of mascara. Now comes the lip liner and lip-gloss. A light dusting of blush, and voila, I am a super-hottie and it all looks natural.

A lehenga with a matching shirt, a hijab and some high heels. I love high heels. I love how they make me walk. I feel like a graceful gazelle when I have my high heels on. So much grace and fluidity in my walk. I feel bad for those girls that don't know how to walk in high heels.

Hmm, got my clothes on (and made sure to wear my best padded bra), now its time to arrange my hijab. Ok, which pin should I use? They are all so pretty and shiny. I think I will use this purple crystal looking one. There, it's in. Now the back of my head will look beautiful too.

I need perfume. I mean I know some people are really against women wearing perfume but c'mon, I don't want to smell. It isn't Islamic to smell bad. Besides, I am going to be on the women's side of the hall and the men wont be able to smell me. The most they can do is see me. A couple of sprays of 'Divine' are ok.

Now, for the chooriyan. I really like their colors, their femininity and the sound they make as they move around on my wrists. Oooh! Speaking of sound, I MUST wear my payal! I know no one will actually 'see' them, but still, I love the sound they make when I walk. The sound of the bells reminds me of all those old romantic Indian movies where the heroine's entrance would always be accompanied by the sound of the payal on her feet.

At the wedding

I came into the building and headed straight for the bathroom. I don't want to enter the hall until I am sure everything is perfect. After fixing my dupatta and reapplying my powder and lip-gloss I decided I was ready. Time to make my entrance.

Walked in with a smile on my face and went straight to the auntie-table. Ami taught me to always rush to say salaam to my elders. So I went and said salaam to each auntie and gave each one a kiss while they admired my clothes and complimented me on how good I looked and how sweet and respectful I was. I looked down, smiling with embarrassment, and said that everyone looked so beautiful tonight. I then joked with the aunties in Urdu about how pretty they looked. That's what ya gotta do and what ya gotta say.

Time to take inventory-- Lots of men here but maybe 3 beards total amongst them. What a shame. Where did all the religious guys go? I look too damn good right now to have it all wasted on loser guys who I don't consider religious enough to marry. What the hell! Oh well, I might as well be 'pretty' anyways so that the aunties can remember me and then later try to hook me up lovely when they know of someone religious...On second thought, some of these guys are really cute; maybe they could become religious later. I am sure if one were interested in me I could talk to him and teach him Islam and get him into it and stuff. I mean, if I have enough guts to wear a hijab in a non-Muslim country then I should also be confident enough to be able to explain the basics to a Muslim guy. Besides, once he likes me and can do nothing but think of how to get me, it will be a lot easier to convince him to get religiously involved in the MSA and grow a beard.

The band just started playing some Indian songs. I wish this thing were separated so that I could dance. I just learned how to dance to a recent Indian song and I would have no problem performing it to make the women happy if the men would just leave. But alas, they wont. The music is so irresistible though. I will just have to suffice by moving my shoulders with the beat. I totally can't help myself.

It's been an hour and thus far I have gotten a compliment from every person I've met. Its fun to be pretty. It makes me feel powerful. In control. There is something about walking across a hall with confidence and knowing that the eyes of everyone are upon you. Knowing that men that usually keep their gaze lowered have looked at you more than once and keep looking up and looking down. Looking up and looking down. So amusing. Knowing the girls are envying you and wishing they were as pretty (I had to read Surat Al-Falaq at least 5 times!). Knowing that the unmarried are trying to think of ways to get with you and the married are wishing that they had married you. So what if they are my friend's husbands. Big deal. They see pretty girls all the time; they should be able to deal with me. Besides, it's not MY fault if they don't know how to lower their gaze. I mean c'mon, I am covered; I am wearing a long loose lehenga, and long shirt. Plus I am even wearing a hijab for heaven's sake and covering what Allah told me to cover. I am not to blame.

Time to eat. I hate eating at weddings. First of all, that video guy always likes to videotape people while they are eating. No way I want footage of me being anything less than dainty. I gotta make sure I eat very carefully, taking small measured bites and being very careful. Besides, I don't want any guy who is watching me (I absolutely can't help it if he is) to think I eat improperly or that I eat too much or something. I don't want him to think that I will grow up to be one of those obese women who eat a lot and get ugly. I have to make sure I get salad and not fill more than a third of my plate with food. I am not that hungry anyway.

I just spotted a young woman in a sari. She looks beautiful. Very elegant. I could see others looking at her. For a second I was even intimidated--but not for long. It hit me: she doesn't wear a hijab. That means that as beautiful as she is, her target market is completely different from mine and I have nothing to worry about. No crossing of turf. The type of MSA guys who I am into would naturally not be interested in her because she looks too liberal and would require a lot of work to get amalgamated into the religious scene. What a blessing it is to be guided to the treasure and liberation that is hijab--and to the MSA too!

I love going on stage and having my picture taken. You know it's interesting how everyone in the hall watches the people who are getting their picture taken. It's like one of those times when you are allowed to stare at people as much as you want and it's okay. I saw some of the bearded guys staring while I was on stage and having my picture taken. I KNEW IT; I knew they weren't as religious and pious and in control as they tried to project. I would NEVER want to marry a religious guy with wandering eyes, that's so hypocritical! Whenever I am walking past a group of guys I make sure that I lower my gaze so that they understand that I am not the type of girl who runs around checking guys out and who thinks it's okay for guys to do that to her. I don't think I am a saint or anything but I am too religious for that. This ummah has issues.

An uncle just checked me out. Ewwwwww. That's so gross. I don't know why society doesn't do something about all these perverted uncles that run around checking out girls their daughter's ages at weddings. You would think that they would know by now how control themselves. Its sick.

Back home - 2 AM

You know, I don't thank Allah enough. I mean, I am gorgeous, my mom was right all along. I never asked to be this way and I didn't have a right to it. I just lucked out. What blessing don't I have? I am a beautiful, intelligent, well-dressed woman AND I am religious! No wonder the guys and aunties love me. I need to change and wash my face and do wudu so that I don't miss Isha. My other friend's wedding is coming up in two weeks. I need to figure out what I am going to wear. I hope Fatima's cute older brother comes...


of and relating to...
Justoju said

***** Glossary *****

Payal= anklets with bells attached to them

Chooriyan= glass bangles

Lehenga = skirt

Dupatta= rectangular fabric meant to be drawn over one’s chest. The convention in modern times is to wear it around your neck. Or over a shoulder.

on May 29, 2004 6:21 AM
Justoju said

Oh and a necessary point:
This piece is a criticism of myself first and foremost. As far as I know, the only girl who I know who has the weaknesses of this character is myself. I cannot look inside the hearts of others and do not claim to. We can only look inside ourselves.

on May 29, 2004 6:25 AM
Faisal Akhtar said

Let us all hope that this doesn't cause too much controversey. If this article is pertinent to anyone, please focus on yourself but if it doesn't apply to you, don't worry about it.

For the sake of Allah, anyone reading this please don't get offended. It is very rare to find honest criticisms of the wrongs in our society so if the above narrative applies to you, be honest with yourself. Otherwise just let it be.

on May 29, 2004 7:00 AM
Gillette said

Are there really people out there who are this vain?

on May 29, 2004 11:13 AM
Bint Abdul Khaliq said

As Salaamu Alaikum

"Are there really people out there who are this vain?"

yup.

Was Salaam


on May 29, 2004 2:46 PM
Ibtisam said

I would like to make some comments.
First off, very nicely and well written, if you wrote a novel, you could win the Pulitzer prize, I am serious.
Secondly, I thought it was a little "exposing"( but that is why I think it was very descriptive, like the purfume wearing part and what woman put on etc but in America they love that sort of stuff so you could win, etc.) I think that is why you could win the Pulitzer prize in literature.
Everyone has mistakes and faults and no one is perfect.
But I can tell you that old men staring is not necessarily if you are gorgeous or pretty.
I was a 14 year old plain girl( no makeup, I dont even remember washing my face, etc, well yeah for wudu' and stuff) at a very very Islaamic convention and somehow it is not really the other 14 year old boys but this one man kept staring at me. I wore hijaab, jilbaab, but not niqaab so the only thing I could do was to cover my face with the convention folder. And I could not interpret the stare but I thought it was one of scolding, "why dont you have your face covered." type of scolding

A month or so ago, I go to a friend's wedding. I wear also hijaab and jilbaab, I came downstairs where the general guest were( to listen to the aqd-an-nikaah khutbah) and I was standing outside the entrance to listen to the speech. This old man kept staring at me(perhaps he had nothing else to look at, I mean there were very pretty girls around me, so I ducked behind some sisters(I hate to admit, I took advantage of them, they were mostly non-mutahajjibaat) and they even heard me tell my friend, this old man keeps looking at me, later I noticed one or two young ones too). I had to back further away so he could not stare at me( perhaps it was the wall or the door and I thought it was me). I mean it was from a distance and I am not beautiful and I was hardly wearing any makeup, he was not facing the speaker. How do I know this, well I was taking a survey of how many people were there and who was invited that I knew( it was a mixed wedding)and my eyes caught on this old man( I will not say uncle because technically in their minds, they can see a girl my age and marry her, dont be so innocent to think it cannot happen, the staring part is haraam but intention to marry someone your daughter's age might be cultural taboo but not haraam( I am not endorsing it though)) staring.( rest assured I was not staring at anyone).
Thanks for the side note explanation, I was wondering what "payal" and some other stuff is.
I guess I might ask my friend if both of us can cover our faces at the next friend's wedding, lol!

on May 29, 2004 4:31 PM
Ibitsam said

I like the part: I would never want to marry a religious guy with wandering eyes, that’s so hypocritical.

No, a real religious guy, the minute he says you, even if he is married will marry you and fill his quota of four if he cannot control his gaze or desire.
yeah, wandering eyes is very hypocritical.
really truly religious guys would probably avoid going to mixed weddings or leave or sit outside.
Man, I wish I was that religious to leave a friends wedding if things aint straight.

on May 29, 2004 4:40 PM
Ibtisam said

Oh, eating at weddings is the favorite part. I mean if it wasn't for the food, I dont know what I'd do. THe food is always good at the wedding and if you wanna look forward to anything it is the food ( after offcourse well wishing your friend). Food and flowers and candy that they give out at the wedding are the best part of it all.
I enjoy weddings I must say. Recently my cousin got married and the best part was the food! and then they had flowers on the table that people were taking, so I took some too.

on May 29, 2004 4:53 PM
anonymous said

AssalamuAlaikumWaRahmatullah:
First of all, I don't get how you can think you are religious. A true Muslim is always worrying about what he/she says, is very humble, and NEVER thinks they are a good Muslim. Therefore, I suggest you refrain from saying that. Another tip, the guys were probably staring at your face because you had all that make-up on, and were wondering why a muhajjabah was wearing any in the first place. Hijab means to cover, and if you make up all your face, then that is attracting attention. One more point, nobody likes anyone who is full of themself. Just a piece of advice.
Wa'AssalamuAlaikum

on May 29, 2004 6:04 PM
Ibtisam said

Did I miss something here?
I did not imply or think I was religious in anyway or form. Okay I use to be when I was younger( I am not lying in the least) but not anymore. Everyone has mistakes, some different mistakes than others. You are right wearing makeup is not right, it is haraam ... that way it makes me feel better(or rather worse) that the people staring were in fact rebuking me for my behavior, which is probably true for the first case, no niqaab and maybe true for the second case( although I was not wearing that much makeup that could be seen from a distance, maybe the man was like why is this mutahajjibah coming in mixed gathering, that could be it then). I am sorry I offended you by making those comments. I did not mean to insult people, during sahaabah's time old people did marry younger people, there is nothing wrong with that just because our society or times have changed.

Oh thanks for the advice,
I did not imply I was full of myself or anything but I cannot really list my mistakes for you to prove that I dont think I am "all that" muslim, because even in Islaam I am not suppose to.
Hmm,
No WONDER nobody likes me, thanks, I just figured it out.

on May 29, 2004 7:28 PM
Justoju said

I like you sweetheart. And I think our anonymous poster might have been commenting on the character in the article and not on your posts...

on May 29, 2004 8:20 PM
Nadia said

This is a great article Mashallah. So truthful and transparent. I could feel the humanity especially of women speaking right through it. I have shared this experience myself at times and I don't feel good coming home after a marriage ceremony because just like fiction, it takes you into a total new world which is so different from reality. Anyhow, I have to say much about the rituals of marriage but may be would save it for my next article. Great Job Sr. Jostuju. I still have to go and revisit your poem which I have promised, I would. It is just so deep that I will have to read it couple of times before I am able to comment on it and I am just looking for some free time on my hands. Inshallah soon. Keep up the great work. Jazakallah khair

on May 29, 2004 9:40 PM
Saima said

hmm... i just came from a wedding :) go figure.

Sr. Justoju.. simply superb. A lot of issues posed that I have seen wandering around on hidaya and amongst sisters. I'm looking forward to your "towards human understanding articles though.. i wanna get enough in before i leave NJ :)

on May 30, 2004 12:23 AM
Justoju said

AssalamuAlaikum

I unfortunately dont know how to 'wander around' issues with much tact or grace...A skill I should probably pick up before marriage eh? :)

This article actually makes me very sad and was emotionally difficult to write. The character is an inevitable by-product of an unislamic societal system that prizes a woman's beauty above all of her other contributions.
Songs are written on beauty.
Wars are fought over it.
Decisions are made based on it.
If women are constantly receiving the message that their beauty is the most important and valuable thing that they have (and which gets appreciated the most readily) then why WOULDNT they be vain or focus on it?

This character is a reflection of a society that tells women that their beauty and their outward piety are the hottest commodities that they have. The 'self' becomes so much the focus of one's existence that it becomes one's idol. The maintainance of whose altar becomes a primary objective--because it is believed that ones fate rests in the hands of this false god. Pleasing this false god and making it more 'powerful' becomes more of a priority than obedience to Allah, Glorious and Exalted.

Look at which perfume she decides to use...

WasalaamuAlaikum


on May 30, 2004 1:14 PM
Talal said

MashaAllah a marvelous title to a revealing piece of writing.

I remember once I was at a dars in a place where society had many of the trappings that lead to Sister Justoju mentions in the comment above.
Someone who was in a hard place as far as finding a real Muslimah, asked the Shaykh if it was better to marry someone who already had "good Deen" or to find someone who doesn't have "good Deen" and to marry them and "grow as Muslims together".
Now, Me and this other brother were the only bachelors there, so the entire room, including the Shaykh, got this look of "What're you kidding? OF COURSE you go look for the one with good Deen". He went on providing evidence with that Hadith which substantiates that Deen is the best thing to look for in a spouse.
Upon asking the Shaykh about how hard it is to find such a woman (in that place and time), and what it'll take to make it easier, I remember something the Shaykh said which I hadn't heard before.
He mentioned that if the men WANTED Muslimahs, all the women would WANT TO BE true Muslimahs. It was the age-old Law of Supply and Demand. The men were demanding the mini-skirts, tank tops and perfumed "beauties", so the women tailored themselves to fit that "ideal".

'Tis a shame indeed...

on May 30, 2004 2:22 PM
Saima said

br talal, that is SO true.

sr. justoju... isn't it pretty interesting that it is usually other older women aka "aunties" that push their daughters into beautifying themselves ? even if it may be still with hijaab... and at the same time... boys are growing up to be "men" with ideals that are usually superficial. the substance is forgotten or is put aside as just a "fringe benefit" with the package.

the state of us is a reflection of the amount of knowledge invested in the ones who nurture the future ummah. that decrease in investment has manifested into lesser (and more superficial) ideals.

and, Allah subhanawataala knows best :)

on May 30, 2004 7:36 PM
Gillette said

[The customary "most of the articles on this site are about marriage comment"]

Most of the articles on this site are about marriage.

on May 30, 2004 7:47 PM
Justoju said

"Most of the articles on this site are about marriage."

Yeah. Aint it great.

I have some questions for the brothers. Answer any or all:

How does this character make you feel?

How many women do you estimate are like this?

What is your reaction to her preference for bearded religious men?

Her understanding that 'anyone' can be made religious once they are all googly eyed in love with a girl?

To what extent had you anticipated this mentality?

And finally, how does this change how you see girls (if there has been a change)?

on May 30, 2004 9:35 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

"How does this character make you feel?"

A little bit uncomfortable. This character does not reflect well on the marriages I attend. Loads of women madeup wearing Saris and Lehngas for the viewing pleasure of the men.

I have one gigantic question, how can I refuse to attend the wedding of my cousin because he will have a mixed gathering? Women like the one in question donot make it any easier for me.

"How many women do you estimate are like this?"

Any estimate I give will be based on nothing but biased sightings. My family is not that religious and the gatherings I have to attend to remain a part of my family have alot more going on than what was mentioned in this article. I need to attend atleast one religious wedding in my life. I hope I get invited to the next ISRU wedding.

"What is your reaction to her preference for bearded religious men? "

Hmm, lacking religion herself and looking for a religious spouse? Makes me wonder.

"Her understanding that 'anyone' can be made religious once they are all googly eyed in love with a girl?"

I don't know about the statement "anyone" but I know it is possible on a large scale if the guy falls in love with a rightous girl and marries her since I have seen it happen in the past. My uncle was a wild young man but as soon as he got married to a good decent lady, he changed his ways. He is a a father of three now with a stable career and a bright future. I have heard this statement from many expereicned people "Brothers (Men) usually get their act together when they get married". Again, dependent upon who they marry.

"To what extent had you anticipated this mentality?"

Again, I have sort of a cynical bias here because of my family so I am not gonna answer.

"And finally, how does this change how you see girls (if there has been a change)?"

No change at all. There are good and then there are the bad among the women just like there are among the men. Being around brothers almost all the time and having zero contact with women makes you think that maybe this Umaah just consists of men. The truth is, our Prophet's (Peace and blessings be upon him) ahadeeth apply equally to men and women. I am sure that women have their own struggles just like we do. This character was just one representation of what one woman could be like. This article does not apply catagorically to all women.

On a side note, the law of supply and demand works both ways. I have two friends who are both very nice guys. One is a pharmacist and the other is working fulltime and taking care of his family on a modest income. They are both excellent men but thier mothers refuse to let them marry because they "HAVE TO BECOME DOCTORS". Trying to please his mother, one of them finally decided to go to Pakistan to study in a med school there since he cannot afford the tuition here or in the carribian. The other guy has no time for himself because he works fulltime and is the oldest in his family. Still his Mom is insistent on him becoming a doctor at all costs before he gets married. These two decent men are the byproducts of the outcast system this Ummah has got going. Anyone who is not a doctor or is not earning above 100 grand is not worth marrying your daughter to is the pervailing idea. Thus we have the breed of clean shaven doctor wannabes because after all "that is what families want for their daughters" (My First friends Mom).

If the reason we have lack of religion among women is that it is in demand, the same is true for men.

on May 31, 2004 12:17 AM
Justoju said

Dont refuse to go to your cousin's wedding. Go but be an inspiration to others.

You know, it really helps to have a certain 'image' amongst your family members. Many of us dont want to be seen as 'extremists' by our family members so we ty to do this insane balancing act that makes us lose no matter what. Not only do we STILL get criticized by our family, but we also end up having to deal with a lot of regret and self-criticism as well for not having met our own islamic ideals.

Life becomes a LOT simpler when you are 'known' to be the religious crazy nut of the family. Family members eventually get over it and accept you as you are, religious quirks and all. Then no one really expects you to do a lot of the things that everyone else is doing. They wont wonder why you arent talking with or sitting near the women, or why you have a bushy beard or why you dont take part in certain unhalaal rituals--because they will know you are the religious crazy! You will find it much easier to retain your islamic identity and STILL take part in necessary family occasions.

on May 31, 2004 1:10 AM
Talal said

"How many women do you estimate are like this?"
Those not "like this" should consider themselves to be amongst a much rarefied, ultra-mashaAllah-fied coterie known as The True Muslimah.

Lafdh.


on May 31, 2004 1:23 AM
saima said

and your family is one of your hardest tests :)

br faisal. keep doing what your doing. be persistent. be patient. you don't know who you are influencing. Insha'Allah, you will see the fruits of your hard work maybe not now, maybe not 5 years from now.. maybe not 10 years from now... or maybe never in this lifetime. But by exemplifying yourself, you might influence another family member and be used as a tool in opening their heart.

if you are persistent in your thoughts/ideas/views in following and upholding your deen... you will feel like the odd ball.. but you know what... it's worth it :)

i'm an odd ball in my family too... and SubhanAllah, i'm marrying a person who's an odd ball in his family as well :)

good for the good.. vile for the vile... something to think about.


on May 31, 2004 2:04 AM
Gillette said

"How does this character make you feel?"

There's a Muslim equivalent for everything in kaafir culture.

"How many women do you estimate are like this?"

All of them.

"What is your reaction to her preference for bearded religious men?"

If more women had her preferences, I'd be married by now.

"Her understanding that 'anyone' can be made religious once they are all googly eyed in love with a girl?"

A guy will do anything for a beautiful girl.

"To what extent had you anticipated this mentality?"

See answer to second question.

"And finally, how does this change how you see girls (if there has been a change)?"

I'm never getting married.

Faisal, don't go to the wedding. Give your cousin your reasoning.

on May 31, 2004 8:25 AM
Faisal Akhtar said

I would like to propose that the nickname "Notorious Fundo" be officially given to Hassan.

Lets argue a little here. Should I refuse to attend a mixed gathering based on my reasoning above as Hassan says? Or should I go and try to give some Dawah like Sister Justoju says (I think it is very unlinkely that people are gonna be inspired just by me)? I need not take part in any Haram activity since I can sit at a men's only table and not look up. However, it would be rather foolish to put myself into a test such as that. But I will miss my cousins wedding whom I love dearly. Quite a little dilemma.

on May 31, 2004 10:55 AM
Justoju said

Brother Faisal, unless your cousin is also religiously minded--which is probably not the case since he is having a mixed wedding--he and his family most likely wont understand or accept your reasoning. They will feel insulted and hurt.

NO ONE and NOTHING can make you keep your head down but you. It is YOUR will and YOUR intention that is in control. Do NOT deem yourself helpless or incapable. If you truly want to keep your gaze lowered then you will--regardless of how many made-up pretty girls are walking around begging to be appreciated. If you dont truly want to keep it lowered, then you wont--even if the only girls around you are in full islamic attire and trying to be inconspicuous.

Its about your will bro and not about whats around you. The battle with shaitaan will happen whether you run away from it or you embrace it. If not at a wedding then at school or work. You will HAVE TO prove your mettle no matter what. The best preperation you can do for this wedding is a lot of prayer and dhikr. Go there with Allah in your heart and struggle to keep Him him there.

“The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, though there is good in both. Be avid for that which benefits you. Rely on Allah and do not deem yourself incapable…”

--Prophet Muhammad (SAW)
[Muslim, Ibn Majah, and Ahmad]

on May 31, 2004 2:00 PM
Gillette said

FAISAL, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T GO TO THE DARKSIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU'RE WORTH WAITING FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOUR VIRGINITY IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE!!!!!!!!!!

[Someone help me out here]

on May 31, 2004 2:12 PM
Abu Hameedullah said

This is an issue which you should ask a scholar about.

I actually had a similar question and asked a couple of scholars (Mufti Abdul Muqtadir from Teaneck, Shaikh Hussain Sattar from Chicago) about attending mixed gatherings. They said that in general one should not attend, but if the gathering is a walima of a close friend or family member, such as your cousin, you have a duty to attend in order to maintain ties of kinship and to avoid hurting others. But they both did say that you should attend for only a short time, maybe 20 minutes to half an hour. Shaikh Hussain said a good way to do this is to simply arrive late.

You may get a more detailed answer by asking a scholar yourself.

on May 31, 2004 2:37 PM
Justoju said

"A guy will do anything for a beautiful girl."

As long as men continue to be willing to do anything for beauty, women will continue to focus on it and make it their chief instrument of power.

Islam seems to be the only way to break out of this cycle. Cant think of anything else.

on May 31, 2004 2:37 PM
Gillette said

You could try finding other ways to strengthen your ties of kinship. Buy him a nice gift (an expensive one is nice, but a meaningful one is better).

on May 31, 2004 3:30 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

Going once, going twice, I am sold on the reasoning Abu Hameedullah gave. I don't want to hurt my cousin and inshallah, I will attend to show my support but for a short time.

Hassan, thankyou for your concern but since holding up ties of kinship is obligatory, I must do what I must. Just pray that I don't go to the dark side and pray that I am able to protect my gaze. Thank you Sister Justoju for your reinforcement, thanks Brother Hameedullah for your guidance and thankyou Hassan for your concern.

Wasalam

on May 31, 2004 4:14 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatallah Wabarakatu,

The funniest thing is that at all of these weddings before all the boogying down gets about they always play Asmaa Allah Alhusna.

Just so you know Br. Faisal, i have the same problem coming up next month with my cousin...and to not go the wedding would be an insult to my family, my family's families, his kids, his grandkids, and the entirety of Egypt. So I guess I'm just going to have to get into a long conversation with an old-timer and use that as an excuse for not getting down to the really crappy arabic songs which I completly hate. But who knows, maybe they put on some Umm Kalthoum remixes or something.

btw, Was I the only one that though this article had something to do with the Batman when they first read the title?

Wasalaam Warahmatullah wabarakatu

on May 31, 2004 5:28 PM
Justoju said

yeah I knew I would get all the unmarried muslims to read by using the word "Wedding", but I wanted to expand my readership to the much coveted, and often unreached, circle of comic book aficionados as well.

Next week's article: "Eye of ThunDera...or Eye of Allah?"

Same bat time. Same bat channel.

on May 31, 2004 5:42 PM
saima said

wow.

on May 31, 2004 8:34 PM
Justoju said

Question: How does your nafs react to the idea that religious girls, who are IN your target market, are willing to pass you over for some not so religious guy with the intention to 'change him' and make him more religious?

on June 1, 2004 1:36 PM
Ibtisam said

I feel offended at Br. Gillette's comment, he feels all women are the same. Not true. All women are not that driven or crazy to get married and life is not about getting married.
I personally know one sister who will not go to mixed gatherings and the like and I know many who are not like this character at all.

And you can say you are never getting married but the rasool SAW prayed and fasted and slept and he married also.

You feel girls here are so superficial, you can look for finding girls overseas. Or you might consider marrying the numerous widows and orphans in our ummah.
The amount of rijaal in our ummsh has decreased and that is an asset of difficulty.

on June 1, 2004 3:42 PM
ja-az from Paramus said

I go to mixed weddings..I get dressed up...I sometimes wear high heels, sometimes a little make up, and I wear hijab
AND I also go to seperated weddings...same high heels, sometimes a little makeup..get dressed up..etc..
so..what's my motivation?

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, sister Justoju , not all girls are motivated by the opposite sex...

And does putting hijab on one's head deem that she will be judged differently...in my opinion you are implying the deeds of this character are so bad CUZ she wears hijab..but that's not true at all..we're all judged on the same level..
And Allah knwos best..

on June 1, 2004 9:42 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

I am sure Sister Justoju was referring to those Sisters who wear incredibly loud shoes and wear perfume simply to attract attention and she was not making sweeping statements. The truth is, whenever I go to weddings, I get dressed up. The reason for that is not to impress women but that it is a joyous occasion and one should look nice. However, the men and women need to remain separated. The reason the character in the story is problematic is because she is begging to be looked at. If you dress up, wear high heels and stay on the womens side, more power to you.

on June 1, 2004 10:59 PM
Justoju said

This was one of the earliest comments I made. It is worthy of repetition:
"This piece is a criticism of myself first and foremost. As far as I know, the only girl who I know who has the weaknesses of this character is myself. I cannot look inside the hearts of others and do not claim to. We can only look inside ourselves."

I am not the judge of motives of others.

Dear sister ja-az, you seem to be implying in your post that the focus of my article is 'motivation'. In fact it is not. The focus of my article is the lack of adherence to the laws of modesty that our shari'ah has laid down for us. It doesnt matter whether one dresses up in seperated weddings (as there are no boundaries of shari'ah being transgressed), what matters is the dressing up that happens at mixed gatherings.

I dont believe that the deeds of the character are bad 'because' she wears hijab. I do however believe that the character's mentality and the concept of hijab strike a sharp contrast. Given the objective of hijab (and its internal and external manifestations), it makes the condition all the more ironic and sad.

This isnt a critique of the way women think--but a critique of the way this one woman thinks. I am not much concerned with why womankind thinks a certain way, but I AM concerned with what causes this ONE woman to think this way and what the root factors are.

Women who do not share this woman's thinking need not feel accused and may rest assured that this does not apply to them at all. In fact I would like to hear from more women who maintain that they dont think this way. It gives me (and the unmarried brothers) more hope for the future.

on June 2, 2004 2:52 AM
Justoju said

You asked what could motivate a woman to dress up at seperated weddings.

Women, like all humans, have different motives. Since I am only looking into this one character I can only answer you from her point of view. This character would have gone to the seperated weddings and been as dressed up there as she is at the mixed ones. This is because she is not motivated by men, but is motivated by self-worship and nafs. She simply wants to be praised, noticed, and adored by men and women alike. She wishes for all of creation to join her in her worship of her false idol of 'self'.

on June 2, 2004 3:54 AM
Faisal Akhtar said

Sister Ibtisam

"The amount of rijaal in our ummsh has decreased and that is an asset of difficulty."

What does Rijaaal mean?

on June 2, 2004 1:14 PM
Gillette said

"I personally know one sister who will not go to mixed gatherings..."

Is she single?


[I'm joking, don't answer that]

on June 2, 2004 1:18 PM
Ibtisam said

Rijjal= men
The amount of ikhwa or bhaiyo have decreased in our ummah. That is why even if men do not want to get married,but they can afford to, should get married, to support the many widows and orphans and not just that but to end splinsterhood( a lot of single women) in our ummah. I know these are complex issues that college going or young folks like you will not be able to fully comprehend the issue at hand, but try nevertheless to step outside of the box.
Islaam is one of the few religions that actually encourages marriage over celibacy. The reasons for that is to foster the bonds of kinship and social network. To have a good relationship with your relatives and other Muslims and to provide an atmosphere of love and mercy. I would recommend listening to Abu Ameenah's Lecture on the english section of www.islamway.com
although, I do not totally agree with some of the fiqh issues he brings up(eg. role of wife or duty of wife in cleaning house and maintaining it.) that is because other shuyookh have other opinions on this matter, and I tend to follow these opinions more so but all in all it is a wonderful lecture and it is very "adult-like" not "teenage-like"
I encourage you to please listen to it.

on June 2, 2004 3:35 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

Interesting thing...every day I pass by the Women's college of Al Azhar Univ. So the public transportation that I take is usually filled up with these people. Anyway...the reason I bring this up is that I was talkig to a friend of mine about how even though many of these women don't wear any makeup, dress super modestly, stay far away from the men...and all at the same time are usually very good looking.

So he smiles and says "Those girls are the one who live in the bellad(villages) and are in Cairo just for college, so they haven't had time yet to be corrupted by all the things of the city"...Interesting isn't it? It probably goes the same for men. Actually, I'm almost positive it goes the same for men(some of these people I have become friends with fromt the villages are so enviously innocent and unhardened by much of the crap us city-goers have had to have been exposed to).

And so the sociologists win again...people truly are a big product of their environments. Even so...only Allah can guide people right.

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on June 2, 2004 4:20 PM
Justoju said

Another interesting point: This character is most likely not more beautiful than the average woman (which is still saying a lot since the average woman is quite beautiful), and is most likely not as beautiful as she believes herself to be. Her exceptional beauty and importance is mostly all in her mind, along with the many stares she believes she is receiving from others. She believes that every guy likes her and that all the girls are jealous of her.

To brother Rami's comment-- Yes, we have to combat a lot of garbage and media and brainwashing that constantly appeals to our nafs. We need to start by being aware of it and of the effects it has on our psychologies. We need to know ourselves and our nafs' and know what the nafs likes and what it dislikes. Sincerity to Allah depends upon our knowing the tactics of the nafs...

on June 2, 2004 6:29 PM
Talal said

Ya Allah, let me be studly, let me be steadfast, let there be girl looking at me.

--Time to get ready--
Thank you Gillette for the Mach III. With it my baby soft shave will be such that the ladies will irresist, and my perfected GQ-approved goatie will sate the appetites of the "I wan' a Sunnah Man" Muhajjabaat.
My oh my does it feel good after that facial I just had. Let the buggers be buggers who deem this act of beautification to be only for women. Pish-Tush.
Hmmm... do I pick my 40 Dinar blue thawb or my $800 Hugo Boss suit? I would be dashing in both, I know I would be, but what would likely candidates want me to be in. Easy, the thawb it is.
Now to get rid of my BO. Hmm... Cool Water maybe... Hugo Boss... oh wait, the likely candidates... 'Oud from Ajmal's it is.
I'll leave the earring for another day.

--At the wedding--
Must directly walk to Head Auntie. "Do you need any help?" squeaked my manly voice. "Oh betaaa... you're so sweet. But no, really".
Dang the mang.
THey've got orange soda for refreshments, this is a classy shindig. Oh look, there's a group of her friends... all wearing Hijab.. YAY!
Look good, stay fake-humble, rock the miswak once they're in range.
Nonchalant, nonchalant, nonchalant as they walk by. Did they notice? But of course.
I asked Head Auntie from the Bride's side if she needs any help. "Yes, actuallyyyyy... can you help Hanaa's cousin put her suitcases into Aamir's car?". Bingo. Timeto be chivalrous and flaunt my prowess in front of the Bride's many eligible femme friends. Looking at the dudes on her side, there is simply NO competition. MashaAllah.

to be continued....
(subhanAllah, it's amazing what gets accomplished in an eight hour work day :) )

on June 2, 2004 7:58 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

Assalam-o-alaikom

Sister Ibtisam said

"The amount of ikhwa or bhaiyo have decreased in our ummah. That is why even if men do not want to get married,but they can afford to, should get married, to support the many widows and orphans and not just that but to end splinsterhood( a lot of single women) in our ummahI know these are complex issues that college going or young folks like you will not be able to fully comprehend the issue at hand, but try nevertheless to step outside of the box."

Come on Sister, give us a little more credit than that. I know exactly how severe this issues is. I know of at-least three women in my close family who are in danger of never getting married since they have past that age. The problem is not just the man's reluctance to get married but also the imspossible demands of the Wali or the Woman herself. I know of one family who rejected so many proposals for their daughter, it is mind boggeling. She started recieving proposals at a young age but now she is approaching 30. Did the parents never recieve a good proposal in all these years? These same people recently rejected a proposal of a very nice and decent young man simply because he did not have enough hair on his head. What kind of an excuse is that? As Muslims, should we marry for religion or how much hair the guy has on his head? I am sure no one here is a stranger to the impossible demands the brides family and the grooms family place on the men.

Also, I cannot speak about any other culture but in the Pakistani culture, it is considered completely taboo to marry someone who was previously married or to be a second wife or to accept a co-wife. Pakistani women consider it absolutely beyond their dignity to be in a plural marriage. They hate something that Allah has made Halal.

Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 77, Number 598:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Apostle said, "No woman should ask for the divorce of her sister so as to take her place, but she should marry the man (without compelling him to divorce his other wife), for she will have nothing but what Allah has written for her."

So when women go against this hadith of our Prophet, and evils like spinsterhood, celibacy, late age marriages, and wide practice of the secret habit arrise, why are only the men blamed?

I do want to be fair however, the men are also lacking alot in this department. They have lost sight of the virtue of taking care of and raising orphans and strengthning the bonds of kinship. They are running after the most made up woman they can find.

However, it is not just the fault of the men nor is it just of the women, it takes two to tango.

Wasalam

on June 2, 2004 8:09 PM
Justoju said

I LOVE the blunt and steely honesty on this thread.
MORE! I WANT MORE I SAY!
KEEP IT COMING MY BRETHREN!

(its about dang time that people started talking about this stuff. The masks must come off for the faces to radiate)

on June 2, 2004 10:09 PM
Gillette said

Before we have another commenting disaster:

"Book 001, Number 0076:
It is reported on the authority of Abu Huraira that the Messenger of Allah (may peace and blessings be upon him) observed: He who believes in Allah and the Last Day...speaks good or remains silent."

on June 2, 2004 10:50 PM
saima said

wow.


highly recommended: Hamza Yousuf's "Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage"

he covers a lot.

secondly: br. faisal.. are you related to Iqbal and Najma Akhtar ?

thirdly: a question for all of you.. how would you handle an event where EVEN if you have it separated, some of the families do not respect the idea of hijaab and the male members of their families enter into the women-only section without any remorse or apologetic attitude ?


on June 2, 2004 11:10 PM
Justoju said

Sister Saima, the key to those setups are bouncers. I kid you not. You need to have some firm yet polite people guarding the doors. It helps if they know kung fu.

You gave an excellent recommendation. Another really amazing source of 'ilm are Sheikh Abdullah Adhami's "Gender Relations" tapes. I ordered a whole bunch and will be giving them out to every muslims couple that gets married within a 32 mile radius of my person.

Brother Gillette: please define commenting disaster.

on June 2, 2004 11:28 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

Kindly direct all question to me email address.

JazakAhallah Khair.

on June 2, 2004 11:42 PM
Talal said

--back home--
Ahhhh... Thawb is off and Diesel jeans are back on. SubhanAllah the fit of these jeans, soooo snug.
I went, I saw, I was seen, I conquered.
Good thing I read "Where's the Washing Machine?", or else I'd be a lost cause.
I couldn't believe the nerve of that girl, "Assalaamu alaikum, would you like to grab a cup of coffee after this?".
I stood stunned. "Silly rabbit, I'm meant for those unlike you".

The time must come for us to no longer be hypocritical in our wantings. We WANT the pure, zabiha-halaal, fitra-fied spouse, but at the same time we WANT to see that not-quite-pure, halaal in a good-lookin' way, oh he/she'll change after nikah spousal candidate (the purpose of which is nothing but to sate desires).
Plus any brothers who "fall" for a chick are deemed to be "whipped" to the tenth degree during wedlock.
Just aim to 'dominate tha dunya' with Truth brothers, the women will come with Allah's will, inshaAllah.

on June 3, 2004 12:46 AM
Nadia said

lol. Wow. Really interesting. "Silly rabbit, I'm meant for those unlike you". Really funny.I wish there were more brothers being as blunt and forthright with who they mean and who they are meant for. As for, "Plus any brothers who "fall" for a chick are deemed to be "whipped" to the tenth degree during wedlock.". This is so true.I have seen it personally in many instances.
"Just aim to 'dominate tha dunya' with Truth brothers, the women will come with Allah's will, inshaAllah.". This is the best advice and the best course of action. May Allah(swt) bless all of us with spouses who love Allah(swt) and whom Allah(swt) loves. Ameen

on June 3, 2004 8:08 AM
Abdullaah the Wise said

Okay, I agree with Br. Gillette, this has become a commenting disaster, you guys have come on the verge of filtration, please stop and Br. Talal kindly edit your comment about "goaties" and Justajoe's comment about what men do in Pakistan, both were very inappropriate. If I wanted to know what men can or cannot do, or what women can or cannot do; I dont need hidaya for this, the Americans are much more frank and open about it and I dont even have to feel embarrased in front of them.
THese are my suggestions as your older "brother."

Brother Faisal, it is true that the problems with splinsterhood is also the fault of many young women who do turn down proposals. You mentioned about in Pakistani culture, how women cannot accept co-wives. Not true, actually it is changing a lot. Have you seen recent dramas(within the past ten years dramas) that address plural marriages and co-wives and very much normalize it. I suggest a truely amazing drama: Raakh staring Humayoun Syed, Huma someone, Saira someone, it is very interesting. Also, numerous I have seen that are introducing this concept to the society. Muslim women everywhere are adverse to this concept to some extent, except Saudi women, they are very much used it but the amount of plural marriages for financial reasons have gone down in Saudia.
My own paternal uncle has two wives and pretty much they have accustomed to it. But I know it is very difficult. Iwas a big proponent for plural marriages until I watched RAAKH and it almost made me very sad but alhamdulillaah. I think if you are prepared for it, it is easier to deal with it if needs be. You can watch Raakh at www.pakistanvision.com
under Drama section
go to Raakh, you need latest version of real audio

on June 3, 2004 12:06 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

Assalam-o-alaikom

Plural marriages are never easy on a woman. Of course she would feel sad if she was ever placed in a position like that. Which is why it says in the Quran

"Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one." [Al-Qur'an 4:3]

"Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...." [Al-Qur'an 4:129]

Thus it is an exception, not a rule that every man must marry 4.

Coming back to your analysis of the Pakistani culture, I am highly doubtful that the Pakistani dramas that are produced are accurate representations of the Pakistani culture. What we see on TV is a fictional reality and has nothing to do with real life.

I had the opportunity to get a glipmse at a Pakistani drama the other day at my aunts house. Women wearing half sleeves, going out alone with strange men to dinner, and scores of other haram things were shown. If dramas are an accurate representation of Pakistani society, then Pakistani society is moving further away from Islam, not closer to it and it goes without saying that a Muslim should not be watching impermissible things.

If dramas are not an accurate representation (which I think is the case), then there can be absolutely no reason, for us to watch them (not that there ever was before). These dramas feed us a version of life that is not real. They fill our heads with garbage and twisted notions that keep us far removed from reality. If a person watches lots of movies, he begins to think life is a movie and the same will go for dramas. Thus I advise you turn off that devil box.

Walaikomassalam

on June 3, 2004 2:42 PM
Justoju said

I have deleted my comment. However, I do not believe that Brother Talal's comment on goaties is at all inappropriate. I think it adds to the realism and honesty of the mentality of the character he is attempting to depict.

on June 3, 2004 3:14 PM
Abdullaah said

Thanks but I still think that Br. Talal's comment are a little embarrasing and inappropriate and that is my opinion.

on June 3, 2004 4:05 PM
passerby said

Why would it be embarrasing, for anyone, to have someone point out that some character tries to get teh best of both teh worlds by having a goatie (the aakhira and the dunya)?

That's (sorta) synonymous to having some one commenting on a beautiful girl covering up from head to toe ... but using see-through cloth for it (before you object, I've seen it).

Unless someone was guilty of it?

Given that most of us have email addresses available, it would be appropriate to email _that_ individual only if we thought they'd said something inappropriate, as opposed to doing it publicly.

on June 3, 2004 5:26 PM
Abdullaah said

You are right,
my bad, I was too lazy to realize I could have emailed people directly and I should have, me apologies.
endadiscussion.

on June 3, 2004 7:55 PM
Justoju said

Regarding plural marriages: I have seen families that were torn apart because sons could not bear to see their mothers having to all of a sudden share their father with a cowife. Many men can take and justify cowives but how many are ok with their mothers, sisters, and daughters having to deal with a cowife?

This matter requires hikmah indeed...

on June 3, 2004 7:58 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

"Regarding plural marriages: I have seen families that were torn apart because sons could not bear to see their mothers having to all of a sudden share their father with a cowife. Many men can take and justify cowives but how many are ok with their mothers, sisters, and daughters having to deal with a cowife?

This matter requires hikmah indeed..."

I couldn't agree more. In the beginning I had alot of difficulty coming to terms with the fact plural marriages are allowed becasue I used ot think "What if it happened to my mom"

Also, if I were made to share my life partner with someone else, it would be devestating for me. So should I feel lucky that I am guy? These kinds of questions really bothered before but Alhamdulillah, Allah guides who he wills and he is the ultimate authority to enact whatever laws he pleases. We simply hear and we obey.

on June 3, 2004 11:30 PM
Justoju said

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on June 4, 2004 1:38 PM
Ibn Muzaffar Syed Hussain said

Assalamu 'alaikum,

Greetings from the Caribbean. InshaAllah I pray all is well with all of you. Interesting article Justoju. Very revealing but maybe that is needed sometimes. Just don't do it all the time out of respect for our wonderful Deen. It is ironic how this sister wanted a religious, bearded guy for marriage when her character isn't at all Islamic. I guess it was meant to be ironic. Unfortunately though, one sees this alot...sisters wearing hijab and long dresses but then making themselves attractive in some other way...what serves the purpose of the hijab then? As for separated weddings, yes women are allowed to be less strict but there are limits to that too.
As for guys, old or young, not behaving wisely, well that's how man is...that is why it's recommended to stay away from these situations...again if one knows that there will be fitnah at a gathering, be at a best friend's wedding or a cousin's wedding, then one should minimize their time there...I agree it's hard sometimes but we have to try whatever we can insha'allah...
again i like your article but some of your descriptions are a bit too revealing, especially for guys to read...what we don't realize is how far away from Islam we have all come because we believe that we 'know' so much and can make our own decisions...we've lost hikmah and we've lost the love for our deen and for traditional practices of our deen...may Allah guide us all to the Straight Path insha'allah

wassalaam
arif bin muzaffar

on June 7, 2004 12:48 AM
Justoju said

AssalamuAlaikum,

I understand that its a bit revealing. The reason I intentionally tried to make it so starkly honest was because I wanted to present a 'clear' juxtaposition of islamic ideaology and of this one character's thoughts/habits. It wasnt enough to say that "I dressed up, wore makeup and went to the wedding" because unislamic habits are not the only thing I was trying to showcase, I was also very concerned with her taking her ego as her 'ilah'.

I wanted to illustrate the things she found important and set as a priority in her life. I wanted to deal with the issue of rationalization and how one person can have so many conflicting ideas and desires in their head and sometimes not even notice it. She has a very human condition. Most of us have some of this to some degree in ourselves and the sooner we can break things down for ourselves and identify which thoughts and desires are contradictory to the slavehood that we must strive for, the better off we will be.

All too often we write about the poverty of our actions but we fail to talk about and discuss the thought processes that are the root causes of the disease.
As muslims we are concerned with submission of our actions, but as muimins we must submit our mind as well and drown ourselves in iman...

on June 7, 2004 4:25 PM
Justoju said

If anyone is in the mood to read more comments (though I think this piece has already been commented upon to the point of exhaustion), I recently discovered that someone had started a thread on Islamica with this article.

http://www.islamicaweb.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22208&page=1&pp=15

on October 15, 2004 1:18 AM
Sarsari said

That article is dumb!

on October 16, 2004 11:50 PM
Make Dua 4 me! said

Salaams

JAZAKALLAH to the sister that wrote this article!It was really spooky reading it as many of MY faults are highlighted , at least i know i'm not alone! I am trying to reform myself please make Dua for me...

along with seemingly outward hayaa and piety, more importantly is to cultivate the inner hayaa and righteousness...

One thing I have come to realize...I MUST NOT dress up if i don't want males staring at me...very logical i know but sometimes shaytaan plays with a person's mind so much that logic becomes obscured!Women are NOT allowed to cast aside their Hayaa just because it is a wedding.Allah doesn't make a special law for women during weddings.

If Allah wills, if we lower our gazes and inculcate inner and outer hayaa in ourselves FOR THE PLEASURE OF ALLAH, even though it may be hard , even though the majority of the people seem to think that intermingling and immodest dressing and behaviour is normal and acceptable --> Through this small sacrifice on our part Allah will grant us such spouses that will be the coolness of our eyes

on November 24, 2004 2:46 PM
Abdullaah said

True sister, make dua for me but we must do this for Allaah's sake alone and not really in hope of a reward as you mentioned. Someone said in a khutbah that we should worship Allaah and love and obey Him even if there was no jannah. So this way our ibaadaat will be even more excellent, ameen.

on November 24, 2004 11:09 PM
gillette said

I wasn't sure where to put this.

And, yes, this is freakishly long, but it's only a comment.

SHATTERING ILLUSIONS:

Hijab, Liberation and I

by Misbah Bin Md.Mushtaque Balolia

Today's so called 'modern' age is not famous for highly civilized notions such as modesty and dignity. Decency and humility are considered to be a thing of the past. As a niqabi (face coverer), I am often called backward and old fashioned for following what is commonly called fundamental Islam. Fundamental Islam is fairly flexible and quite easy to implement, while still allowing room for individualism and expression through dress. There are no prohibitions for women's dress on color, cloth, or style so long as they fit the basic requirements. Those requirements are:

1.That the body is covered in a cloth that isn't see-through and won't expose it.

2.That the clothes are not tight or figure-revealing.

3.That the clothes do not imitate the religious or national dress of people who aren't Muslim. Islam is against wanna-be-ism in its followers.

4.That they aren't a proud display of glamour or wealth.

5.That they cover the body of the wearer in all circumstances.

6.That the clothes cover everything but hands, face, and feet.

7.That they aren't men's clothes.

Brought up and raised in the Kingdom of Saudia Arabia, I was always surrounded by women covering themselves at all public places. The regulations of the kingdom require all women to wear the 'abaya', the local word for hijab, when in public view. I was ingenuous enough to think that Muslim women were grateful that the law of the land made it easier for them to comply with their Islamic obligations. What awakened me from my slumber was an incident at my high school graduation farewell reception, after which we would all be returning to our native country--India, for further studies in a couple of months. My biology teacher right from middle school, who let me mention here happens to be a Muslim, declared with a lot of enthusiasm in her farewell address that "the best thing about India is we don't have to wear the abaya". Basically, this was what set me off. I could not capture what was going on. The wheels in my mind started churning. My heart was burning. I was shocked and outraged to hear a fellow Muslim utter such crap and get away with it.

Later, at my verbal disagreements I was asked by my classmates who included Muslims, Catholics, Protestants, and idol-worshippers as to why I was being such a fundamentalist. The then ignorant 'fundamentalist' me didn't quite know what was going on either, but I started looking for answers to why Islam was big on modesty. The more people asked me, the more I was forced to look. The more I looked, the more beauty, logic and common sense I found in Islam. How I dressed had and continues to have a great impact on my faith, surprisingly. I became bent on spreading the rays of truth in their proper light so that I would never have to experience the pain of hearing a Muslimah utter such unfaithful words in a gathering of predominantly Muslims and get away with it without hearing any real opposition from so called "believers" (me included, may Allah forgive me.). That was only the beginning. Time and again I've come across Muslim women who actually have the nerve, or ignorance or whatever you want to call it, to contradict the words of ALLAH, Subhanwataala, and state that hijab is not mandatory. This not only lessens the impact of the importance of hijab, it also stands as an act of shirk on the part of the ones who state it, if only they knew better. Here, an integral part of Islam, an undisputed one, is being not just downplayed but all together rejected by Muslims. What is ironic is that we insist that the non-Muslims should appreciate our faith. How would we ever expect the non-Muslims to respect our religion if we refuse to do so ourselves? The HOLY QUR'AN clearly states:

"And say to the Believing women
that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty;
that they should not display their beauty and ornaments
except what may appear thereof;
that they should draw their veils over their bosoms
and not display their beauty except to their husbands,
their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons,
their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons,
or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves
whom their right hands possess,
or male servants free of physical needs,
or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex;
and that they should not strike their feet
in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments.
And O ye Believers! Turn ye all together towards ALLAH,
that ye may attain bliss."
HOLY QUR'AN 24:31


"O Prophet! Tell Thy wives and daughters, and the believing women
that they should cast their outer garments over their persons;
that is most convenient, that they should be known and not molested.
And ALLAH is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
HOLY QUR'AN 33:59



Before I actually researched the Islamic mandate for Hijab, I was more or less brainwashed with the idea that modesty was oppression and man's attempt to safeguard his possessions, his women, from those who would seek to steal them. My idea was just slightly off; Hijab is a woman's attempt to safeguard her sexuality against those who would seek to exploit it, visually or physically, or to misuse its power. It's not because woman is weak, it's because society is weak. Think about it: everyone knows that sexuality has power, why else is sex appeal so successful in advertising? Sex appeal is frequently abused in all levels of society in much of 'modern' civilization. Advertisers use skimpily dressed women to make us buy everything from biscuits to car tires. Even advertising geared towards children is tainted with dancing girls and exposed skin because the influential powers of sex appeal work on people of all ages, everytime.

One common misunderstanding that people have is that Hijabites are conceited and place excess worth on their looks. So much so that they cover it all up because no one is worthy of seeing it. In actuality, it's Hijabites who are normal as opposed to some non-Hijabites who lack self-esteem, who lack appreciation enough to guard their own beauty, to prevent it from being misused and overemphasized as their only quality that actually matters. It's not that Hijabites are conceited, it's just that everyone else has low self-worth.

Imagine being so scared of rejection that you refuse to show your real face in public, you cannot leave your house without painting on a fake one. Imagine being so scared of having your brain and personality being discovered as substandard that you squash yourself into clothes two sizes too small just so that the attention is painfully drawn away from your heart. Imagine feeling so worthless as a human that you have to try to sell yourself to the world, because unless you put on a show, they might not buy. Women will always and forever argue that by painting their faces they are just highlighting what they have been gifted naturally. Well, plucking your eyebrows next to nothing a'int highlighting, it's deleting. Putting two layers of foundation on your face changing the color of your skin a'int highlighting, it's covering. Applying three coats of super-lash mascara (so that you can bat your eyelashes at every male you come across) is not highlighting, it's layering. Rubbing on lipstick four times darker than your actual lip color is not highlighting, it's drawing and framing. I'm not saying that women who wear makeup and revealing clothes are substandard, I'm just saying that they think they are. A make-up wearing, figure-revealing-clothes wearing woman who reads this will surely be insulted that I tell her she has no self-worth, especially since she thinks she's drop-dead gorgeous!!! The problem is she only thinks she's gorgeous when she's all made up, smashed in clothes not her size. Take all that I've listed above away and this same woman refuses to leave her house. If that's not low self-worth then I must not know what it is...Honestly!

There are two ways a woman can deal with her appearance. The first is to let herself be ruled by it, and the second way is to let the woman rule it. In the first instance, where the woman is ruled by her appearance, she cuts her sleep short for more time in the morning to put her makeup on before she goes to work. She purposely turns her skin cells cancerous for a 'healthy' looking tan, and lets her mental health be constantly under siege with questions about her self-worth and the stress of competing with other women--and men!

It's no wonder that thousands of women worldwide are bulimic or anorexic, or just obsessed about their looks. Oh no, my lips are too pale!--Too pale for what? ALLAH, Subhanwataala, makes no mistakes.

I have to lose five pounds or else! Or else the men who stare recreationally at me will be grossed out and then no one will think I'm pretty! Then how will I attract a man? --What? Use my mind and personality? Come on man, is that a joke?

In the second instance, where the woman rules her appearance, she puts her priorities in order and chooses much-needed sleep over the forty-five minutes it takes to get dolled-up in the morning. She does not put herself at risk by bleaching or tanning her skin, she doesn't give herself anemia or anorexia trying to be visually pleasing to the thousands of men who see her every day and don't give a damn--unless she happens to be putting up a "good" show ... which she isn't. She wakes up one hour before work, total, and gets dressed, eats breakfast, and leaves. She eats and exercises to maintain her well-being and has a healthy attitude towards food and also towards herself as an intelligent human. She knows that she has a right to be thought of as wonderful no matter what she looks like on the outside, and she's in conscious rebellion against the eye-candy culture of the 'modern' civilization.

In a civilized culture such as Islam, the facade of unnatural beauty is seen as a lie, and natural beauty is seen as a private affair. Emphasis is placed not on external beauty, but instead on internal beauty of which all women have equal potential. All men are created equal, why not, therefore, all women? Where unnatural beauty is caked on, rubbed in, or drawn on, natural beauty is cultured by nobility of character, mercy, honesty, forgiveness, compassion, intelligence and other such Islamically recommended traits in Muslims of both genders.

Islam switches the gauge of woman's worth from outer beauty to inner beauty and brains. How? Since sexuality is no longer a public affair, the yard stick has to be taped next to personality and intelligence instead. Anyone who doubts this has only to try and rate the anatomy of a bunch of Hijabites against each other on a scale of one to ten. It's impossible. You can't judge their physical attributes when you can't even see them! No one can see Hijabites because they are not subjected to public scrutiny, no one knows a thing about them. And because no one knows and no one sees, no one cares.

The Hijab is an act of obedience to God, the Hijab is modesty, the Hijab is purity, the Hijab is a shield, the Hijab is an act of righteousness and a yardstick by which you can measure the level of a Muslim woman's faith and belief. The Hijab is a means through which women can regain ultimate control of their own bodies. A woman who wears Hijab allows herself to be judged only by who she is, what she says and does, how she interacts, and not on what was allotted to her physically.

On the other hand, women who let their beauty and anatomy hang in the breeze can be easily compared, scrutinized, dissected and categorized. A 'beautiful' woman (with make-up, inadequate clothing, mental complexes involving her self-worth etc-) is a good woman regardless of whether she is a malicious gossip or has double standards or is a tyrant in her own home. An 'ugly' woman (with no makeup, modest clothing, realistic attitude about the impermanence and irrelevance of beauty) is a bad woman, no matter how kind, how intelligent or how compassionate she is.

What is happening today is this: a 'beautiful' woman feels as though she somehow had a hand in her creation; Aauthuoobillah, is proud of her looks, acts as though her good features are the direct results of her hard work somehow, and not at all to a combination of genes completely outside of her sphere of influence. One wonders; what's the point of turning yourself into a walking aphrodisiac to begin with? Why start the mower if you're not going to cut the grass with every man on the street? It certainly doesn't contribute to a woman's dignity! If a woman wants her worth to be judged by internal merits, then she won't over-shadow them with a display of flesh that historically, biologically and inevitably arouses lust. Not respect or honor or reverence.

Islam believes in equality of men and women. 'Equality' does not mean 'identicality'. In Islam, the role of a man and woman is complimentary, it is not conflicting. It is that of a partnership; it is not contradictory, so as to strive for supremacy. Western talk of women's liberation is nothing but a disguised form of exploitation of her body, degradation of her soul, and deprivation of her honor. The western world calls on Muslim countries for the emancipation and liberation of women. We will be liberated from what may I ask? From ALLLAH, Subhanwataala, and his commands? From the Holy Quran and the Sunnah of our Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him? From this religion that ALLLAH has chosen and designated for us? From paradise?

As Muslims of this world, we are supposed to be brothers and sisters. We are not here to oppress one another by making it impossible to practice our religion. What we choose for ourselves is our own decision, and it is between us and ALLAH, but to openly state that integral parts of Islam are not from Islam is open shirk, may Alllah save us from this. When someone denies an aspect of Islam to the non-believers it gives them a chance to hurt us, oppress us, even subjugate us. It gives them a basis for their oppression -- a precedent, a sort of superiority over us.

The constant turmoil facing the Muslims throughout the world today are a result of our own actions and deeds. We are the ones who have stopped adhering to ALLAH'S, Subhanwataala's, commands. We Muslims are the ones who have abandoned and deserted our religion. We are the ones doing reprehensible deeds and constantly choking our faith. We are the ones who have let down our Prophet(pbuh) and his Sunnah. We, us, ourselves are the ones actually to blame.

Today I am proud to call myself a Muslim fundamentalist. A fundamentalist is a person who follows and abides by the fundamentals of the doctrine or theory that he is following. I am a fundamentalist Muslim who, by the grace of ALLAH, knows, follows, and strives to practice the fundamentals of Islam. A true Muslim does not shy away from being a fundamentalist. I am proud to be a fundamentalist Muslim because, I know that the fundamentals of Islam are beneficial to humanity and the whole world.There is not a single fundamental of Islam that is against the interests of the human race as a whole. Many people harbr misconceptions about Islam and Muslim women in particular and consider several teachings of Islam to be unfair or improper. This is due to insufficient and incorrect knowledge of Islam. One of the main reasons why the smear campaign directed against all aspects of Islam and Muslims has managed to reach such unprecedented heights is because we as Muslims are ourselves unaware of what the Holy Qur'an teaches and what is the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

Living in an Islamic country, one of the most painful realities I've had to face is that many of us who have been blessed to be born as Muslims, don't appreciate the value of Islam. Islam is taken for granted. Many of us who have been fortunate enough to be born into Muslim families and live in Muslim societies have never had the inclination to strive and ascertain and discover for ourselves -- the ultimate truth, i.e., Islam. Islam has been handed to us on a platter; it is readymade for us and that is why we fail to cherish, treasure, and hold on to it. When you come across real life accounts of reverts you realize that people who have eaten haraam and lived in unIslamic societies, but have always kept their minds and hearts open, are willing to accept the truth whenever it dawns and whatever form it takes and are constantly spreading awareness about Islam. These reverts are the ones doing all that is required of us as followers of Islam. Why are we, the ones who proudly call ourselves born into Muslim families, so content with being part-time Muslims? We just leave the responsibility of spreading the true word of ALLAH to the imams at our local masjids and the volunteers at the dawah centers.

The HOLY QURA'N says:

"Ah! Who is more unjust than
those who conceal the testimony they have from ALLAH?
But ALLAH is not unmindful of what ye do!"
HOLY QURA'N 2:140


Islam is a religion of peace.But, we have to use the best sword that Allah(swt) has bestowed upon us.It is the sword of intellect. The sword that conquers the hearts and minds of people. If one critically analyzes the teachings of Islam with an open mind, one cannot escape the fact that Islam is full of benefits both at the individual and collective levels.


"Invite (all) to the way of thy Lord,
with wisdom and beautiful preaching;
and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious!"
HOLY QURA'N 16:125


The west calls on Muslim women to be set free from 'oppression'. We as Muslims have to tell them to take a closer look at their own women. They want to defend unknown and unseen women on the other side of the globe while every action a so called 'liberated' woman takes is done by keeping in mind what the men outside would think of her. She paints her face to please the male dominated society, wears clothes that entertain men and stays constantly on a diet to remain attractive to men. All this is done to amuse every member of the male species; regardless of whether she knows him or viceversa. Isn't this 'oppression' with all it's force? What is contemptible is that these women have the guts to call us, Hijabites and Niqabites , 'oppressed' and 'down trodden'! Man, what a joke!

Islam frees women from being every man's eye-candy, and clearly states that her appearance and sexuality are not public domain. They are a privilege bestowed upon only those who are worthy, and worthiness is determined by whether or not one is fit to spend a lifetime with you. That means your soul mate--your husband. If your could-be-husband is choosing you or rejecting you solely on the basis of how you look and dress, then he needs to be educated on ALLAH, Subhanwataala,( being our first, final, and only architect. The only other people who can see you would be those who were unaffected by it, like your brothers, father, blood-uncles, grand-fathers, and other 'normal' women.

Islam has shown itself to be absolutely the most uplifting religion for women, period. As long as she maintains her Islamic dress code and it is within the preview of the Islamic Shariah, a Muslim woman has been given the right to vote, right to own, right to inherit, right to speak, right to be judged on internal factors. Islam rescues women kind from being overshadowed by her sexuality and gives a woman back her humanity. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

on December 13, 2004 7:00 PM
Justoju said

Oh my God. I read that earlier today and was going to post it. It is SOOO good!

EVERYONE READ IT!

on December 13, 2004 7:31 PM
asif said

Salaam:

The writer has touched quiet few pointers on Hijaab, Masha'Allah.

I have few comments of my own to add here;

1-The realities of today of how a woman is treated, classified, objectified in all cultures, society and nation is not different from what used to happen in Pagan Arabia before the Noor of Islaam came to that region.
2-Its rather amazing that how the western media marinates with the notion that being modest and covered is mutually exclusive with being independent and a free individual.
3-There is, however, a recent case that supports my above argument;When Talibaan were removed by the US forces in Afghanistan, among the many preconcieved notion by the Western Media was the enforcement of Burqa/Hijaab on the ladies of Afghanistan. The acceptable outcome, according to them, would have been that as soon as Talibaans are gone, all the ladies will throw away their bruqas and will enjoy "freedom" that they have been so denied since their childhood. But that actually never happened. Most of the ladies still continued to cover themselves today as they did before. You dont hear any sort of such news from CNN or FOX.
4-My point is that Muslim men and women are to support each other in obeying Allah command and injunction. As Allah has especifically mandated for the ladies to cover themselves (more than what a man is Shara'iy required) then we Muslim Men are to "facilitate" economic, political, social, and cultural atmosphere such that our sisters in Islaam do not have to grapple with obeying Allah's command, it should come naturally.

I dont know if I did justice to what i actually wanted to say...but for now this has to suffice, Insha'Allah.

on December 13, 2004 10:34 PM
Basel said

Assalaamu 'alaikum

I was going through the hidaya 'archives' and this article and its comments raised some issues which I feel are very important. Of those I'll comment on 3:
1. Sr Justoju asked this question: "Her understanding that 'anyone' can be made religious once they are all googly eyed in love with a girl?"

Now, quite a few brothers have answered this questions based more on their own understanding of how a man would act, and less on real-life longterm observances of the result of such unions.

I would strongly urge sisters, especially sisters, not to go down this route. A brother before marriage and a brother after marriage are two different species. Yes, species.
Before marriage, you are the prize that he has to strive for, the one he has to win over.
After marriage, you are the trophy that lies in his closet, gathering dust, and only noticed when showing off to his friends, or when he needs to feel good about his accomplishments in life.
I can write a whole book on this, but its too late in the morning.

Basically, my point is: once married, after the honeymoon period is over, the chances of you dramatically changing a brother's beliefs or personality is close to null. An unmarried brother might feel this way (a result of bollywood/hollywood romantic brainwashing) but from various families I have had the privilege to observe have led me to this conclusion:
the man will stay basically the same way he was.
the woman will forever argue with the man to change his ways, or accept it (but not inside) and try to raise her kids her way.

The sad part is, the man plays a big part in the family, and some of the kids will also end up like their dad.

Phew! I cant stop writing on that topic.

OH! and even if their kids end up being straight, the might still have some habits from their dad retained in the back of their head which they might periodically go back to.

ok... now on to the other 2 issues.

ah... this comment is big enough. I'll comment on them later.

Knowing me I'll probably forget about those two issues, I'm writing them here while they are still in my short term memory:

2. There is a growing notion amongst quite a few religious guys, and I've heard of at least one Sheikh having this opinion, that you should marry a girl who is beautiful enough so that your nafs doesnt wander off to other women once you are married -> leading to religious guys looking at 'made-up' hijabis/jilbabis -> leading to hijabis/jilbabis feeling they have to dress up to attract those religious guys.

3. Having serious sister and brother bouncers at weddings could be successful (reminds me of ISNA, where I volunteered, and you never saw guys manage to sneak into the MSA marriage talks, although the room for women and men were right next to each other)

on January 14, 2005 4:00 AM
Justoju said

I cant wait to hear the rest of the comments...

on January 14, 2005 4:21 AM
Basel said

one possible misunderstanding that could arise out of my comment on issue #1, but not commenting on issue#2:

The type of brother mentioned in issue #1 is the one who marries primarily on looks, not the one who marries for piety. This is related to issue#2, which I will talk about later....

ok i'll comment a bit on issue# 2 right now:

Although a lot of brothers know about this hadith "
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.
Bukhari 7.62.27"

they still dont understand the wisdom behind it.
The nature of a man's nafs is that, no matter how beautiful the woman infront of him is, if he is around her long enough the effect will wear out and, if all he desires is external beauty, the next beatiful woman will seem more desirable. This is very similar to a child who drops his own toy to grab the new toy he sees at the toy store.
It might offend some to call a woman a toy, but to the man who only looks at beauty first, that is all the woman will be to him. Pretty soon the toy will wear out its novelty, and no matter how interesting the toy was when you got it, sooner or later you will be looking for a replacement.
However, a woman who is married for her piety has a different level of respect in the man's eyes and heart. The more her husband knows about her, the more he will respect her, and the lesser the chances of him straying after another woman (whose heart he does not know about). Over the years, that is what will keep them together, not her beauty at 20-something years of age which will probably 'rinse away' when she washes her face on the night of her wedding.

I come to 'rinse away' because I want brothers to remember something they have seen all along: how different ordinary looking women look with and without makeup. If we could just see a veil of deception, and feel our skin burning over and over, only to be regrown to burn again, whenever our nafs asks us to consider a made-up sister over a confident sister, the world would not be lacking pious brothers for pious sisters.

"Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable. " Surah Al-Noor, Verse 26

on January 14, 2005 4:27 AM
Basel said

ya Allah, make me tried and sleeeeeeeeeepy

Once again, to clarify my comment equatin women to toys in the eyes of men who marry them for beauty:

How many uncles have you seen:
staring at actress in hindi movies
flirting with aunties at parties
staring at young girls at weddings (i guess this one has already been covered)

, while at the same time acting with the wives as if their heart is made out of stone.

on January 14, 2005 4:31 AM
Basel said

anddd... i left this last part out:

and if you happen to have glanced at (more sisters than brothers) the wedding albums of such aunties, u'll see how pretty the aunty had looked during her wedding, and how happy the uncle looked.

on January 14, 2005 4:32 AM
Justoju said

Great stuff mashaAllah. I would be much obliged if you would take time out to read the 'Marriage Considerations' series and offer your wise insights on that issue as well. I get the feeling you would have a lot to say about Huda, her suitor, and her 'infatuation'.

The series can be found in the 'Qalam's Crossing' archives:
http://www.hidayaonline.com/archives/cat_qalams_crossing.html

on January 14, 2005 4:45 AM
asif said

Salaam Brother Basel:

Masha'Allah, Excellent comments!

Indeed what you said about men is applicable to most of us, regardless if they are muslims or otherwise. Men as a species, in general, is always looking for a new "toy" or thing to claim of their own.

There are, however, exceptions and not all men after marrying consider their wives as show piece or something collecting dust...and they are the Muhsinoon. And yes the hikmah of that hadeeth is that every other characteristics/qualities in a woman, other than her religion, will be a reason of fitnah for the man.

May Allah make us all as the Muhsinoon and Muhsinaats of this Ummah...Ameen

on January 14, 2005 7:51 AM
smuggler said

This article is a smack in the face. a nice wake up call.
As Muslim desi girls, we are undergoing an inner turmoil. We want to quell the hypocricy we feel in doing these sort of things. Things like hijab, but lots of makeup. Hijab, but threaded eyebrows. But how can we when we are told to look pretty in order to get married? Let's not kid ourselves, that's not the only reason we dress up like this girl. It certainly is a "confidence booster" to be checked out, but let's focus on the negative reinforcement in society, our parents, our family, the community.
It is the girls who flaunt themselves that get the encouragement, the compliments, the praises.
How many times to you see a girl in jilbab being paid attention to? being taken care of emotionally?
In our desi culture she is turned into a premature grandma, a girl lacking vitality...
so what is a girl to do? she wears the hijab, yes, but she will wear the makeup, she will get the eybrows threaded. She is supposed to get married by being checked out yes, that's what momma says, so she will still dress up, but hope to attract the bearded guy, the lesser of two evils perhaps?
She is not giving a proper niche, the muslimah girl. She is not allowed the seperated parties, where she can also be pretty where she can also keep her hair down and show her jhumkey (earings). Even if it is her own wedding, she is not allowed the seperated party. "we want ONE party, not TWo" the mother the father, the inlaws and the prospective husband protest..
so what is she to do except show off her charms, her makeup, her perfume. how can she afford to feel guilty for being "checked out". She wouldn't even be able to face herself in such events if she allowed this guilt to overtake her. So instead she sacrifices part of her haya, puts it in the backburner. Instead she embraces her position, as the headscarfed makeuped girl and that is how we have girls like the one in Wayne Manor.

on March 14, 2005 2:01 PM
Ibby said

so...
what do you smuggle into the US?

on March 14, 2005 11:56 PM
gillette said

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (7/214): If a person is invited to a wedding feast in which evil things will take place, such as wine, musical instruments, etc, and he is able to attend and remove those evils, then he must attend and denounce them, because then he will be fulfilling two duties: accepting the invitation of his Muslim brother and removing evil. But if he is not able to denounce them then he should not attend. If he does not know about the evils until he gets there, he should remove them. If he cannot, then he should go away. Something similar was stated by al-Shaafa’i.

on July 2, 2005 3:50 PM
Mohammed Irfan Shariff said

ummmmmmmmmmm

totally on point.......totally like woah

alhumdulilah.......

just gotta marinate on it for a second......

May Allah protect us from shaytan's whispers

on June 29, 2006 10:01 PM
TAWAKALT said

asalam alaykum warahamotulahi wabarakatuhu,well as for i'm an hijabites and from all i've read about islamic books related to muslim sisters using hijab all assessories, perfumes should not be shown off but to be shown to ghair mahareem i.e our own blood families and our husband and not for the public.ma salam

on April 11, 2009 6:01 AM
Saleha said

Salaam

i have to be honest, you come across extremely vain, and you say how you make sure to keep your gaze down, but you're not doing it with sincerity if you just want the guys to think you are religious!! you do it for Allah because thats what Allah commanded you to do - be modest. And it's also said that you will not enter paradise if you have an ounce of pride in your heart because that is the sin which made shaytaan fall
I'm not trying to lecture you, but its just some advice. Because your article is a reflection of how alot of us girls tend to think, and inshallah we can improve ourselves by being modest with TRUE sincerity
And if you want a religious husband then just make dua to Allah to provide you with a husband who his pious and kind! And Allah will inshallah provide you with what is best for you if you have faith in Him

on May 25, 2009 8:41 AM
Saleha said

Salaam

i have to be honest, you come across extremely vain, and you say how you make sure to keep your gaze down, but you're not doing it with sincerity if you just want the guys to think you are religious!! you do it for Allah because thats what Allah commanded you to do - be modest. And it's also said that you will not enter paradise if you have an ounce of pride in your heart because that is the sin which made shaytaan fall
I'm not trying to lecture you, but its just some advice. Because your article is a reflection of how alot of us girls tend to think, and inshallah we can improve ourselves by being modest with TRUE sincerity
And if you want a religious husband then just make dua to Allah to provide you with a husband who his pious and kind! And Allah will inshallah provide you with what is best for you if you have faith in Him

on May 25, 2009 8:41 AM
Saleha said

ooops im sorry! i thought it was serious, i didnt realise it was an example

jazakallah khair, mashallah it was sooo well written

on June 13, 2009 9:17 PM
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