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December 3, 2004
Marriage Considerations II: Interview

by Justoju

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Disclaimer:
This piece is not an auto-biographical story about ME. I am not Huda. Huda's personality and strengths are not mine. Huda is a fictitious character, much too perfect to be real, and if her account seems credible it is because that is how many 'religiously motivated' girls feel when they are in the situation described in the story. Whatever the reader's personal feelings towards Huda (regarding her expectations, reactions, etc) please note that they should not be extended to this novice writer who is, ultimately, simply experimenting with fiction.

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“Huda beta, your father and I really like them. He comes from a good family, is a doctor, is decent looking, and speaks Urdu. His mother says that he used to be very involved in the MSA when he was at Columbia and that he goes for Jumu’ah prayers. We like him, please try to be fair with him and give him a chance. He even has a beard.”

She gave a mischievous smile. "Ammi, I always give them a fair chance.” She sighed, “Don’t worry, don’t worry, I will try not to scare him or insult him or maim him or anything." She smiled again. "I have to leave something fun for the second meeting right?"

Her mother laughed. “See, I know you are joking right now because my daughter is too sweet and polite to actually do anything to cause us worry or pain or lawsuits. Right beta?”

“Yup, you definitely got that right. I definitely am pretty sweet. Absolutely. Now, speaking of sweets, should we serve dessert now?”

Huda and her mother left the kitchen and carried the trays of dessert and tea to the dining room where their guests were just finishing their dinner. After serving the tea and desserts, Huda’s mother realized it was getting late and that it was time. She waited for the proper moment and then spoke.

“The times have changed and kids these days wish to know a little bit about the person their family is considering for marriage. I think it would be a good idea if we let them talk.”

Huda’s mother had waited an adequate amount of time for Surraya Auntie to propose the suggestion before proposing it herself. She had gone through this many times and knew the drill.

Auntie looked pleased. She had started to worry that Huda did not have any social skills.

“Yes of course! I was thinking the same thing right now, actually. Let's give them some time to understand a bit about each other.”

Her mother led the ‘kids’—desserts in hand—into the vacant family room. Huda sat on one sofa, sandwiched in between his older sister and her aunt Aisha, while he sat on the other with his younger brother. They each waited for someone to speak.

Awkward silence.

Her aunt quickly jumped in. “Maybe the two of you could ask each other any questions you might have?”
Huda hid her smile. Good ole Aisha Khala.

He spoke up, “So uhhh thank you for having us here tonight. Everything has been great. So what do you like to do for fun?”

She wondered if she should give him her take on haram entertainment and how it was a tool used by the rich capitalist bourgeoisie to keep the drugged masses in a state of comfort and distraction so that they would never wake up long enough to question the establishment that enslaved them and their minds…ok maybe that wasn’t the best way to break the ice.

Hmm, how could she explain to him what she considered "fun" without seeming like she thought she was hot religious stuff. She thought of herself as weak and struggling and wanted a practicing and strong husband so that she could complete half her deen and improve her relationship with Allah at the same time. She didn’t want him to think that she thought of herself as being some high and mighty queen of piety. She finally decided that it didn’t matter how conceited he might assume her to be, his opinion didn’t matter, she was sitting here for the sake of Allah (Glorious and Exalted) and she should just tell him the truth. Concealing her honest interests before him out of fear of being perceived as "proud" was as bad as someone making up Islamic interests for the sake of being perceived as "religious". They both were a sign that the person "cared" about what others thought about them and their relationship with Allah. They were both riy'a. She could not lie and she no longer cared what he thought about her or her practice.

“Well, I work and go to school, but in my spare time I love taking classes that can benefit my deen, reading books/poetry, going to halaqas, taking intensives, trying to brush up on my pathetically barely-existent Arabic, going to dhikr sessions, and just, you know, hanging out with friends. What about you? And I am sorry, I don’t think I caught your name.”

“Sorry, it's Usman. Wow, mashaAllah, that’s a lot for one person to do." He laughs. "I usually just go out for a movie and food with friends. I don’t go to clubs or anything like that, but I do like parties and just chilling with friends. I used to be in the MSA when I was in college, but I kind of got over my ‘fanatic’ phase during med school. I just didn’t have time for the things I used to have time for and I guess I kind of became more practical and less idealistic. But its cool that you are into these things.”

Huda looked up for a moment and saw him leaning back on the sofa, looking comfortable, and taking her all in. He had this look on his face as if he had her all figured out and his eyes were moving up and down her seated form. If she didn’t know any better she would think he was checking her out. She felt her stomach churning. She quickly reminded herself that he was allowed to look at her for marriage, that she was wearing an abaya made to fit some sumo wrestler, and that all he could really see were her face and hands anyway. She was protected.

He suddenly noticed that she was looking at him.
He made eye-contact and smiled.
She quickly looked away, turning red and feeling sick. Great, now he thought she was checking HIM out.

She composed herself. “I am glad that you are cool with my being into these things, but do you desire them for yourself? What kind of a Muslim do you aspire to be? I want to hear about YOU.”

“Look, Huda, Islam teaches us how to take care of each other and how to fulfill the rights of others. It teaches us how to be a good person. I don’t think I am a bad person if I miss some prayers or have a little fun sometimes after putting in a hard day as an exploited resident. I am not hurting anyone. I am not a fundamentalist and I think its important to see the spirit of the religion. I mean, one day I hope to be a better muslim, but right now I am ok with how I am. I want to know more about you. I am sure there is more to you than just all this Islamic stuff. I think we should really give each other a chance, I mean I think we could really balance one other. And I think we could have some chemistry.”

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To be continued...


of and relating to...
Talal said

"much too perfect to be real"
why oh why is that in the disclaimer?? Let the ideal live...

Just wondering, is this series going to go until Huda finds the one to whom she will be betrothed?
or are you just going to highlight each "Stage" once?

on December 3, 2004 7:10 PM
Munazza said

wow is it just me or do all the sisters luv the name tariq... lol
btw are all tariqs doctors....
hehe

on December 3, 2004 7:12 PM
Blazing said

Nope Not all Tariqa are doctor, my younger bro (who is single) is doing his MBA.

on December 3, 2004 7:21 PM
asif said

Salaam:

What is this?...I thought we will have the complete hardball (interview) in one package? I guessed wrong!

I cant believe the parents of Huda dont realize that she is way too conservative for this Tariq fellow. I think the first filtering process should happen with the parents or aunts or sisters who know Huda well. I mean, Huda doesnt have to dress up and go through this routine each time her family fancies someone just because he has a career and a matching Goatie!

Also, the folks that Huda will really appreciate are those fellows that participate in the week or month long Deen Intensive programs held annualy in Miami or New Mexico. All the rest of the clowns aint her type.

I will miss Huda...

on December 3, 2004 7:50 PM
sister said

Forgive me for being pedantic..but I'm praying there was a mahram present for this stage of the meeting :-P

MashaAllah enjoying it so far ukthi! Looking forward to the next installment inshaAllah :)

on December 3, 2004 8:39 PM
Abdullaah said

LOL!
where is the sufi mullah, Huda needs that.
Lay off the doctor guys, they really do have a lot of stress in life. I think Huda can mold him, lol!(JUST KIDDING, DONT jump on me please)

on December 3, 2004 9:08 PM
gillette said

i get to read the excerpts (the little blurbs that are displayed on the left side of the home page right after the article). wonderful quote, mashallah.

“...I don’t think I am a bad person if I miss some prayers or have a little fun sometimes after putting in a hard day as an exploited resident. I am not hurting anyone. I am not a fundamentalist and I think its important to see the spirit of the religion. I mean, one day I hope to be a better muslim, but right now I am ok with how I am. I want to know more about you. I am sure there is more to you than just all this Islamic stuff. I think we should really give each other a chance, I mean I think we could really balance one other. And I think we could have some chemistry.”

Oh my God. Do people actually think like this?

May Allah ta'ala grant Justoju, the writers, and our ummah hidaya. Ameen.

on December 3, 2004 9:56 PM
Munazza said

lol @chemistry
wow at least he has the guts to say "chemistry" to a fully veiled girl lol....most guys wud run the other way screaming molwani molwani lol

on December 3, 2004 10:59 PM
Justoju said

Br. Talal- Huda's future is in the hands of Hidaya's readers. I am considering different options, but I would definitely like to know what you all would like to see.

Sr. Munazza- well actually, that other Tariq is a playa and is tryin to get with both Huda and Sophia. Its wierd, for some reason it was the first name that popped into my head and it was only after I read your comment that I realized why it was the first to pop into my head. I had apparently read it in your article. I am going to change his name so that the readers dont develop a bias against Tariqs.

Br. Asif- parents cant really do much religious filtration before the first meeting. They can filter based on other things (age, marital status, career, etc.) but it is very very very hard to judge someone's deeni inclinations without meeting them. Even then, you really have to talk to the guy and ask direct questions to get anything out of him.

Sr. Sister :)- They werent alone and had three other people in the room with them.

Br./Sr. Abdullah- Ummm, I dont know about that...she might not be into sufi guys. We will see.

Br. Gillette- You have nooo idea...That guy's quote is 90% nonfiction and IS ACTUALLY A REAL GUY'S QUOTE that I had the disappointment and horror to hear around 2 years ago. And then every once in a while, I hear a slightly modified version of it. Its very sad.

Sr. Munazza- you know, thats part of who he is. He knows most desi families would kill to get him as their perfect little son-in-law, so he thinks he can say anything. Its an arrogant sense of entitlement that erases haya. And girl, lemme tell you, there are a LOT of not-so-religious guys that would LOVE to get married to some mullani (as long as she is hot and isnt a niqabi). Its the ultimate ego trip for a lot of guys...who says a jilbabi cant be a trophy wife?

on December 4, 2004 2:03 AM
asif said

What???
Jilbabi as Trophy?
Who in their twisted brain thinks like that?
Man I am glad I did not cross path with someone like that otherwise he would had to crawl home on his bum!

Each day I am learning new things on this site. Man I was too Shareef and Naive when I was in college. Did not know all these variations of muslims on campus.

on December 4, 2004 2:13 AM
Justoju said

Would the brothers of this site care to do the honors of explaining to Br. Asif why certain not-so-religious guys might want a jilbabi trophy wife or shall I?

on December 4, 2004 2:15 AM
asif said

Why dont you indulge me, Sister Justoju. Lets hear it, Insha'Allah.

on December 4, 2004 2:40 AM
Justoju said

Brother Asif, one of the things that I would like to do on this discussion board is to engage other people. One of the most popular of the frustration-causing 'girl'-related topics that young unmarried religious men talk about is the topic of religious girls falling for not-so-religious guys. The answer to my question should come naturally to most young unmarried religious guys.

on December 4, 2004 3:09 AM
asif said

Justoju San:

The answer hasn't come naturally to me and that would mean its probably because I am not too young no more-like most of the folks contributing on this site. And that I have been married before, and that I am probably not religious enough!

SO whats the answer...who among you young folks can spell it out for this old geezer?

on December 4, 2004 8:51 AM
gillette said

Asif,

"Man I was too Shareef and Naive when I was in college. Did not know all these variations of muslims on campus."

your form of cynicism, while at times cute, is becoming quite lame. previously, you mentioned that you tried marrying a real muminah, and it ended in divorce. may allah ta'ala make life easier for you, but please stop taking your frustrations out on people who are trying to aim high.

if you want advice as to finding a good wife, here's some: stop trying to find her on the internet.

to justoju,

i don't know the answer to your question, but i could venture a guess or two.

1) a "jilbabi" has been protected all her life, so it's quite the turn-on for a not-so-religious guy to bring her out of her shell.

2) a "jilbabi" can help him be more religious.

3) a "jilbabi" is more likely to be overwhelmingly obedient to the point that he can drink while watching the Super-Sin Bowl and she won't do anything about it.

on December 4, 2004 12:29 PM
gillette said

and before i'm labelled a naive college student, i don't think that we have to look for a khadijah (radhiyallah anhaa) or a muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), but the main criteria is that the prospective spouse should give a damn about his/her religion.

on December 4, 2004 12:31 PM
gillette said

some naivete for everyone:

i recently had the good fortune to be studying arabic with a rather fascinating brother. while he was earning minimum wage, he got married to a sister who was going to college. he supported her while they lived in a studio apartment. after she graduated and got a nice job, they moved out, and she supported him while he went to college.

The endgame? he's 37 with four kids, and works as a software engineer.

this isn't the rule, but neither are the scenarios that cynics present either to justify their cynicism.

i guess naivete's a relative term, n'est-ce pas?

on December 4, 2004 12:48 PM
asif said

Salaam Gillete Bhai:

Lagta Hai Aap Abhi bhi mujhsey Naaraaz hain. (Seems like you are still upset with me).

Reagrding your answers, I think first 2 seems reasonable, the 3rd one...I dont know, any mominah or Jilbabi must not tolerate her man drinking (especially at home)!

Good inputs brother Gillette.
By the way if I am in town, I will take you out for lunch or dinner at your favorite spot, just to make up for all my lame comments that has been annoying you.

The same offer goes for anyone and everyone on this website who are off the same opinion as Brother Gillette.

Hey by the way, you college folks are gonna have final exams/projects soon...so Allah Ma'ak.
May Allah make it easier for all of you to pass with flying grades in your exams, Insha'Allah...Ameen

on December 4, 2004 12:54 PM
Justoju said

Thank you Br. Gillette for your guesses. You hit the nail on its head. Can anyone venture a guess as to why a jilbabi might be seen as a 'trophy' wife though? And what exactly IS a trophy wife?

on December 4, 2004 1:29 PM
Talal said

I think it'd be very interesting if you'd go all the way through until Huda found her "One". The guys have incessantly babbled on about this, and it's admittedly interesting to see how right or wrong one's assumptions of how the the person across the table thinks are.

It's kinda been Hidaya's forte on the marriage issue, mashaAllah... InshaAllah it'll serve the purpose of people realizing what they really NEED in a spouse, not just what they WANT.

a little cross-reference:
http://www.hidayaonline.com/archives/000171.html


on December 4, 2004 3:50 PM
gillette said

i advise the brothers and sisters on this site to question the necessity of two:

1) E-mailing a member of the opposite gender when there is a very public forum (the "Comments" section) in which to communicate

2) E-mailing and not CC'ing it to someone else, since it's quite khulwah-ish

on December 4, 2004 3:53 PM
Bint Abdul Khaliq said

As Salaamu Alaikum

JazaKALLAH sis but I think I'll leave it there..btw I wanted to know if Huda's Mahram was present for the interview,a brother or father perhaps? Wish her all the best with the rest of the interview and I salute her for holding on to her principles and her deen.I certainly learnt a thing or two from her.

Was Salaam

on December 4, 2004 3:58 PM
Justoju said

The meaning of being alone (khalwa) is when a man and a woman who are not immediate family members (mahram) remain alone in a room or place in a way that a third person is not easily able to enter upon them, or it is not usually accessible to others. This also includes a room/area, the door of which is closed, even if it may not be locked. Yes, if the door remains open, then that would not, in of itself, be considered Khalwa.

To my dear sister- I am not sure about the necessity of there having to be a mahram with them in the same room. I always thought it would be ok for them to sit as long as:
- there was a third person with them listening to their convo.;
- their conversation was in a business-like fashion;
- The doors were not closed and a mahram was in close enough proximity that he could easily walk in at any moment.

Let me know if you know more about this and I will gladly make the necessary changes in the story inshaAllah.


Br. Gillette- Thank you for the reminder.

on December 4, 2004 4:29 PM
ibtisam said

I am assuming that this reminder does not include, technical discussion with the editor about the article? does it. Like if I say br. Talal please put up my article, do I still have to cc to you(br.Hasan) or sr.Bint Abbas?

on December 4, 2004 4:36 PM
Jannah said

One should not generalize about 'jilbabi's' just as one can't generalize about hijabi's.

People put way too much emphasis on articles of clothing; while they may show something about a person they can not really determine one's level of taqwa or how practicing they are in all aspects of deen. It could just be that the said jilbabi feels strongly about covering properly and nothing else-which would be kinda sad, but is the truth.

Thankfully Huda's not like that...maghrib calls.

on December 4, 2004 4:39 PM
Jannah said

Dictionary.com says:

trophy wife
n.
An attractive, young wife married to a usually older, affluent man; "his trophy wife was an asset to his business"


on December 4, 2004 5:01 PM
Jannah said

Thus insinuating she is something hard to attain and good for display- well only cuz you know, trophies are things displayed....wait a minute a jilbabi is not supposed to be on display.

It is the opposite of everything her jilbab stands for!

Perhaps then the 'not so religious guy's' ego is then inflated even more when he attains the 'jilbabi trophy wife' because he is undermiming everything her jilbab stood for (stands for?)

Man, the 'not so religious guy' is really not that religious.

on December 4, 2004 5:04 PM
gillette said

"Home > Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings > Transactions > Marriage > Mahram Relatives >
Question:

Does khulwah (being alone with a member of the opposite sex) only refer to when a man is alone with a woman is some room, far from the view of people? Or does it mean every instance where a man is alone with a woman even if that is in view of people?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

What is meant by the kind of khulwah that is haraam is not only a man being alone with a non-mahram woman in a room where no one can see them, rather it includes their being alone in any place where they can converse with one another, even if that is where others can see them but not hear them, and whether that is in the open air, in a car, on the roof of a house, or wherever. Khulwah is forbidden because it is the forerunner of zina (adultery, fornication) and the means that leads to zina. Every case that is like this comes under the same rulings as khulwah in the sense of being away from where people can see you.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 17/57 (www.islam-qa.com)"

Unsupervised contact via e-mail, IM, etc. doesn't sound too far from this. if anyone can quote a scholar who addresses the issue (as to whether or not it constitutes khulwah) and can post it, that would be nice.

on December 4, 2004 5:24 PM
ibtisam said

I thought, talking someone as conversation via email on marriage or what not is un-islaamic but as far as work and professionally related, it might be a "gray area" wallaahu alim.
I feel as much as I wanna be a good salafeeyah, it is hard, especially since I am going to school and if I am writing for hidaya, i guess, now I should cc my emails to you as well as Br. Talal, that is fine. But lets say I am purchasing books from my school listerve, the person selling the books, I can email. If I am asking a fatwa question to a sheikh, I can email him.
But in terms of marriage, if I am talking to a brother, prospect spouse etc, THEN I can cc the email to my father or something. Why dont you ask Al-maghrib teachers, they would know

on December 4, 2004 5:43 PM
Bint Abdul Khaliq said

As Salaamu Alaikum

Sr Justoju I could not find anything online but from what I have heard from the 'Ulema it is required that a Mahram be present in the same room during the actual coversation of the boy and girl.This makes sense as her Izza is protected.Usman probably wouldnt be 'checking out' Huda so daringly if her dad is standing a few feet away.

Contact with ghair mahrams is not allowed.If the necessity arises (as in the marriage proposal)the communication between ghair mahrams must be kept to the bare minimum and the presence of a mahram fascilitates this.shaitaan is ever on the prowl.May ALLAH protect us all.Ameen.Will try to find out more about this InsHALLAH.Duas sister.May ALLAH reward you.Ameen.

Br Gillete is bringing about a very important point.Nowadays we are commiting zina of the hands without even realising it Na'oozubILLAH! Talking to ghair mahrams,writing letters,e-mailing,IM,Commenting unnecessarily...they would all fall in the same catagory of haraam.The Qur'aan says that we should not even go NEAR Zinaa.In my point of view,written communication is even more dangerous than direct communication in a sense.

from Askimam.com:

"It is Haraam for any female to unnecessarily converse with males other than
her Mahrams. Similarly, using modern technology, via internet, etc. to
communicate with Mahrams of the opposite gender is also prohibited
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai"

May ALLAH protect us all from shaitaan and the evil of our nafs.May HE also protect this website and make it a true a source of Hidaya.

Ameen.

on December 4, 2004 6:11 PM
asif said

Salaam:

What kind of Impractical Fatwah is that???
I have never heard Khulwah to be all what this Fatwah is mentioning.

Its your intentions that counts in the first place. Islaam does not aims to make your life difficult. I mean according to this Fatwah, I cant have anyone in my car but my parents and siblings and uncles and aunts...BULL CRAP!!!

Sorry, I dont beat around the bush...thats my two cents...and I dont mean to offend anyone.

on December 4, 2004 6:15 PM
gillette said

"What kind of Impractical Fatwah is that???
I have never heard Khulwah to be all what this Fatwah is mentioning."

define "impractical." first, prove that its status according to the sunna (waajib, fardh, haraam, mustahabb, etc.). the sunna is practical.

"Its your intentions that counts in the first place. Islaam does not aims to make your life difficult."

since when did intentions change the status of an act?

"I mean according to this Fatwah, I cant have anyone in my car but my parents and siblings and uncles and aunts..."

you catch on quick, although i heard the rule is a mahram has to be present if you're with non-mahramah (spelling/grammar?).

on December 4, 2004 6:38 PM
Tobr.Gillette said

Assalamu Alaikum, brother, i dont understand, your cold and harsh attitude with just about everyone(including myself) and the funny thing is that we might even agree with you but you are quick to criticize and quick to judge. You are on the minhaaj but you have to improve your ikhlaaq and your mannerism. You will need this before you get married and you will need to treat your wife and her family with kindness not with cynicism or sarcasm, with beautiful speech and not the attitude of "my way is the highway"
I hope you will take these words to heart.

on December 4, 2004 6:58 PM
gillette said

hmm....

"Islam Questions & Answers
www.islam-qa.com
Question Reference Number:: 36803
Title: How should he offer advice to a non-mahram woman?

Home > Inviting others to Islam > Calling non-Muslims to Islam >
Question:

I had a female class-mate when I was studying in middle school, but praise be to Allaah I adhered to the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) which say that one should not be alone with a non-mahram woman. My question is: I know that she has some good characteristics, and I want to offer her advice and guide her, but the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade being alone with a non-mahram woman, and Allaah forbids looking at a non-mahram woman. So how can I call her (da’wah)?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

As you mention, it is haraam to be alone with a non-mahram woman and it is haraam to look at her. If you want to offer her advice, then you can speak to her when she is concealing herself from you, and without being alone with her. You could also give her some useful books and tapes that will help her to learn the rulings of her religion, or write the advice to her, or use other useful means that will not lead to fitnah and will achieve the desired goal.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 14/70. (www.islam-qa.com)"

on December 4, 2004 7:06 PM
asif said

Hahahahahaha...

Gillette Bro, thank you for the prescription...
Yes, I could be harsh, but I usually fold quickly back to my normal accomodating self.

Regarding my future spouse, I dont think I will be Sarcastic or Cynical with her. My wife and I wouldn't have time to nit pick on each other....and I will tell you this, (for future reference), that after marriage-as a husband-we men should concede to most of what our spouse have to propose, so long as it is nothing outrageous.

So, NO I wont say "its my way or Highway" to my lovely, adoring, and esteemed wife, Insha'Allah.

on December 4, 2004 7:19 PM
Ibtisam said

Ahh brother Asif,
taht bit of advice was NOT for you but rather it was FOR Br. Hasan Aka Gillete from myself.
I was not sure what he meant by posting that fatwah but I dont think he agrees with me criticizing him openly. Well, brother, you gave a double edged sword, regardless I could advise you via email but that would entail me to cc to br. Talal. so I didnt bother.

on December 4, 2004 7:30 PM
gillette said

it's actually funny. as i was posting the fatwa, you posted your "anonymous" comment.

on December 4, 2004 8:18 PM
ibtisam said

have you guys swore off not to reply to my email?
Sr. Justojo? Brothers?
if you muslim brethren wish for me to leave this website, say it clearly, I will not mind and still pray for you. You may also delete my column if you wish. Please forgive me for hurting your feelings. Think of my as a foolish person who need hidayah, make dua for my hidayah because only Allaah can give hidayah. Thank you Br.Faisal for your articles and encouraging advice and comments. Br. Rami likewise for your input especially your articles on the book you mention always. Sr. Justojo thank you for patiently putting up with me. Sr. Bint Abdul Khaliq, Nadia, Saima, and whoever I am forgetting, jazakumullaahu khairan ya muslimeen wa muslimaat.

on December 4, 2004 11:50 PM
Talal said

Sister,

InshaAllah give your brothers and sisters a few excuses..
It's the weekend, finals are looming, there could be any number of reasons for people to be occupied.

No one thus far has even hinted for you to leave.
just a little sabr inshaAllah...

on December 5, 2004 12:03 AM
Munazza said

jerry springer on hidaya oh come on ppl we're all adults grow up and swallow ur pride n get over it :) love each other
sister ibtisam *hugs* thank you for saying wut u felt and standing by it, it shows true courage :)

on December 5, 2004 12:46 AM
Justoju said

Man, I come back from a wedding and I find that the fellowship is already breaking apart.

Sister Ibtisam, you havent offended anyone and I apologize if I ever offended you. I have a pretty thick skin so I dont take too many things too personally or seriously--and unfortunately I automatically (yet often erroneously) assume the same of others. I often forget that the average person is more sensitive than I am. So I apologize if I offended you, it wasnt my intention. Your views are always welcome.

Now, why havent I emailed you back yet? First of all, mashaAllah that was quite a long email you wrote to me and I need to really find time in order to do justice to the reply. I am not the type to really 'keep in touch' with the people I care about (whether by email, phone, fax, whatever) and am terrible at replying to anything. I have messages on my phone saved from around a month ago. So, it is not your fault that I havent replied, its my own personal social ineptness that is to blame. InshaAllah I will reply, but every day I end up having a truckload of work and by the time I am done I am too tired to really compose anything intelligent (as can be witnessed by most of my posts). So forgive me.

on December 5, 2004 3:16 AM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

"...say it clearly, I will not mind and still pray for you."

Very Noble Indeed.

As Sheikh Yusuf Estes once said: 'You shouldn't be so quick to criticize that person praying next to you for not doing this or doing that...he may be praying for YOU during Salat...meanwile you're out to get'em (Paraphrasing)

I do not believe anyone wishes for anyone to leave Sister Ibtisam.

This is what happens when fiqh arguments and marriage arguments get mixed in the same line of fire. There should be at least a three day cool off period between the two subjects. Now everyone cool down and go listen to some recitation of Qu'ran prefereably by a rather soothing voice such as Hudhaifi, Abdul-Baset, or "the man" Sheikh Al-Hasori.

www.reciter.org

Waslaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

Waslaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 5, 2004 3:50 AM
Justoju said

Btw, I discovered a few new insights at this wedding I went to. I will try to work them into some future article or post or something inshaAllah.

Now, to get back on track...

Sr. Jannah, your last line was funny. I am glad I keep you around :).

A trophy wife is one who, like a trophy, is used by her husband (sometimes unconsciously and indirectly) to make him look good in front of a specific target audience (ie. his boyz) and entitle him to a feeling of "look what I've got. You wish you had this. Yes, be jealous of me. I am the man"

What quality of hers makes her a 'trophy' depends on the specific target audience for the specific guy. It depends on what it is that that target audience values.
If the guy is the type whose circle consists of a bunch of intellectuals, he would want his wife to be a super-intellectual.
If the guy is the type whose circle consists of a bunch of sports nuts he would want his wife to know EVERYTHING having to do with sports.
If the guy is the type whose circle consists of a bunch of money-grubbing materialists, he would want his wife to be dripping with ice.

Now, the most easily, generally, and broadly appreciated quality in a woman is her beauty. Unless she wears a niqab, its really right there. It doesnt matter how much she covers up, a pretty face is a pretty face and it will be appreciated. This quality gets appreciated regardless of the target audience.

A not-so-religious guy whose target audience is a bunch of other guys like him (who all mess around but want that pure innocent muhajjiba in the end), would want to get a beautiful, pure, innocent muhajjiba because he knows it will make him look big in front of his boyz. Not only will they be jealous because she is hot (talking about face here), but also because they know they dont have a chance with her and that their friend found himself a pure and untouched 'maiden'.

Also there is that comfort that she has no experience with men and that they wont be compared to anyone else and will always look good.

All of these types of guys who use their wives as trophies in diff. ways do so out of a sense of insecurity and due to a certain amount of objectification of their spouse. They see their spouse as one more asset that they own, that can be used to increase their status amongst their peers. Men whose self-worth depends upon what assets they have amasseed are fundamentally insecure and their understanding of their identity is quite shallow.

Some 'religious' men fall under the above traps also. But not if they are sincere in their deen and if they are truly trying to apply the deen in their lives. If a truly religious man marries it is because he wishes to benefit his relationship with Allah, not so that he can benefit his image before his peers. Islam demands an absolutely pure intention, it demands ikhlas (sincerity), so if a man is truly on the Path, he will automatically care more about what the girl can bring to his deen than what she can bring to his reputation.

on December 5, 2004 3:50 AM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

I can't believe I spelled Sheikh Hosari's name wrong. Well, there you have it...Hosari. Who, so I've been told, was the Ustaaad of all the other egyptian-born sheikhs (Minshawi, Abdul-Baset, etc.)

Sr. Justoju, can there not also be trophy husbands?

Interestingly enough...the last wedding I went to (a few months ago in Egypt) also surprisingly gave me many insights. Apparantly only two other people decided to go upstairs (the wedding was on a nile river boat) when the belly-dancer came out. It ended up that the three of us had a very good religious conversation describing all the beautiful things we saw around us and the blessing of Allah subhanna wa taaal. It ended up reminding me of Surat Al-Rahman at the time and the aya

Waslaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 5, 2004 4:19 AM
Rami said

...countinued from last commment


"And His are the Ships sailing smoothly through the seas, lofty as mountains:

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?"


Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 5, 2004 4:20 AM
Justoju said

SubhanAllah, thats amazing.
You make a tiny sacrifice and He instantly rewards you with a priceless moment of sweet Remembrance. He is so good to us alhamdulillah.

And yes, there can DEFINITELY be trophy husbands. Women run after security the way men run after physical intimacy. This is why in marriage, a man's threat to divorce is as devastating to a wife as her threat not to share his bed can be for him. These two specific threats are like poison for a marriage because they aim at the other spouses main reason for getting married in the first place.

Men run after beauty because of beauty's connection with physical intimacy. Women run after power and wealth because of its connection with security. (Think of how females in the animal kingdom choose their mate based on the assets and security he can provide for the potential brood/nest.) The truly religious however run after deen because they understand that the key to happiness and fulfillment in ANYTHING, physical intimacy or security, lies in their relationship with Allah, Glorious and Exalted.

What good is having a beautiful woman or a wealthy man if your relationship with the CREATOR of blessings is weak and you do not have the blessing of truly and completely enjoying that person's god-given beauty or security?

Nothing can cause or guarantee anything save Allah, Glorious and Exalted.

on December 5, 2004 4:37 AM
gillette said

i talked to Imam Raouf of MCMC. He said that e-mailing the opposite gender doesn't constitute khulwah, but he placed emphasis on the fact that it's still a dangerous game (i think most of the readers, as web users, know this).

on December 5, 2004 9:20 AM
asif said

Salaam My little green brothers and yellow (polka-dot) sisters:

May you all be Blessed with Happiness that lasts forever, with Sakeenah that resonates throughout your existence, and with Allah's Radaa in all spheres of your life...Insha'Allah wa Ameen!

on December 5, 2004 11:11 AM
asif said

Salaam Guys:

I have a favor to ask y'all:

What is the Recommended Biogrpahy of Prophet Muhammad (Sal-lal-la-hu-wa-sal-lam), in English?

I have read the Sealed Nectar, Muhammad by Martin Lings, and the Benefactor. But they are relatively small biographies. They dont go in detail.

Is there a Biography in English (or translated in English) that is in volumes and covers a whole lot more, like the Sahabaas, the Ummahatul Momeeneen and significant details about the cause of revelations in certain occasions. I know there are some new CDs from Imam Hamza Yusuf and other fresh scholars, but I would rather have books that were written in earlier period.

Okie doke, let me know...Otherwise I may have to consult the Zaytunah Institute here in Hayward.

on December 5, 2004 11:26 AM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

"The Life of Muhammad"
(Allah's peace and blessing be upon him)
by Muhammad Husayn Haykal
Translated by Isma'il Razi A. al-Faruqi

http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Books/MH_LM/default.htm

The book itself is very hard to come by, but it's available. Must read, even if you don't like the author. The best thing about this book is how he answers polemics(orientalist) about all of the accusations made against the Prophet Muhammed, peace and blessings be upon him.

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 5, 2004 12:12 PM
asif said

Jazak Allah Khair Brother Rami:

The link that you gave me contains Haykal's whole book translated online? or are those just outlines, and the actual book has more details that is covered in multiple volumes?

Thank you anyways, its a great link.

masalaama

on December 5, 2004 1:36 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

No, that's the entire book. Don't take it lightly, The book itself is 594 pages long, not including the prefaces and the forwards which will put it well over 600. I GREATLY recommend that you read the prefaces and the forwards first, it will give you much insight into the bookand contains much information.

Also,
ISBN# 0-89259-002-5
Library of Congress catalog card number: 76-4661

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 5, 2004 2:02 PM
Justoju said

AssalamuAlaikum,

JazakAllahu khair Br. Rami for that book recommendation. From what little I read of the book in the past, I can say that it is definitely a gem.

Also, could any of you give me a little bit more info (a fatwa with reference would be nice) regarding whether Huda's interaction with Usman was halaal or not. This is starting to worry me. I am going to keep up my research, but let us know if any of you have anything conclusive to share with us inshaAllah.

on December 5, 2004 5:26 PM
Justoju said

Again, I always thought it would be ok for them to sit as long as:

- there was a third person sitting with them listening to their convo.;
- their conversation was in a business-like fashion and within the limits of propriety;
- The doors were not closed and a mahram was in close enough proximity that he could easily walk in at any moment.

Let me know if you know more about this and I will gladly make the necessary changes in the story inshaAllah.

on December 5, 2004 7:13 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

I remember Mazen Mokhtar talking about this once at ISRU. He said that as long as the door was left open, or the mahram was withing visual distance (meaning that there's nothing they could do that the mahram wouldn't see) then that's ok. Mazen is not a sheikh, but his knowledge of Islam is pretty extensive as most of you know.

wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarkatu

on December 5, 2004 7:37 PM
gillette said

"What is meant by the kind of khulwah that is haraam is...where others can see them but not hear them...

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 17/57 (www.islam-qa.com)"

with all due respect to mazen, he's not a scholar, and certainly not at the level of knowledge of Shaykh Salih Al-Munajjid.

on December 6, 2004 12:26 AM
Justoju said

Ok...sooo....bottomline is that since Huda and Usman had three other people in the room with them, the door was open, and a mahram was in the other room, the interaction was halaal?

on December 6, 2004 1:18 AM
Justoju said

And Br. Gillette, I dont believe Br. Rami was saying that Br. Mazen believed that the two could sit alone. From my conversations with Br. Mazen, I have always left with the impression that he does believe that two nonmahrams cannot be in a room together without a third listening to them. I think he was commenting on 'marriage talks' and where the mahram had to be in relation to the couple.

End result of what Br. Mazen was trying to say: You gotta have a third person in the room with you but the mahram also has to be within visual distance.

Br. Rami, correct me if I am wrong.

on December 6, 2004 1:22 AM
Justoju (call for nasihah) said

AssalamuAlaikum,

I am trying to think up a broader, more general, title for my "Huda" series under which I can post a variety of things connected to her. I think I really want to develop her character and compose some personal journal entries for her. "Marriage Considerations" seems too boring and limited. Any suggestions?

The winner will have their name inserted into the story. If the winner is a male, his namesake will marry Huda (that is, if she is his cup of tea and he is ok with marrying her). If the winner is a female, her namesake will enter into the story in a different, gender-appropriate, unique, and unexpected way. I think I will throw her into the plot twist :)

Dont worry females, you will like being in the plot twist...

on December 6, 2004 2:25 PM
asif said

Salaam:

Can anyone recommend a credible and authentic Deen intensive program anytime in between Dec 17th - Jan 2nd? It can be anywhere in US/Canada?

JazakAllah Khair
Masalaama

on December 6, 2004 4:15 PM
Mostafa ibn Mohamed Khalifa said

Asalaamu `alaikum,

I know there are some conferences, etc. during that time (see ISNA, ICNA, etc.).

As for as class-style, the AlMaghrib Institute is bringing "The Purification Act ~ Fiqh of Worship I" to NJ the 2 weekends after that (Jan 7-9/14-16) inshaa' Allah. More info can be found on their class site http://www.almaghrib.org/tpa.php inshaa' Allah.

on December 6, 2004 4:53 PM
anotherprogram said

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on December 6, 2004 5:45 PM
gillette said

to justoju,

how about "a needle in the sea"?

"O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more that a needle decreases the sea if put into it."

from Arba'een An-Nawawiyyah, Hadith 24
http://www.ymofmd.com/hadith/hadithnawawi.html#hadith24

on December 6, 2004 8:33 PM
Abdullaah said

How about "What every Muslimah wants?"
I hope I win, I hope, then you can put my male psuedonym in there in sha' Allaah
AND my female name Ibtisam.
That would be cool. But...I also like Br. Hassan's title. Needle in a sea
How about?
"The search for a pearl?"

A pearl signifies spouse in Islaam.If someone sees pearl in their dream, that is what is suppose to mean, also gold.

"Huda's shining Gold"

on December 7, 2004 12:32 AM
Jannah said

-Trophy Hunting

-Fight to the Finish

-The Other Half

(this could imply a spouse, ones 'other half', AND refer to the hadith about marriage equaling half the deen, AND refer to Huda's other many wonderful selves that the world (or family)doesn't know of or at least doesn't fully understand and so she must keep a journal)..wow I'm getting as into this as you J. scary.

I would like the word meow somewhere in the text, regardless of if i win, thanks much. ;)

on December 7, 2004 12:49 AM
Abdullaah said

I am very excited about the Al-Maghrib Class in NJ,
when is the last date to sign up for it?
Any chance we could do it on the day of the class?
please email me the info if any of you guys know about it.
Laterz,
Abdullaah

on December 7, 2004 12:56 AM
Talal said

"A New Wardrobe"

or

"Window Shopping"

on December 7, 2004 12:59 AM
Rami said

Aslaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarkatu,

"Nothing less than Muhammed"

or

"The Journey of a young Muslimah"

or

"My Heart was meant for you Allah"

...and if by some chance I do win, may I ask for the prize you were offering in the other article; namely, "5 heartfelt duas"...those would certainly be more valuable. Besides, It would be incredibly weird watching me get married before I ever really did get married.

Waslaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu


on December 7, 2004 2:06 AM
Justoju said

Excellent suggestions thus far...

its interesting, I have written up the part where she meets 'him' (all 4 pages of it) even before having figured out what is going to be in part III.

The winner will have any and all reasonable requests indulged.

I should have mentioned this earlier but part of the prize is that you will automatically get those 5 heartfelt duas ALONG WITH the chance to have your namesake included in the story inshaAllah.

And brothers, remember, if you win it wont be YOU getting married, its just some abd'Allah with your name. I plan to take that name and materialize a muslim around it that will unknowingly take Huda's breath away.

Something funny I just remembered...
A year ago a brother I was considering for marriage suggested that I write a series on a young muslimah's marriage experiences. His suggestion for the title?
(drumroll please)

"Catch her in the Rye-shta"

...still cracks me up...

on December 7, 2004 2:53 AM
asif said

Salaam:

I think the title is straightforward as is and conveys adequately to the reader.

Name of characters are fine as well...I am a bit biased, cause Huda, Tariq, and Aiesha are names close to my heart as they are names of my family members and someone special.

Okie doke...you guys be cool!
masalaama

on December 7, 2004 4:42 AM
Amr ibn Muhammed Gharib said

Asslaamu 'Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah

Masha Alaah; very good article sister Justoju.

My favorite part was the description of haraam entertainment:

"She wondered if she should give him her take on haram entertainment and how it was a tool used by the rich capitalist bourgeoisie to keep the drugged masses in a state of comfort and distraction so that they would never wake up long enough to question the establishment that enslaved them and their minds…"

...

"to justoju,

i don't know the answer to your question, but i could venture a guess or two.

1) a "jilbabi" has been protected all her life, so it's quite the turn-on for a not-so-religious guy to bring her out of her shell.

2) a "jilbabi" can help him be more religious.

3) a "jilbabi" is more likely to be overwhelmingly obedient to the point that he can drink while watching the Super-Sin Bowl and she won't do anything about it."

How about the Nur (that Allaah SWT gives His righteous servants) coming from the masha Allaah jilbabi? [not generalizing by saying that all jilbabis are righteous]

...

"Can anyone recommend a credible and authentic Deen intensive program anytime in between Dec 17th - Jan 2nd? It can be anywhere in US/Canada?"

Nice inconspicuous ad for the Deen intensive program Br. Asif.

...

Sr. Justoju:

how about naming it
-"Reasonable Expectations?!"
-"Aim for the moon; b/c even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars" (I know, I know, that was a long one)
-"Just trying to complete half my deen"
-"what's wrong with Islaam"
-"just trying to be Muslim"
-"trophies and topies: a futile pursuit?"
-"trophies and topies: are they real?"
-"in pursuit of trophies and topies"
-"the pusuit for trophies and topies"

I hope these were good.

S@!@@MZ

on December 7, 2004 11:34 AM
Justoju said

Trophies and topies...I am amused... :)

btw, I noticed that a few people focused on trophies in their suggested titles. The concept of 'trophy' wives/husbands has only come up in the discussion board and isnt really all that much of an underlying 'point' or theme in the tale itself.

Excellent suggestions thus far mashaAllah. Keep em coming...

on December 7, 2004 9:28 PM
Amani said

Title suggestions

Since Huda means "guidance" (or "right guidance"...I
looked it up ;), how about incorporating that into the title like, "Guidance for Huda" ..."Huda's huda", Huda for Huda", "a life of Huda"...something like that...

on December 7, 2004 10:48 PM
Abdullah said

oh please decide quickly, so that I dont have such high expectations that I might win. Please
lol!
But hey regardless put an Abdullah in there somewhere.

on December 7, 2004 11:19 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

Covenant of Mercy

A Friend and a Comrade

A love divine

The Cherished Companion


Since your article is about the search, you can also play with the follwoing alterations.

Seeking the/a
The Quest for
Searching for
The hunt for

on December 7, 2004 11:29 PM
Justoju said

Unfortunately, even if I decide upon a winner, I cant reveal their name until we have reached the right part in the story. The change in the title wont come into effect until then.

Feel free to post as many title suggestions as you want. I am definitely impressed by the creativity within our ummah, mashaAllah.

on December 8, 2004 12:36 AM
asif said

Salaam:

Who is the housekeeper for the comments section?
Doesn't matter, I think its good to have frivilous and inappropriate comments purged from the website.
Jazak'Allah Khair

And, Allah Maak for your exams.
Insha'Allah, each one of you will be successful...Ameen

Masalaama

on December 8, 2004 12:58 AM
Justoju said

Aside from the Al Maghrib and Zaytuna programs, this is another one that is coming up...

ALIM Winter Program
Theme: Who Are We?
When: Dec. 31-Jan. 3 (New Year's Weekend)
Where: DALLAS, TX

Registration: www.alimprogram.com

Speakers:
Shaikh Ali Sulaiman Ali
Dr. Abdul Hakim Jackson
Dr. Muneer Fareed

WHY YOU NEED TO REGISTER NOW:
***There is LIMITED SEATING for this event***
The ALIM Winter Program is an annual program with loyal attendants so seats DO fill up FAST. The reason the attendants are so loyal is because it offers a ONE OF A KIND, FOCUSED program centering around a single topic. Those who attend once, are usually hooked and attend annually! NOW is your OPPORTUNITY to have access to such a valuable experience!

THEME DETAILS:
Who Are We, by Samuel Huntington, is a book discussing the theory that the American Identity is ultimately defined by White Anglo Saxon Protestant ideals. Any 'infingements' (i.e. ISLAM) on this ideal often pose as a disturbance. The aim of this year's ALIM PROGRAM is to draw on the QURAN, SUNNAH and ISLAMIC JURISPRUDENCE to understand how to enter into such a society. Qualified and knowlegeable speakers have been chosen to cover this highly pertinant topic.

COSTS:
The cost of registration can be found on www.alimprogram.com Please keep in mind this covers FOOD FOR ALL FOUR DAYS, packets of information needed for the program, accomodations for our generous speakers, and of course a unique wealth of PRICELESS knowledge

on December 8, 2004 1:21 AM
sister said

Sister Justjou..I posed the question regarding the need for a mahram to be present, or whether it was permissible for one to be within easy reach of the meeting on AlMaghrib.org. Here's the reply given by Shaykh Abu Ammar Yasir Qadi:

Salaam Alaikum

If the situation is as you have described (i.e., a number of other sisters are sitting in the room with you) I don't see any problem with that, and Allah knows best.

Yasir

Truly, Allahu ta'ala a'lam.

on December 8, 2004 9:11 AM
asif said

Salaam EVERYONE (on Hidayaonline)!

Man am I going to hell, just because I am no Salafi, or Hanmbli, or Hanafi, or Shafiee, (and what was the 4th madhab)? Anyways, I am also no Sufi.
So, for someone like me, who is not into this nitty gritty details of the implications or Fiqh of madhabs, do I have any chance to be salvaged?
Meaning, can I just be a simple muslim? Who reads and understands Quran from the Sunnah (hadiths) and implements in his life as much as he can. And if I go to a Khutbah or seminar and hears this sheikh teach good things about Islam (based on Quran&Sunnah) I will accept it without judging the sheikhs background or motive...(I mean good is good, no matter who says it, or where you learn it from)....and one more thing, I am actually open to any Madhab so long as it makes sense. So sometimes I follow one Imam and sometimes I follow the other Imam, Is this completely WRONG??? MUST I FOLLOW ONE PARTICULAR IMAM? If NOT, then what is all this Bull on this website about its either this way or highway?

This reminds me of one incident that has burned into my memory; I was about 15-16 yerars and I was walking through a not so familiar streets in Karachi...it was time for Asr prayers, and I was hoping I can find a mosque quickly...I then spotted a Sheikh (with a very Sunnah Beard) and wearing a cap and dressed like a sheikh walking towards me. I stopped and said Salaam, and then he beemed at me with a very pleasant smile and returned the Blessings. I then asked him, if he knew of a mosque nearby, and he replied which mosque do you go to? I was not sure what he meant by that, so I said any mosque (closest in proximity) will do. First, I saw him recoil with my response and then all his gentle disposition drained away from his face. He then commented to some extent that I must be a looney to think that I can just go to any mosque and pray. Moreover, he then looked at me like a useless, clueless, hopeless individual and then jerked his head and went about his merry way. I stood there for some minutes and started walking and trying to grasp of what just happened...I was not a complex person then, and am not even now...but I still think about that incident and hoped that he would have directed me to "a" mosque.

Bottom line is...you guys can all talk about this madhab or that madhab, sufi vs salafi, wahabi vs non-wahabi as much as you like. The fact of the matter is I wont be asked by Allah what Madhab I followed...but that I performed my obligations to HIM according to Sunnah (as much as possible)....Moreover, I HATE being Labeled as part of one of the above groups or madhabs.

By the way, you guys must put more time towards your exams and finals than on this site. For me its no biggy, but for you guys its probably a distraction...anyways, May Allah make it easier for all of us to be HIS servant and Ummati of RasulAllah (sal-lal-la-hu-Wa-sal-lam)...Ameen

on December 8, 2004 11:32 AM
Bint Abdul Khaliq said

As Salaamu Alaikum

'Soul Searching'

Was Salaam

on December 8, 2004 1:17 PM
gillette said

"Man am I going to hell, just because I am no Salafi, or Hanmbli, or Hanafi, or Shafiee, (and what was the 4th madhab)?"

the fourth one is maliki, and if someone tells you that it's waajib to follow a madh-hab, then, yes, you can be punished for it. (I think it's a good idea to follow a madh-hab, but waajib's a strong word). Also, the consequences for not picking an opinion and sticking to it are disastrous.

"So, for someone like me, who is not into this nitty gritty details of the implications or Fiqh of madhabs, do I have any chance to be salvaged?
Meaning, can I just be a simple muslim? Who reads and understands Quran from the Sunnah (hadiths) and implements in his life as much as he can. And if I go to a Khutbah or seminar and hears this sheikh teach good things about Islam (based on Quran&Sunnah) I will accept it without judging the sheikhs background or motive...(I mean good is good, no matter who says it, or where you learn it from)....and one more thing, I am actually open to any Madhab so long as it makes sense. So sometimes I follow one Imam and sometimes I follow the other Imam, Is this completely WRONG??? MUST I FOLLOW ONE PARTICULAR IMAM? If NOT, then what is all this Bull on this website about its either this way or highway?"

The madhaahib and the Imams of those madhaahib have gone into the "nitty-gritty" for you. It's not as simple as picking up a hadith book and deriving rulings from it. How do you know if it's strong? How do you know if there aren't other ahaadeeth that conflict with them? One of the fundamentals of fiqh-ul-madhaahib is the matter of reconciling conflicting ahaadeeth and making illa on one of them, and using the basis for accepting the other as an asl for everything else.

do you know whether or not to accept a mursal hadith? do you know what mursal is? do you know the conditions of accepting a weak hadeeth? do you know what weak is? do you know who the weak narrators are? did you know that there are differences of opinion in the hadeeth sciences? did you know that, if you reject mursal ahaadeeth, you've deemed the niqaab to be waajib? did you know that even the classical scholars related weak opinions without necessarily saying they're weak?

"This reminds me of one incident that has burned into my memory; I was about 15-16 yerars and I was walking through a not so familiar streets in Karachi...it was time for Asr prayers, and I was hoping I can find a mosque quickly...I then spotted a Sheikh (with a very Sunnah Beard) and wearing a cap and dressed like a sheikh walking towards me. I stopped and said Salaam, and then he beemed at me with a very pleasant smile and returned the Blessings. I then asked him, if he knew of a mosque nearby, and he replied which mosque do you go to? I was not sure what he meant by that, so I said any mosque (closest in proximity) will do. First, I saw him recoil with my response and then all his gentle disposition drained away from his face. He then commented to some extent that I must be a looney to think that I can just go to any mosque and pray. Moreover, he then looked at me like a useless, clueless, hopeless individual and then jerked his head and went about his merry way. I stood there for some minutes and started walking and trying to grasp of what just happened...I was not a complex person then, and am not even now...but I still think about that incident and hoped that he would have directed me to "a" mosque."

sux to be you.

"Bottom line is...you guys can all talk about this madhab or that madhab, sufi vs salafi, wahabi vs non-wahabi as much as you like. The fact of the matter is I wont be asked by Allah what Madhab I followed..."

the madh-hab you follow is the basis of how you worship allah. the worship of allah is secondary only to aqeedah in islam. so, inshallah, you'll probably be asked about the madh-hab you followed, because each madh-hab is an interpretation of the sunna, so following a madh-hab is a means to following the sunna. and isn't this one of the greatest matters to be asked about?

"By the way, you guys must put more time towards your exams and finals than on this site. For me its no biggy, but for you guys its probably a distraction...anyways, May Allah make it easier for all of us to be HIS servant and Ummati of RasulAllah (sal-lal-la-hu-Wa-sal-lam)...Ameen"

I'm not sure what your background is, but it sounds like you're a college graduate.

Act like one.

wallahu alam

on December 8, 2004 1:49 PM
asif said

Salaam:

Here goes nothing (my few comments on the marriage title);
- Treading with Humsafar (I think that means companion or travelling buddy)
- The Ideal Libaas (covering or dress as husband&wife are to each other)
- The Union of souls (this is sooo cheesy)

I think my brain just melted with the last suggestion.

on December 8, 2004 1:58 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

To all the brothers(sisters, you've been pretty good):


Sahih Bukhari:

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 61:

Narrated Masruq:

We were sitting with 'Abdullah bin 'Amr who was narrating to us (Hadith): He said, "Allah's Apostle was neither a Fahish nor a Mutafahhish, and he used to say, 'The best among you are the best in character (having good manners)."'


Sahih Muslim:

Book 41, Number 4781:

Narrated AbudDarda':

The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: There is nothing heavier than good character.


Book 41, Number 4791:

Narrated Jarir:

The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: He who is deprived of gentleness is deprived of good.

Waslaaam Warahmatullah Wabarkatu

on December 8, 2004 2:00 PM
asif said

Brother Gillette:

hahahahaha...I like your punch line! That was great.

And thank you for some "insights" of the Madahib and the sciences of hadeeth. I agree with you completely on those. What you stated were facts in regards to them.

On the other side, please dont quote any imam's opinion to me, or your own that Allah will judge me this way or that way, or will ask me this or that. Its not your or any Imam's (RA) (alive or dead) fatwah that impresses upon me how Allah will finally "Judge" me, or each one of us.
that being said...you must know this brother; Its not how you start, but its how you end, that is what really counts.

Ergo, lets keep doing the good things, and may Allah Bless us all with a Blessed Life in this world and may our return to HIM be with HIS Mercy towards each one of us...Ameen

on December 8, 2004 2:13 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

How about:

"Huda LilMutaqeen"


Wasalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 8, 2004 2:49 PM
Justoju said

:)

Br. Rami, you and your sister seem to think along the same lines. MashaAllah, great suggestion.

And JazakAllahu khair Sr. Sister for posting up Sheikh Yasir's response.

on December 8, 2004 2:54 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

I didn't even notice that she posted. Subhan Allah.

Amani, you always were my favorite (and only) sister. =)

Waslaam Warahmatullah Wabarkatu


on December 8, 2004 3:02 PM
Justoju said

here is another one...I have heard really good things about Taybah's Arabic classes.


Taybah Institute
ARABIC CLASSES
January 8 – March 13, 2005

Beginners 1: Saturdays, 12 – 3pm
Begins January 8, 2005
No previous knowledge of Arabic required.
Beginning reading and writing of Arabic.

Beginners 2A: Sunday, 10am – 1pm
Begins January 9, 2005
Reading of Arabic required. Basic vocabulary, more reading/writing of Arabic, sentence construction and introduction to Arabic grammar.

Intermediate 1: Sundays, 2 – 5pm
Begins January 9, 2005
Ability to read Arabic and some grammar background required. More intensive study of grammar, reading and writing skills.

Cost: $200 plus the cost of textbooks

Class Schedule
* 2 hours of Instruction
*25 minutes for Break
*35 minutes of Conversation

Register Online @ www.taybah.org
Locations in Brooklyn and Manhattan to be announced.

For further information please e-mail us at: info@taybah.org or call 718-541-2688

on December 8, 2004 4:31 PM
me said

"I had you at Salaam"

on December 8, 2004 6:29 PM
oops said

I mean "You had me at Salaam"

on December 8, 2004 6:30 PM
Nadia said

91 comments!!! Mashallah, Now I have started to believe that shaadi IS a hot topic among the Muslim Ummah or maybe it is the amazing writings of Sr. Justoju ;)
Anyways, I don't know which one of your article's had 5 heartfelt duas for me but I am posting it here anyways. Jazakallah khair, ukhti, million times for your duas, I am indeed blessed. I had seen them once but then somehow they got erased, so i didn't say anything because I thought maybe you took them back or gave it to someone else instead.
Jazakallah khair once again and keep up your great work.

on December 8, 2004 7:39 PM
gillette said

speaking of commenting records...

http://www.hidayaonline.com/archives/000094.html
143 comments.

on December 8, 2004 7:47 PM
Talal said

Just to clarify for Sister Nadia,

Those comments were accidentally removed by me... accidentally... really... it's not that I felt I had throught of the answer first but didn't bother posting it... it was an accident.

on December 8, 2004 8:11 PM
sister said

Ameen wa iyyaki Sr Justjou :)

My suggestion for the story:

Fulfilling the Deen: A Journey..

on December 8, 2004 9:40 PM
Justoju said

AssalamuAlaikum,

To 'me' - hmm, I like your title suggestion. Can you please leave a name or something in case you win. I dont really think its healthy for her to marry someone named 'me' or 'oops'. JazakAllahu khair.

To Sr. sister - you are such a helpful sister mashAllah. Ya gotta a name/pseudonym?

To Sr. Nadia - It was on 'He Despaired' cuz you knew your shaitan sunnah. And dont worry, I have not yet figured out the mechanics of taking a dua 'back' so if you got it, you got it.

To Br. Talal - Its ok, everyone gets jealous sometimes and makes mistakes. Its ok if you deleted her comments in a fit of envy. Its human. We all forgive you.

Regarding Br. Gillette's article - I think its an embarrassment that an article on how to establish a haram relationship got more posts than one on how to do it the halaal way. If you all have even an ounce of Islam in you, you will post here until this article gains the record. I am saying this for the good of your akhirah.

on December 9, 2004 2:17 AM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

Just two more posts and you would have made one hundred insha Allah.

btw, the "You had me at Salaam" posted by 'me' was actually a joint Amani/Rami Elsawah effort which we though would never really be put into consideration. Anyway, does this mean a possible DUAL entry into the story?...do we still get 5 dua's each if chosen?...Why have you made us all so stinkin' excited about getting into a story?!?

Waslaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 9, 2004 3:20 AM
Justoju said

AssalamuAlaikum,

The Elsawah team seems to be taking the lead in terms of entries.

1. There CAN be joint/dual entries into the story.
2. The prizes will not need to be shared.
3. Because I am sadly a shameless player of nufoos.

on December 9, 2004 3:40 AM
asif said

Salaam:

Is this the 100th post for this article?

Anyways, Few things I wanted to say in regards to marriage:

1- Always have a healthy and open communications with your spouse, no matter whatever comes your way.
2- Always be respectful of your spouse-you may not agree with him/her all the time, but respect should remain.
3- Always try your best to make up with your spouse before sleeping (yes, even if it means that you have to be a lap dog)..hahahaha
4- Enjoy the quirks and subtle things of your spouse...thats part of what makes him/her unique.
5- If s/he is doing maseeyah make sure you dont ignore it, or be in a denial state. If you wont speak out and remind her or him, they would keep on doing it.
6- All families go thru financial crunch, be patience and supportive of your spouse.
7- Those couple who have kids, should realize that their main goal (as a family) is to rear-not good-but great muslims, Insha'Allah.
8- For your kids, provide the BEST education you can, even if it means you have to sacrifice other optional things.
9- Always, be respectful of your in-laws. Never say bad things about your spouse's immediate family.
10- And last of all but not the least, put some spice in your intimate life!

Okie doke...write to you guys later.

on December 9, 2004 3:11 PM
Talal said

"Searching for Muhammad ibn Al-BradPitt"


I got it:

" Tahaafut Al-'Arees "

:D

on December 10, 2004 2:45 AM
Justoju said

I dont think Huda is the Brad Pitt type and would most likely not give him or his descendants a second thought. If anyone makes another hollywood/bollywood actor reference in front of her she will vomit. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I am def. feeling the second suggestion...though I dont want this to become a wierd offshoot of the still unfinished Qital Talal drama series.

hey...wouldnt that be nifty...if Huda's story becomes a prelude to Qital Talal and she eventually becomes alAroos and goes on a killing rampage...you know, I would like to eventually take all the fiction stories on this site and connect them so as to make one big long confusing nonsense crazy story.

btw, when do we get to read the rest of Qital Talal?

on December 10, 2004 4:37 AM
asif said

Salaam:

Who is this annoying person who keeps on littering this comment section with frivilous and irritating comments?
It cant be one of the folks from ISRU, I dont think so.
Can the admin of this site somehow restrict and/or create a list of folks that can contribute? I know its not the best solution, but somehow someone is taking advantage of the care free attitude of all the folks who sincerely use this site for a genuine source of learning, discussion, and dialogue.

on December 10, 2004 3:09 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

lol

Those are just spam bots. They are not real people, just programs and all they do is surf the internet, find weblogs like this one and post advertisements on them. One particular bot was so malignant that we had to shut down Hidaya for a time.

However, inshallah, the admins continue to delete the comments as they come up and any of the associated addresses are I am sure being blocked as well.

on December 10, 2004 6:35 PM
Nisa (formerly know as Sr Sister) said

Sr Justjou, as per your request :)

'You had me at Salaam' - in my humble opinion, that's the best title so far.

on December 10, 2004 7:36 PM
Justoju said

Learning Arabic is made easy, and Online Arabic Institute is there to help
you.

Free Lessons for beginners:
-- http://www.online-arabic.com/free/

Ebooks for self-learners:
-- http://www.online-arabic.com/downloads.htm

Apply for online course (deadline Jan 7th 2005):
-- http://www.online-arabic.com/register.htm

Sincerely,
Online Arabic Institute, OAI

=============================
Online Arabic Institute, OAI
Http: http://www.online-arabic.com
Email: arabic@online-arabic.com

on December 11, 2004 3:36 PM
Justoju said

and I hope EVERYONE on the east coast is going to make an effort to come to this.

(yeah, I know it starts in 2 hours. Better late than never)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Rutgers community only needs to pay
$10-15 for tickets instead of the full rate. Please spread the word
immediately!

Come for a Night of Live Music and Live Comedy!!

Support the Radio Islam Project, a Sound Vision production!

WHY are we having a 'Rhythm of Islam' show?
- to provide a free quality on air radio program to 250 US cities
- to start a daily talk show on Radio
- to support web based RadioIslam.com

WHEN
Saturday Dec. 11, 2004
6:00 PM Sharp (this means exactly at 6, not 7 not 8, but SIX!)

WHERE
South Brunswick High School
750 Ridge Road
Monmouth Junction NJ 08852
Opposite to the ISCJ Route 1 Mosque

TICKET INFO
Adults $25, children 6-12: $15, Children under 6 must be in the baby
sitting room $5.

PROGRAM

Dinner:
It will be served FIRST!! If you come late, you'll be left hungry!! Don't
disappoint your stomach!

Entertainment:
Live songs by Dawud Wharnsby Ali from Canada
Live Comedy by Preacher Moss
Presentation about RadioIslam by Abdul Malik Mujahid, President
of Soundvision

Fundraising:
We need your support!!

WHERE TO GET TICKETS
Call 1-800-432-4262 to buy your ticket today.
Or Buy online: http://www.soundvision.com/Shop/pview.asp?Item=csvf-007

FLYER
http://www.iscj.org/docs/NJ.Radio.pdf

on December 11, 2004 4:06 PM
Nadia said

Ok, so my poetic skills have forced me to suggest a topic so I will do so without much ado.
"A pair of eyes searching for her Qurat-ul-Ain".
I thought of Qurat-ul-ain because of the Quranic verse recited in connection to marriage which i am sure most people know about.

If our sister's name was Haya, then it would have been perfect, "Haya searching for her Qurat-ul-Ain", since Haya's only and final destination is "eyes"; however, since our dear sister's name is Huda, so I decided not to integrate her name so that the topic can be applied to every sister and her quest for someone who can refresh her sight as well as Imaan.
Jazakallah khair Sr.Justoju!!!!!!! OH GUESS WHAT???
I just thought about something else!!!right after I typed ur name "Justoju". Oh my god, this is gonna be cool!!!!!
"The Justoju of a pair of eyes for her Qurat-ul-Ain" or "Huda's Justoju for her Qurat-ul-Ain"...

This is the perfect essay for integrating your alias which carries deep meanings!!! just a suggestion though, no pressure ;)
Anyways, salam
-Nadia

on December 11, 2004 10:30 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

Is Justoju an urdu word?

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 11, 2004 11:41 PM
Justoju said

AssalamuAlaikum,

Urdu is a combination of Arabic, Farsi, and Sanskrit. 'Justoju' is a feminine noun of farsi origin that means 'hopeful search/inquiry/curiosity'.

I actually read an interesting paper once by an anthropologist who said that Urdu is something that was introduced and pushed to the people by the British in order to separate them from the Muslim persians/arabs and their forces. They wanted to create a new cultural 'people' that no longer identified with the rest of the Muslim world. This would enable an easier rule and conquer.

We have a family tree that dates back to the time of the Prophet (May Allah bless him and give him peace) and the interesting thing about it is that the beginning part is in Arabic, the second part is in Farsi, and the last part is in Urdu. You can really see the migrations and cultural changes that happened through the generations by looking at a family's tree. Every migration carried with it a period of transition (that lasted a few generations) where the elders insisted that the younger generation hold on to the old culture/language/ways. It was a period of cultural struggle, and in the end, the younger generation always won. We are all in such a period of transition right now.

on December 12, 2004 1:48 AM
Justoju said

Nadia, great suggestions...just when I thought there were no new ways left to glorify myself... :)

on December 12, 2004 2:09 AM
ibtisam said

justojo is really urdu?
I thought it was a contraction of an english word or words? Justice Joe or something

on December 12, 2004 3:07 AM
Justoju said

lol...mashaAllah, you are pretty cute :)
Thanks for giving me a smile.

on December 12, 2004 3:15 AM
ZeeAZee said

Oh my god, I got one. How bout "A needle in the sea"?

on December 12, 2004 3:25 AM
Justoju said

sorry guys, that was my little 12 yr. old cousin trying to be cute.

Its amazing to me how my brand of humor is the most compatible with that of preteens.

on December 12, 2004 3:30 AM
Justoju said

The 'Islamic Marriage Assistance Program' is apparently having an event in NYC.

http://www.imaponline.org/ny_usa/

on December 13, 2004 1:13 AM
Amani said

LOL! Good ol'Usman, what every girl dreams of....in her nightmares. :P

on December 20, 2004 12:41 PM
Sr. StillLoling said

Sr. Justojo, masha Allah you've got quite the talent as a writer! As your disclaimer stated, I was really impressed with how accurate your representation of Huda was as an average striving Muslimah. The scenario was very real and the down-to-earth fasion in which you presented the story was easy to relate to.

You have still got me laughing about the Salinger reference, "Catch Her in the Rye-shta." That was witty of him!

Here's my whack at a title: Pure Intentions

Nice job, and I can't wait to read the rest.

on June 5, 2005 1:38 AM
Talal said

IN case you didn't notice.. the rest of the series is available by clicking on "Qalam's Crossing" on the left of the main page at hidayaonline.com

Just scroll down and you'll see part III

http://www.hidayaonline.com/archives/000233.html

followed by the Hanging on a Glance parts, and then the Tawakkul and Tea section.

we all await the continuation of Huda..

on June 6, 2005 2:55 AM
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