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December 15, 2004
The Devil's Deception: Part I

by Gillette aka Hassan[uddin] Khaja

Uqbah felt cold water splash on his face as he lay in bed, eyes closed. He thought he could get away hitting the snooze bar on his alarm clock. He was reminded that Ruqayyah wouldn't let him rest in peace when the thread of white crept past the barrier of the horizon. He opened his eyes to see Ruqayyah hovering over him with an empty jug. The condensation from the cold jug continued to drip on to his already wet shirt. She saw that he was - very visibly - angry.

"The masjid prays in ten minutes," she said.
He ignored the question, "That water was cold!"
"That water is sunna."
"So is hitting you!"
"According to who, Shaytaan? He's the same one that's keeping you in that bed in a wet shirt in an apartment with no heat because he made someone forget to pay the bill."
"Give me something to wear, I gotta change. I don't want to wear this outside."
She tosses him a t-shirt and a short-sleeved thawb that's ripped at the bottom.
"I hate this thawb!"
"Seven minutes!"

He changed and charged out of the bedroom.

"Assalamu 'alaikum," she yelled.
"Wa 'alaikum."

She heard the front door slam.

Uqbah was driving Abdur-Rahman home.

"I don't mean to offend you," Abdur-Rahman said, "but you put on way too much attar."
"I didn't want to smell like a wet t-shirt."
"Ruqayyah again?"
"One of these days, 'I divorce you,' 'I divorce you,' 'I divorce you.'"
"Why? 'Cause she woke you up for salatul fajr? Isn't that one of the reasons you married her?"
"I guess."
"What do you mean, you 'guess?' Get your priorities straight, bro. That's how I screwed myself over with my wife. Now I check off 'divorced' on my applications."
"I didn't get married to get frostbite on the way to the masjid."
"If you didn't get married to Ruqayyah, you might not be on the way to the masjid. Am I lying?"
"No."
"Then?"
"You're right."
"She got you to grow a beard," Abdur-Rahman laughed.
"I had facial hair before."
"You had stubble. And you thought it looked good, too. Until you heard that Ruqayyah liked a guy with a beard."
"Can you keep a secret?"
"What?"
"That article on Muslim identity that she wrote for HidayaOnline.com [Talal, pay me for the promotion], that finally convinced me. She told me she wrote it so I would grow one before she approached her father about me."
"Ma sha Allah."
"Funny the way things turn out, huh?"
"Yeah. Funny."

Uqbah pulled into the parking lot outside of Abdur-Rahman's apartment.


of and relating to...
Justoju said

Finally, a heroine worthy of respect.

Ok, so HOLD UP, you are telling me that husbands dont LIKE IT when their wives wake them up for fajr by doing the cute 'water dripping on face' thing? What kind of world IS this!? I always imagined it to be one of the warmer, more sweet moments of a marriage. It never occurred to me that it could be considered annoying.

"before she approached her father about me."

:)
...every guy's fantasy come true...

on December 15, 2004 3:08 AM
asif said

Salaam:

Uqbah still is not appreciative of his companion, Ruqqayiah. But we men usually are "slackers" in that anyways. Not very "open" to appreciate the things that a lady does for her husband.

Hahahaha...I liked the beard thing...seems like the hijaabs and beard are the hot topic on hidaya for this finals week.

Personally, she should have woken him up 45 minutes before Fajr so they could have done qayam/tahajjud together, Insha'Allah.
And dont mind the cold water, each tingling will be a reminder of her concern and goodwill for him, to accomplish what is Obliagotory in front of ALLAH...How can you not but smile to this affection of Ruqqiyah towards Uqbah (even though, Uqbah may be clueless).

And man, i dont like slackers who dont take care of providing needs for their family...whats up with this not paying bills...says a lot to me about his understanding and priority of fulfilling his obligations to Allah and those he is responsible for.

Brother Gillette, Masha'Allah, a thought provoking article...keep it up!

on December 15, 2004 9:12 AM
Saima said

So did she throw the jug full of water on him or was it just trickling down ? (thinking of ideas for her husband ) :)

on December 15, 2004 10:32 AM
Amani said

Salaam Alaykum
Interesting story so far. It shows that a lot of times, we don't appreciate the things our loved ones do for us and that the Shaytan is ever-present, trying his hardest to make us fall.

I love the wife's quick and witty responses, shows she's a woman of great strength...one who won't back down at reminding her husband of his duties no matter how much of a whatever he's being. :)

on December 15, 2004 2:11 PM
gillette said

i'm sorry, you're all going to hate me when i'm done.

on December 15, 2004 2:27 PM
gillette said

"Uqbah felt cold water splash on his face as he lay in bed, eyes closed. He thought he could get away hitting the snooze bar on his alarm clock. He was reminded that Ruqayyah wouldn't let him rest in peace when the thread of white crept past the barrier of the horizon. He opened his eyes to see Ruqayyah hovering over him with a jug of water. The condensation from the cold jug continued to drip on to his already wet shirt. She saw that he was - very visibly - angry."

the first line implies that she emptied the jug onto him. the description is long, but his reaction was indeed quick.

food for thought, to guide your thinking in the right direction: why did uqbah marry ruqayyah?

on December 15, 2004 2:36 PM
Justoju said

Sheikh Abdullah Adhami addresses the whole "water on face" technique in his "Gender Relations" tapes. He explained to us that the sunnah was to do do this a drop at a time, with gentleness and a bit of playfulness, making it something sweet instead of something menacing. The bottom line is that there needs to be mutual respect between spouses, and dumping a jug of water on a sleeping person's head is not only disrespectful but also quite dangerous and rude. Not the best way to wake someone up or to engender love and mercy between the spouses. I like Ruqayyah for her ideals, but if she dumped a whole jug of water on her sleeping Amir's head, she might need to work a bit on her strategy.

on December 15, 2004 3:24 PM
Justoju said

If they liked each other before he became 'religious' then that would also change things a bit...

on December 15, 2004 3:51 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

A little sidestep.

I only heard one of the Gender relations tapes and I have listened to it about 10 times now. I want the whole set, where can I get it?

wasalam

on December 15, 2004 4:11 PM
Saima said

sr Justoju :)

on December 15, 2004 4:34 PM
Justoju said

BROTHER THEY ARE AWEESSSOOMMMEE!

This last summer when 5 of my friends got married, I gave them each a copy of the "Gender Relations" series as part of their wedding gift. It really is THAT good. I dont think I have benefitted as much from any other lecture on marriage/love/sexuality/respect. It really did help change the way I saw marriage.

You can get them from a number of places. I got mine from IslamicBookstore.com.

http://islamicbookstore.com/genrelisfacm.html

on December 15, 2004 4:47 PM
Justoju said

sr Saima :)


(are we in love?)

on December 15, 2004 4:48 PM
Amani said

Sr Justoju: Only 5 of your friends got married this summer? :P

Sr. Saima: SAIMA! :D

Br. Gilette: "i'm sorry, you're all going to hate me when i'm done." I don't like the sound of that. :/

on December 15, 2004 5:02 PM
Justoju said

I dont have many friends.

Hidaya is my friend.
Right Hidaya? Right?
Right Justoju! I am your friend!
Yes, yes you are, precious, you are my friend, my best friend...
Yes I am Justoju, we dont need anyone else!
Yes, yes, you are right, we dont...just the two of us...thats fine...yes...

on December 15, 2004 5:08 PM
ibtisam said

LOL!
Maybe I should get the gender relations tape as well. Although, I must say waht a mean person to have a whole jug of water dumping on the dude. I mean she should have first talk to him before and stuff. Even Allaah, lets us pray fajr when we wake up. She needs better strategy.
Why did he marry her?
Why do men and women get marry in general. I dont wanna sound without any haya', I hope you know what I mean.

on December 15, 2004 9:00 PM
Nisa said

MashaAllah Br. Gillette. I look fwd to reading the next installment inshaAllah. Although, I can't think why we won't like you after you're done...*shudders*

Also, on the whole waking the spouse up for fajr deal, as Sr Justjou so rightly stated, a lot of love and tact needs to be used when waking your partner for the Fajr salah. Shaykh Khalid Yasin in a recent lecture said that the reaction of the husband will all depend on how the wife initiates the wake-up (and vice versa of course). He said that the wife should be gentle and use loving words such as, ya habibi etc, so that he will WANT to get up.

wAllahu a'lam.

on December 15, 2004 9:48 PM
Justoju said

"why did uqbah marry ruqayyah?"

I think a problem that often occurs is that people marry religious spouses thinking that they will magically have their struggle made easy for them. Though a riteous spouse definitely 'helps', the personal struggle will be there regardless of who you marry. People shouldnt think that marrying so-and-so will make everything instantly easier. If they marry someone who isnt 'their speed', they will need to handle each other with a TON of diplomacy and mercy because the chances of their getting frustrated with one another are all the higher.

on December 17, 2004 6:18 AM
gillette said

BTW, just because this happens to be about a married couple, the theme that I'll be trying to drive home will have nothing to do with marriage.

another question to guide your thinking:

analyze the title. where have you seen it before?

on December 17, 2004 12:19 PM
asif said

Salaam Brother Gillette:

Are you hinting towards the "original" temptation of Shaitan (SATAN) to Um-Hawwa (EVE) in paradise, and how that one act led to us Humans being beemed down on this earth!

Looking forward to rest of your article :)

on December 17, 2004 12:48 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

Talbees Iblees by Imam Jawzi

The whole discussion about the woman being gentle is not pertinent in this case. The man was not awake 10 minutes before congregation. He needs to be awake at-least 10 minutes prior in order to have time to change, make wudu and get to the Masjid.

This is to all the sisters reading this post. Once you get married, try gentleness first. Use some kind words and a drop or two at a time. If he refuses to get up, introduce an entire jug of water in his face and give him a good smack while you are at it. We need to be gentle when enforcing submission to Allah but after gentlness, firmness is required. He may be the Amir but you are the Amirah. Do what you must to get him up. He may be cranky now but he will love you on judgement day.


Let me try to guess what you are trying to get at in this post Hassan. If i am wrong, stop me. Uqbah married Ruqayah for reasons other than her religious committment. First Satan decieved him by making her beauty or weatlh attrractive and now he is decieving him by suggesting to him that she is not being a good wife by enforcing submission to Allah. If the beginning of the marriage was based on desires, it will end due to desires.

PS- What happened with Adam and Eve was not just Eves fault. They both ate from tree. The excuse that Eve led Adam to disobey Allah has been used by Christians to promote religious chauvinism that has very little to do with Islam. Christians think that since Eve led Adam to commit the “Original Sin”, she was cursed to have the pains of Child Birth and Menstruation. This same original sin excuse has been used to debase women throughout history by Christianity but Islam holds Adam and Eve as equals.

PPS- Get me Ruqyyah's Wali's contact information once she divorces this loser LOL.

on December 17, 2004 1:43 PM
Justoju said

"He may be cranky now but he will love you on judgement day."

And in between all that he is going to divorce his wife.

There are some things that you do NOT do to a grown man, especially if you are his wife. Some things really wont get you anywhere and will just make the relationship more of a battle zone.

on December 17, 2004 2:01 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

"There are some things that you do NOT do to a grown man, especially if you are his wife. Some things really wont get you anywhere and will just make the relationship more of a battle zone."

Correct

I humbly bow out.

But what would do you do if he isn't getting up?

on December 17, 2004 2:06 PM
asif said

This is rather amusing...

Some great pointers by Faisal..but I think Hassan said that this article is not about marriage between Uqbah and Ruqyyiah.

And in regards to the first deception of Satan, yes the blame was shared equally by both our parents (Adam and Huwwa {AS}).

Hey, have you guys ever considered us Humans as the "Aliens". We were Introduced to this world to co-exist and be the "khalifa" to all the Species already existing on earth.

So the term "Beem me up Scotty" does apply to us Humans.

By the way, JUMMAH MUBARIK!!!

on December 17, 2004 2:10 PM
Justoju said

question: Did he grow his beard out to impress her or did he do it for the sake of Allah, Glorious and Exalted, because he learned a thing or two from, and was inspired by, her writing on Muslim Identity?

Did she write her article for the sake of Allah, Glorious and Exalted, or because she liked him and wanted him to fit more evenly into her conception of 'the one'.

on December 17, 2004 3:15 PM
Justoju said

"But what would do you do if he isn't getting up?"

What is at the root of his not being able to get up?
If he is too tired, try to make it a habit to go to bed early. Do whatever it takes to make sure he is well rested and rejuvenated when he wakes up.
If he is lacking motivation, work on finding a more 'islamic' environment for your family. Being around the right people, listening to the right tapes, watching the right videos can be huge uplifters of one's motivation.
If its too cold for him to want to get up, make sure he is in a warm sleeping environment. A few extra blankets would be good.
If he doesnt want to get up because he feels it would be giving 'in' to your pressuring (and he finds that insulting to his manhood) then motivate him indirectly.
And of course, it always helps to figure out his weaknesses and to use them against him for a beneficial and islamic end.
The point is, there a TON of things you can do depending upon the person and situation. The key is to find the root problems and deal with them. Forcing a man to get out of bed by annoying the hell out of him is just a bandaide over a deep wound and wont really do anything to solve the problem. It will just add to the frustration for both people.

on December 17, 2004 3:35 PM
gillette said

"question: Did he grow his beard out to impress her or did he do it for the sake of Allah, Glorious and Exalted, because he learned a thing or two from, and was inspired by, her writing on Muslim Identity?"

the article convinced him (this is a sign of my bad writing - that this wasn't strongly implied)

"Did she write her article for the sake of Allah, Glorious and Exalted, or because she liked him and wanted him to fit more evenly into her conception of 'the one'."

aren't they one in the same? if she saw potential, and the beard was a sticking point for her (because it says a lot about a man; it's a big step for a muslim man in a non-muslim country to take), isn't it for allah (swt)?

on December 17, 2004 4:03 PM
Justoju said

True.

I wrote a couple of reasons for why it doesnt seem 'right' to me, but when I examine them they dont seem to hold and the premise-conclusion connection is flawed.

on December 17, 2004 4:56 PM
asif said

I have a general question:

Is this Hidayaonline frequented mostly by Rutgers Muslim students, or do you have contributors from all over. I am from California, but it seems like you guys all know each other well and I am assuming most of you are from Rutgers. Correct?

Just curious, thats all.

on December 17, 2004 7:29 PM
gillette said

if it sounds like we know each other well, it might be because we've been commenting on this website rather frequently (it's over a year old). in fact, most of the commentators are or were writers for this site.

not everyone's from Rutgers. I believe one of the writers is from south africa. word spreads.

on December 17, 2004 7:33 PM
ibtisam said

A year old?
I thought I discovered it last year and it had been here for a while. LOL! So I was right about why he married her.

on December 17, 2004 10:39 PM
Imran said

Salaam All

Back to the issue of water sprinkling, I always thought that id be the one waking up 'the misses' with the water sprinkling trick

that way i can plan my attack with the supersoaker 500 :)

Nah seriously I think brothers udervalue the role of the wife and mother, they do so much with very little recognition, so I think the brothers should try and aim to wake up their wives for tahajjud as they really do lead a tough and hectic life, just look at our mothers, theres so much wisdom, why do you think the beloved said ' jannah is under the feet of your mother'

Mashallah they (the women)are nutrients that nourish the seeds of the next generation

on December 18, 2004 5:04 AM
Justoju said

MashaAllah, that last line of yours is awesome.

I could be wrong but I dont think the supersoaker 500 is sunnah. Bidah hasana at best.

on December 18, 2004 6:14 AM
Saima said

that's it ! i need my supersoaker.... you can get the trickle effect with it.

Sr Justoju your perspective is correct as far as waking up ur spouse with gentleness. You have to start early.. and slowly coax your spouse.. try to use different phrases that might invoke different emotions in them.. like "wake up the sun is going to rise soon, you'll miss salaah." or "it's gonna rise ! i see it ! " or .. "you have 5 more minutes.. hurry, shaytan is gonna win"..

Be creative.

YOU HAVE TO show MERCY towards your spouse. You absolutely have-to have-to have-to. Showing mercy with firmness in the deen is something that you have to really use your mind to do. It doesn't come naturally and you have to be creative.

A lot of times I've seen that brothers and/or sisters that are looking for spouses want someone who is in a sense "at a higher state of emaan" than them. Just remember, that Allah knows best, and that maybe a righteous person like yourself will be paired with someone who is righteous but just needs some encouragement and direction in practicing their deen. The best thing is to make istikhaara about any potential spouses so that Allah may guide you on to the straight path.

:)

on December 18, 2004 7:55 AM
asif said

Salaam:

Sister Saima you are wise beyond your age, masha'Allah. Yes encouragement and support of spouse is essential, and to have patience while doing it.
In regards to helping someone wake up, I have used this many times and it seems to work very effectively, (not only on spouse but on everyone).

When you have to wake someone, Just say Assalaamu Alaikum (so-&-so). He/She may not reply in the first 1-2 salaams but usually by the 3rd one they will be up and may even reply back...once they do say Wa Alaikum Assalaam, then remind them its time for prayers...Insha'Allah.

on December 18, 2004 8:25 AM
Justoju said

My wife won’t get up to pray Fajr and gets angry if I wake her. What should I do?
Answered by Sr. Zaynab Ansari

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, and may His blessings and peace shower upon our Beloved Messenger.

I know that you find your wife's lack of concern about the fajr prayer disturbing, but before you get upset with her, consider the following: Why does she get upset when you try to wake her? Could she have a sleep condition? Does she have small children or an infant who might keep her up at night? How much sleep does she get?

If you think your wife might not be getting enough sleep and this is what is preventing her from waking up for Fajr, then try to help her by getting the kids into bed at night, assisting her with the housework, or whatever the case may be.

If this is not the case and she is getting plenty of rest, then just ask her what it is about the prayer that it is so hard for her to get up. Ask her to be honest with you. Tell her that as her husband and her brother in Islam, you care about her. Missing prayers is a serious sin, and you do not want to see her fall into this. Tell her about the great blessing of the Fajr prayer, and that Fajr time is one of the best times for du’a. Tell her that if she gets up and prays with you, this is quality time you can spend together. In addition, couples that worship together are often closer than those who do not.

Give her these words from our Prophet to encourage her:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: Whoever prays the dawn prayer in congregation, it is as if he had prayed the whole night long. (Muslim, p. 454, no. 656; al-Tirmidhi, 221).

According to a rigorously authenticated (sahih) hadith: Whoever prays al-Bardayn will enter Paradise. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 2/52). Al-Bardayn are Fajr and ‘Asr. [These hadiths are courtesy of Sr. Khadija al-Razaq who was kind enough to share them with me.]

Please be patient with your wife and encourage her to make her prayers. Maybe some inspirational tapes by scholars would also encourage your wife to reflect on her actions.

Ask Allah to help her. Ultimately, Allah alone is the one who gives success.

And Allah knows best.

Zaynab Ansari
www.SunniPath.com

on December 19, 2004 2:25 PM
Justoju said

Speaking of inspirational tapes...the CD on Prayer (by Kamal el Mekki) that ISRU handed out is really an excellent kick in the pants. Its so good that I handed out copies to family members and friends. It systematically goes over people's arguments for not praying and decimates them.

on December 19, 2004 5:03 PM
Sharif said

I will embrace a wife such as Ruqayyah. What a blessing it is to have a spouse who is willing to sprinkle water on you in order to get you up for Fajr. Such behaviour is a wonderful sign of obedience to ALLAH swt and affection for one’s husband.

Personally, I would be delighted to wake up and find my wife forcing me in this way to fulfil an obligation to our Lord. As one of you rightly said, you will not regret marriage to such a women on judgement day. What Ruqayyah did is actually very sweet.

For all you unmarried persons out there, join me in praying for a similar women to enter and bring joy to our lives, if she hasn’t already done so.

on April 2, 2006 1:28 AM
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