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December 20, 2004
The Man of Her Dreams…

by Sister Juhayna

At Age 14…(aka the dreamy, delusional age)

The guy I want to marry has to be rich and handsome, athletic, with nice bright colored eyes, very religious (but not extreme) and good. He has to be funny and caring and sensitive. He has to take me out and buy me nice gifts. We have to have similar interests and do things together. And of course he has to be ______ (insert country of origin), but born and raised here. He has to be my age or no more than 5 years older.

At Age 18…(more mature and starting to get a bit less shallow and more realistic)

The guy I marry just has to be someone nice. He doesn’t have to be rich, just financially stable. He doesn’t have to be the nicest looking guy, but at least average. It would be cool if he had green or blue eyes, but brown is ok. I hope we would go out or that he would give me gifts every now and then, but I don’t want to be picky. As long as he’s religious and we have some things in common, it’ll be good. But he DEFINITELY has to be raised here and preferably from _____ (insert country of preference) or at least from ____ (insert region).

At Age 22…(finish-ed/-ing college and still not married/engaged)

Ok, he has to be religious and at least have lived here since he was 5 or younger. A beard would be nice and I’d still like him to be from _____ (insert country of preference), but it’s ok if he’s not. He has to be no older than 30 and no more than a year younger than me.

At Age 25…(The big 2-5! You’re officially a quarter of a century OLD!)

He has to at least pray 5 times a day and have a green card. A goatee will do.

At Age 28…(Remember that biological clock thing)

Umm…male, Muslim and at least 5 years younger than my father.

At age 30…

He has to be potty trained.

Disclaimer: This is in NO WAY guy-bashing (well, maybe a little ;). Someone once told me a quote from a desi movie about how “you never marry the guy you always imagined in your head”. It’s good to strive for the best, but to have too high expectations (especially in areas pertaining to the dunya) can be counterproductive (this is a SATIRICAL situation of lowering one’s standards). Allah is the best of planners and He knows best. May He grant us all good spouses.


of and relating to...
haterade drinker said

very nice sister.

now someone please write the brothers' version.

on December 20, 2004 2:31 AM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,


At Age 14…(aka the dreamy, delusional age):

She's got to be supermodel HOT!

At Age 18…(more mature and starting to get a bit less shallow and more realistic):

She's got to be really HOT!

At Age 22…(finish-ed/-ing college and still not married/engaged):

She's got to be a really really HOT muslimah!

At Age 25…(The big 2-5! You’re officially a quarter of a century OLD!)

She's got to be a really really HOT muslimah hijabi! (Because she's gotta know her Deen)

At Age 28…(Remember that biological clock thing)

She's got to be a really really HOT muslimah Hijabi at least 5 years younger than me!

At age 30…

She She's got to be a really really HOT muslimah Hijabi at least 10 years younger than me and can potty train me!

At age 50…

She's got to be a really really HOT muslimah Hijabi at least 30 years younger than me and can potty train me and my other children!

At age 60:

She's got to be really really really HOT!

At Age 70:

Is she HOT?!...I can't see very well.

At age 99:

What?! Is she HOT?! Does she know hot to put the paste on my dentures?

At age 147:

Must....have....viagraaa.

Cannot...control...never...ending...lustful...desires.

-----
I'm just joking...or am I?

Yes, I am.

But am I really?

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 20, 2004 2:59 AM
Munazza said

rofl@ rami omG ssoooo true....
girls drop their standards
n guys just keep raising the bar *crying*

on December 20, 2004 3:02 AM
Humayun said

Asalamlaikom,

I cant fall asleeeep....

great article....

rami ur funny man.... jus hilarious

a wise person once said......... "Looks isnt everything.......gravity gets everybody"

on December 20, 2004 4:20 AM
Justoju said

hahhahaaha that was the funniest thing I have ever read on this site (and considering I am pretty full of myself that is quite the compliment)

You brother and sister should do standup together. Or at least have a joint column or something. Please come together for the sake of our amusement.

A guy once said to me a loooooong time ago (highschool) that you never know a person's REAL personality/nature until you live with them...so you should always marry for looks cuz at least then you can have 'something'. You dont wanna marry someone and realize that they lack both good nature AND looks.

The male specimen is quite amusing. I dont know how you guys walk around with your many weaknesses/notions and get through the day. A guy who can master his gaze is one who can without a doubt master the world...and the muslim ummah is still waiting for such a man :)

on December 20, 2004 5:02 AM
Justoju said

oh yeah, and we women are waiting for that man too.

There is something undeniably challenging and irresistably attractive about a man who doesnt notice you. Women with low confidence settle for any guy who will validate their looks, but women with higher confidence (who are accustomed to easily turning heads with looks/words) find these sunnah men to be extremely fascinating and intriguing.

So brothers, start playing hard to get from now on and you will have the beautiful women fighting to sign the nikkah papers. And dont worry, your looks dont matter (to confident women anyway). Just your gaze.

on December 20, 2004 5:09 AM
Justoju said

I was actually thinking something. Men are supposed to be at the peak of their lustful desires in their 20's. Women are supposed to be at their peak in their 40's. Also, they both have less insane requirements during those ages. So basically the most compatible marriage would be between a man in his 20's and a woman in her 40's. SubhanAllah.

on December 20, 2004 5:17 AM
Justoju said

Wouldnt it be awesome if our exams were on HidayaOnline content?

on December 20, 2004 5:18 AM
asif said

Salaam:

Sister Juhayna, Very Funny indeed (I was laughing my heart out), and Bro Rami, that was exactly what I wanted to write when I was reading this article. Cool Stuff!

You know I am probably the oldest one here on this site at age 32, I can say that my expectation are slightly different then lets say what they were about 5-7 years ago.

What hasn't changed for me, however, is that from the very young age I was interested in females who were not just good looking but also very smart.
And even now, if I have a potential companion who has super model looks/age but she is an airhead, then I wont be interested! The best would be to have them both in a person (beauty/intelligence) and obviously that she is a hijaabi, Insha'Allah.

Intelligence/Maturity was so important to me that I had even thought of marrying someone much older than me, but I knew thats not gonna happen due to my parents.

Now that I am over the hill (yes after 30 u are over the hill-heading downward) and divorced, my expectation has changed somewhat.
For instance, now I seek someone who is younger but smart "enough", someone who is between the age of 21-27 and has finished (or about to finish) her bachelors, preferably. I still would like to entertain the idea that someone who hasn't started college or never been to college cannot be on the same level as someone who has.

And Justoju, you are correct that girls-ladies like in a man that are shy in making eye contacts or lowering their gaze...hahahaha...that reminds me of my younger/teenage years...I was such a wimp!
But you know, even now and then, that young boy does come out in me under the right circumstances with the right person.

on December 20, 2004 7:40 AM
Imran said

Salaam

Your right Justoju, it really was an amusing article and Rami your response for the brothers was hillarious :) Havent laughed so much

You guys are therapeutic :) Keep up the good work

on December 20, 2004 12:10 PM
Amani said

LOL! So true!

Rami, well, I watched you as you typed it and well...very funny!

Sr. Juhayna, LOL. So true. I remember once being at a girly gathering and someone mentioning that our specifications limit our chances of findng that person. For example:

Given there are approx. 1.2 billion Muslims in the world...let's take 1/3 to be male (females out number males, yes?). So let's say 400 million. Out of that many, how many are single (assuming most women wont to be first and only wife here). We;ll assume half. How many are actually at marriage age. Then out of that many, let's check out how many:

-Live in the united states
-Have citizenship here I (big, very important one)
-Are doctors (or lawyer or whatever occupation fits one's fancy)
-Are of some specific decent
-Are at the age range of preference
-etc etc etc...

Is it any wonder why SOME women remain single (not speaking for all single women of course).

Anyway, happy hunting everyone! Remember to think of us when you write out those wedding invitations!

on December 20, 2004 12:56 PM
Justoju said

I dont know what you are talking about. I am single by choice. :)

on December 20, 2004 1:06 PM
gillette said

"Remember to think of us when you write out those wedding invitations!"

you want us to just "think" of you? inshallah, i'm going to have my ceremony broadcast on this website, if talal decides on keeping this website up that long.

if it does get uploaded to this website, I hope they don't take it down for exceeding the bandwidth limit.

on December 20, 2004 1:13 PM
asif said

Brother Gillette:

May Allah Bless you and your wife in this marriage, Ameen.
When is this auspicious occasion, Insha'Allah.

If you broadcast it on this website, I am sure to make sometime to join you in this festive occasion. So long as you are having it in US.

on December 20, 2004 1:20 PM
Justoju said

we wouldnt have to...like...uhh...give you a wedding gift after watching the telecast...would we?

Also I feel a clarification needs to be made about my statement regarding women being attracted to men who lower their gaze (since Br. Asif seems to have misunderstood).

The type of lowering of the gaze that I am talking about is not the type that happens due to shyness or wimpiness or lack of social skills. It is not dependent upon the type of person one is around. The type I am talking about is a conscious, deliberate lowering of ones gaze purely and simply for the sake of one's deen and as an attempt to protect one's heart from wanting the forbidden. It is the epitome of the strength of a man's willpower, faith, and self-control and is thus, highly attractive. It is attractive to diff. women for diff. reasons. To practicing women it is attractive because it signifies that he is committed more to following the commands of the Rabb than following the commands of his libido. To non-practicing women it is attractive because it poses a challenge. They cant help but wonder "hmm...I bet I could get him to look up if I..." Most muslim women are in between these two types. They appreciate a man's Islam, and yet, as the recipients of consistent male attention, they cant help but be fascinated by this man who wont notice that they exist.

SubhanAllah, the sunnah is a beautiful thing. It renders one attractive on all sorts of diff. levels to all sorts of diff. people. i

on December 20, 2004 1:33 PM
gillette said

"we wouldnt have to...like...uhh...give you a wedding gift after watching the telecast...would we?"

the many, many hits on hidaya suffice as gifts.

yes, i'm a hidaya-holic.

on December 20, 2004 1:35 PM
Justoju said

I think someone should write up a Hidaya quiz on hidaya literature trivia so that the writers can determine who from amongst them is the greatest hidaya-holic. It would have to be composed by an outside party.

on December 20, 2004 1:38 PM
asif said

well, i think it will have to be either gillette and/or justoju...if i take a first swag at it... a close second will be Rami and Ibtisam.

on December 20, 2004 1:44 PM
gillette said

1) what hijri month and year was HidayaOnline.com launched?

2) How many ISRU ameers have written for HidayaOnline.com?

3) who holds the record for the most comments posted in response to their work (a single work)?

4) name all the poems that have been posted on HidayaOnline.com.

5) what work was published in a newsletter in MN?

6) how many times has the word "divider" been used on this website (postings, not comments)?

7) which posting was originally published in MSA national's newsletter?

8) what postings were published twice on HidayaOnline.com (shows up twice)?

9) on the home page, under the "columns" section, whose name is misspelled?

10) what's seeker's real name?

e-mail me (hk2020@aol.com) or justoju (writing4hidaya@yahoo.com) with your answers by 11:59 PM, December 31st, 2004.

NOTE: any sisters who e-mail me with answers will be disqualified. any brothers who e-mail justoju will similarly be disqualified. justoju and i can't participate. by e-mailing your answers, you acknowledge your willingness to give us your shipping addresses strictly for purposes of mailing your book to you.

on December 20, 2004 2:17 PM
asif said

Salaam:

I think we can all split hairs about marriage and personal choices about our potential partners but the bottom lines comes down to few main pointers.

1- Both spouse should be potential catalyst (for each other) of becoming more God-Fearing, Insha'Allah.
2- Have little ones (if Allah bestows them to you) and put them as priority/investemnt #1.
3- Give your spouse the love, respect, support that is due according to Quran and Sunnah.

A spouse background was never an issue according to Sunnah of RasulAllah (sal-lal-la-hu-wa-sal-lam), and neither was age, and or financial credentials.

We have made our life more westernized more materialistic that we care this and that...no one looks at the bottom line....Unfortunately, I am part of this lot who think as such.

on December 20, 2004 2:25 PM
Justoju said

Ok, see, maybe I wasnt clear. The reason I said "It would have to be composed by an outside party." was because I wanted to compete!

Man, and here I thought all those hours of reading and re-reading all those old articles/posts would finally be put to productive use and would be justified. Now I have to go back to being a loser co-editer who doesnt have a life. You all cant see it right now but I am sulking.

Amani, come up with a quiz for me and just for me. Then I can win and feel cool.

on December 20, 2004 3:04 PM
Belal said

you ppl are mad funny...

on December 20, 2004 7:17 PM
Saima said

Amani... come visit me :)

i miss u.

on December 20, 2004 10:55 PM
Amani said

Justoju: Hmm, I don't know how well I'd be able to come up with questions about Hidaya, but I'll try. Here's some for now:
1) How many articles have I written on Hidaya? (clue is in question 2)
2) What was IT about?
3) Who is my brother who writes on Hidaya?
4) Is he older or younger?
5) Where was I born?

That should be enough for now, ha ha! :P

Saima (everyone else need not bother ;): I miss u too, buddy. It's funny 'cause your name came up a few times these past days (when discussing various things with my bro) about some of our talks and stuff. Lemme know when I can visit and I'll come! :)

on December 20, 2004 11:27 PM
Albalqa said

1) 8
2) Marriage
3) Gellite
4) Older
5) America

on December 20, 2004 11:45 PM
asif said

Salaam:

I have an urgent request!

Is there a Shiekh or Skeikah available online (via email) that can interpret dreams?

Thanks

on December 20, 2004 11:46 PM
asif said

Gillette is older brother of Amani...How could that be?

She sounds a non-desi, while he sounds like a Complete Desi!

I guess I am wrong.

on December 20, 2004 11:48 PM
outsider said

this quiz is just for justoju, we have the other one.
some of those answers are wrong btw, but i can't say which ones 'till Justoju gets a shot at them :)

on December 20, 2004 11:52 PM
gillette said

i'm an older brother to no sisters and two others.

on December 20, 2004 11:54 PM
Amani said

Actually, Brother gillette is my brother, but only in Islam. :)

And I sound non-desi because I am non-desi (although some would dispute that). Me misr ki hoon (actually, my parents are).

on December 20, 2004 11:58 PM
asif said

hahahaha...Amani...

So u are a Misreeyaah...I have a question for you; do u like Mulkhieeya?

on December 21, 2004 12:03 AM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

Asif,

You can try buying this book by Bilal Phillips ($7.16)
http://store.yahoo.com/islamicbookstore-com/b2282.html

I personally have not read it but I know the reason for him writing this book was because there are so many people (Sheikhs or non-Sheikhs) who base their dreams interpretation by sources other than Qu'ran and Sunna. Some are mere traditions and superstitions that are made out to look like it came from the Sunna. I think (in my humble opinion...because i'm not an expert on this) that this would be a fairly safe way of interpreting your dream.

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 21, 2004 1:01 AM
Ibtisam said

Br. Asif
my mother is like a Sheikha
and she is ma shaa Allaah
gifted with interpreting dreams
I can email you her email address
and you may ask her
and inshaa Allaah she will intrepret it and according to Qur'aan and sunnah. Alot of sisters and brother ask her. She gives halaqah and stuff and she is also a marriage/community counselor based on Qur'aan n Sunnah so if anyone needs anything. just email me at beliefintaqdeer@hotmail.com

on December 21, 2004 1:02 AM
ibtisam said

I have that book at home. My mother has also used taht book.

on December 21, 2004 1:04 AM
asif said

Salaam Ibtisaam:

I have sent you an email...please reply at your earliest convenience...JazakAllah Khair

on December 21, 2004 1:15 AM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

Humor aside, it really is a problem that people are marrying just for looks. Guys have to keep their gazes down. I speak from firsthand experience. There will definitely find a change in your life and satisfaction when you are not constantly peaking the levels of hormones in your body from the endless visual and mental stimulation that we have in our environment (be it Muslimah or non-Muslimah...in the media or in real life).

And some other advice, quoting from "Lord of the Wu-dang". A mother teachers her child: "Never trust a pretty woman...for the more beautiful she is, the better she lies."

It doesn't nescessarily have to be about lying, but you usually can't have your cake and eat it too. No-one is perfect(except Khadija, Asiya, Marium and Fatimah radia Allahu anhun), and there has to be an equillibrium. So if her looks are through the roof her other qualities have got to be lacking. That applies to men also. So the women should also think carefully when marrying for looks or for security.

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 21, 2004 1:19 AM
Justoju said

I agree with you that looks should be taken with a grain of salt, but I disagree that a woman will have more personal weaknesses if she is beautiful.

The religious from amongst the people (beautiful or not) generally turn out ok. I am personally and consistently amazed by how beautiful our ummah is, mashaAllah. I think I have seen enough cases of both deen and looks to believe that we really have been blessed holistically. The problem is that most people try to define 'looks' and measure them using an MTV/GQ/Cosmo scale. The problems in that are obvious and I dont need to go into it.

The beautiful and the unbeautiful (if there is such a thing) have their own different tests of character and their own struggles with nafs. They each have to battle their demons. Its an equal struggle for both, just in a different way.

Personally, if I were a guy looking for a muslimah wife, I would try my utmost to make sure she wasnt insecure and was content with her body image (whether I saw her as beautiful or unbeautiful). As a female, I have been able to see first hand the truckload of weaknesses and annoying habits that arise out of a woman's insecurity. An insecure person's way of looking at, percieving, and 'taking' things is very problematic in many ways...Its just as bad as her being arrogant. Both cause immense problems and headaches for a husband. Same thing goes for a wife with an insecure husband.

Insecurities open the door to every kind of vice and sin. A quality of a true muslim is that they not have any insecurity before creation, but have EVERY insecurity before Allah, Glorious and Exalted. We shouldnt be arrogant, but we SHOULD be at peace. Men and women need to come to terms with what they have been given and be thankful for it

on December 21, 2004 1:58 AM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

If I said that beautiful women couldn't be great Muslimas I would certainly be wrong. Just look at the women I mentioned above.

But when people fall in love for looks, they BELIEVE that everything about her is perfect. I know this, teust me. Her Self-esteem, her charcter, her deen is all perfect. It is the glitter put on by the glamour. Beautiful women who are very modest would not have this instant effect on men.

Many men cannot distinguish their minds from their pants. I have noticed in my endless observations that people have a hard time distinguishing real beauty from 'apparent looks'. What do I mean by this?

(This is going to be really long, but good insha Allah)

Come to College Ave in the wintertime....just about now...and rate the people (at least their looks). I am almost certain you will find some attractive people but all in all, not too many.

Now come in the summertime. You will find beautiful people everywhere. All of a sudden the same exact people who roamed the campus six months ago went from being a 6 on the GAGA! scale to a 9.5. Why?

Because of the dress. Men cannot distinguish the showing of flesh from the beauty of a woman. If you were to take ten women all of about the same looks and lined them up; Five of them with belly shirts and breasts oozing out, with low-cut jeans they had to put on with vaseline. The other five in plain clothes (perhaps loose fitting jeans, a casual shirt, and hair let down plainly...no fanciness). I wouldn't doubt for a second if you told the men to rate the women on BEAUTY alone they would choose the hussies.

I am absolutely sure about this.

So when I talk about looks I am not talking in the normal sense about how beautiful one REALLY is (which in my opinion would be how she looks if she just got up in the morning -- no makeup, no hairdo-- no fancy clothes)...I am talking about it's PERCEPTION.

It only comes with lots of mental training that a guy can be able to distinguish his heart from his brain from his pants. I personally do not give a second look to pretty hijabis nor get all heart-throbbed when seeing one. Why?

Because you cannot tell ANYTHING from a girl by just seeing her.

So people walk out of the ISRU meetings glance at the pretty girl with the veil on, put two and two together, and come up with beauty + deen.

Like I said before...the mistake is in man's perception of beauty, which has alot to do with modesty.

Therefore I stick to my original theory but with some minor changes.

If a girl is off the charts beautiful she must have other things lacking, UNLESS you can UNDERSTAND what it is that makes her beautiful, OR if other peope who know her well tell you that she is a masha Allah very good muslimah who loves her deen and at the same time is very good looking. At which point you can feel free email me at the adress above ;)

So I'm not saying that beautiful girls are not pious...absolutely not. I'm saying that looks are decieving.

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu


P.S. "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" was a ridiculous hollywood copy of "Lord of the Wu-Dong".

P.P.S. "Lord of the Wu-Dong" doesn;t have an hour long love scene like the other movie to bore you to death.

on December 21, 2004 3:05 AM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

Dare I conjecture....

Many men have a problem distinguishing real beauty from 'apparant beauty'

Am I right when I say that many women's biggest problem is being able to see the true charachter of a man?

Not all...just the majority?

if so,

How can we change these situations? Would an article help? Did any brothers benefit from the comments I just wrote above (think about it real hard guys)? Would sisters benefit from an article or a number of articles on the that issue or on the issue of self-esteem/insecurity?

This might be a good way to make change insha Allah.

Everyone ponder on these please insha Allah.

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakau

on December 21, 2004 3:25 AM
Justoju said

actually, the self-esteem/insecurity issue is the exact reason why I decided to write the Huda series...

on December 21, 2004 3:29 AM
Amani said

Wow, I can't even begin to respond about everything that was just said...it would take an article sized comment to say it all.

on December 21, 2004 6:39 AM
Justoju said

That never stopped me :)

on December 21, 2004 7:09 AM
Justoju said

Amani, shall we share our email exchange on this topic with Hidaya? We could post it up as an article.

on December 21, 2004 7:10 AM
Talal said

In the midst of a lull between weddings, I find time to Hidaya.. yay for me.

Just wanted to say that
This Ummmah, subhaanAllah wa mashaaAllah, IS blessed with beauty. Honestly, go to any Muslim country, and you'll realize, without the need of ever staring or constant idle glancing, that the average sense of beauty is far above "normal". Forget Santa's "Ho, ho, ho"s, mashaAllah EVERYONE looks hot as can be.

The problem, however, lies in this whole "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder" mentality that has dominated everyone's mindset. I think it would be awesome if someone wrote on just this topic, lambasting it forever. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has made all things beautiful, you don't need to flaunt what yout got, and hear a whistle to realize that you've been imbued with it.

It's insane how much people care for the "recognition" of the opposite sex in so much of what they do.

Brothers in America... count yourselves blessed many times over :)
The ratio of Muslimah to the "I M Whoa-man, hear me roar"-types is saddening to say the least (this being the truth of the homeland of Islam and other surrounding areas; 'istan's and such).

Hey... there goes a walking chuss pajama... gotta go.

on December 21, 2004 9:58 AM
asif said

Salaam everyone:

Some heavy weight comments about beauty and the perception of beauty have been posted as of late. I would like to throw my words in there as well;

1- Men are PIGS & DOGS!...lets start with that. This fact is true in almost all culture and among the male members of all religion.
We men (generally speaking) are flesh eaters and we crave for skin and so on.
Allah has wired our brains as such and that is why the emphasis is on lowering your gaze and doing hijaab (for men). Moreover, guarding what is in your pants against haraam behavior also leads to salvation. So thats the fact of the matter, if you ask me. Allah made us (men) in a certain way and expects to test His servants to not follow their RAW desires but rather substitute it with Halaal actions. So what Rami alluded in his comment about winter & summer parade of students is valid because when men see revealing skin their mind gets in the forbidden zone. There is no two ways about it.

2- What is beauty...this is actually a tough one, a very tough one indeed!
The way I see it is that the beauty of an individual cannot be exclusive from their actions or behaviors. Meaning, if a person adheres to Islaam and is a God fearing Man/Woman with all distractions and temptations around, that to me is beauty...Similalrly, a pretty looking lassy will seem repulsive to me if they are doing abhorant and haraam act. Now some will say, that I am mixing personal beauty with the beauty of actions...Well yes, that is exactly my point in that as humans we cannot be called "beautiful" unless all that defines us and manifests from each one of us is pure and halal. Thats the core of it really. A quick example, I was in frankfurt not more than 2-3 weeks ago and among the burstling shops with beeming shoppers and pretty looking folks all around, I think I saw the most beautiful creature amongst all of us. Subhan'Allah! I saw this young hijaabi who was standing next to a pole waiting for her family members to join her while keeping her eye low and steady. She was calm and serene...to the average person she may have been an anamoly amongst all the hustle and bustle. But what a beautiful creation of Allah she was; She made me realize that Islaam is beautiful, the Sunnah of RasulAllah (sal-lal-la-hu-wa-sal-lam) is beautiful and those that adhere to Islam are beautiful..May Allah Bless her and her family in this life and in the hereafter..Ameen

3- Beauty as in Love (in its pure form) should encompass all that is around it and should remain and sustain. Anything that is temporal, seasonal, or likely to vanish very soon is not a beautiful thing but a mirage! Infatuation, puppy-love and similar feelings only provide instant gratification and pleasure. Beauty on the other hand endures and nourishes, under all circumstances, what is halaal and right & what is clean and pure!

Okie doke I am out for now...keep the ideas flowing.

on December 21, 2004 11:59 AM
Justoju said

Beauty? What you and I believe it to be is an illusion, an accident of your senses. Beauty is not something that can change depending upon the beholder. Beauty is absolute. Allah is both Beauty and The Beautiful. He is the only source of it. You want to see beauty on this earth? You will only find it in those people whose hearts reflect the Beauty that is His. Nowhere else. In nothing else. Everything else is a mockery of the name. We never truly appreciate His Beauty until we have cast aside our plastic, transient, cheap understanidng of it. The duniya is like an artificial flower. You can never appreciate the real thing until you have stopped making the artificial your ideal.

--highly abridged version of my thoughts on beauty.

on December 21, 2004 1:37 PM
asif said

Well said Justoju...well said...that was concise and exact!

on December 21, 2004 1:48 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

Assalam-o-alaikom.

I donot wish to detract from the current conversation but I will be flying for Pakistan tomorrow. I ask everyone to keep me and my family in their prayers and pray for our safe journey and return.

I will be in Pakistan from Dec 22 to Jan 07 so inshallah I will resume my regular writing after that.

Walaiakomassalam

on December 21, 2004 2:27 PM
Justoju said

Only two weeks? That is sooo not enough for Pakistan. You wont even feel it.

Anyway, you and your family are in our duas. Have a safe and islamically beneficial trip.

Best of luck finding yourself those multiple wives that you want.

:)

on December 21, 2004 3:06 PM
asif said

Salaam Faisal:

Khair nal Jah tey khair nal Aah!
God Speed!
Allah ma'ak!

And Yes you can atleast find one wife in 2 weeks. Also make sure you dont drive there, just to be safe. They drive on the wrong side...atleast I cant drive there anymore!

on December 21, 2004 3:15 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

"You want to see beauty on this earth? You will only find it in those people whose hearts reflect the Beauty that is His. Nowhere else. In nothing else."

This reminded me of Yusuf Ali's comments on the story of Yusuf (aleyhi Salaam), The fourth comment:

"Eloquence consists in conveying by a word or a hint many meanings for those who can understand and wish to learn wisdom. Not only is Joseph's story "beautiful"in that sense, Joseph himself was renowned for manly beauty; the women of Egypt, called him a noble angel, and the beauty of his exterior form was a symbol of the beauty of his soul."

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 21, 2004 4:24 PM
Ibtisam said

May your trip be beneficial, please make dua' for my exams in the trip.
three weeks is all I had and I got married there too.

Anyways, just as an announcement, if I fail my GI exam, I am NEVER in shaa Allaah coming on hidayah again.
I cannot believe I knew the right answers but put the wrong ones down instead subhanallaah. I feel so bad, Praziquantal has ca2+ mediated action on flatworms
and Ivermectin has GABA mediated action on strongoloides, why did I change my answers!?

on December 21, 2004 4:44 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

Resistance is futile.

But at least you didnt put your name as Sister Ibtisam on the exam, didn't you?

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 21, 2004 4:49 PM
Justoju said

Sr. Ibtisam, I'll keep you in my prayers but you really need to start thinking of this in a more positive light. Think of it this way, if you fail you will have more time for Hidaya.

on December 21, 2004 5:05 PM
juhayna said

hello everyone,

I am glad you enjoyed my article(s) and hope to write more humour, inshaAllah.

I do not comment much because I would like to stay hidden and just lurk. But, I try to read all the comments and articles and enjoy them a lot. MashaAllah, good job to everyone who writes.

on December 21, 2004 5:26 PM
Ibtisam said

Sad to say, I was one of the people that gave importance to beauty too much and my interpretation of beauty. Guys that other women would find handsome, I would be like.. nah... could be better. My friends complained( a couple of them), Ibtisam you go for waaay too handsome guys or your standard is set way too high.

But I am glad I did not fall into my own trap by my thinking. My mom says that for a husband you should look at his character and personality, mannerisms.
For a woman as well but looking for beauty is also okay.
Br. Rami, you said that if a girl is beautiful she must be lacking in other things, 99% it is true but I believe not my best friends, they are not lacking in ikhlaaq, intelligence, wisdom, etc.
One of them has it all ma shaa Allaah and her husband is the luckiest person on earth.

I use to think that by chance all my best friends are absolutely beautiful, yet I never picked them as best friends because of their looks it was because we understood each other respected each other, had a good time with each other. Then I was thinking why not about a husband the same way. Subhanallaah!

I think I am gonna write my next article as "About a Husband" dont steal the title and for Br. Asif, this will not be so sad
but brother you are 32,
we have to teach these children on hidayah that reality is such, it is not happy-go-lucky like Huda and her friends or Uqbah and his wife think,
LOL!

Aside humor

Age 14: didnt want to get married
Age 17: marry a blue eyed/blond
Age 19: //////blue eyed/blond salafee mujahid
Age 20: //////salafee mujahid
Age 21:////// mujahid
Age 22: alhamdulillaah!

on December 21, 2004 5:33 PM
Amani said

Sr. Ibtisam: I feel that beauty comes from knowing the person. As previously mentioned, it is a reflection of the person's inner beauty.

A true to life example: A person who is by many people's standards defined as "beautiful" or "handsome" may begin to look less and less so when you learn (s)he is a very nasty person with a horrible personality. Likewise, someone who is average looking and does not catch your eye may look more and more attractive the more you get to know them and see the beauty of their personality.

on December 21, 2004 6:39 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahamatullah Wabarakatu,

The most beautiful ones are the most recognizable because the have a Nur(light) about them...that I believe you really can see radiating from the.

Like I magine our Mother Sayyida Khadija had on her, that made the Propher Muhammed fall in love with her even more and more even after she was gone.

And the prophet Yusuf (Aleyhi Salaam) who was so innocent...and that innocence brought a beauty that only magnified his beauty.

These people you will never find lacking in the deen.

These are the mu'mineen of our Ummah who only deserve the Mu'mineen of our Ummah. These are the people you wish you were and strive to become like. These are the people you look at with awe.

btw, I have been told by many non-muslims (men & women) that Muslim women are so beautiful. My one friend even told me 'I know...that's why you cover them up...you want to keep them all for yourselves'

But I want that beauty that radiates at me and that I can't turn away. That Nur that strikes peace into your heart, makes you remember Allah, and that brings a love that Sayyidna Muhammed (peace and blessings be upon him) had for Sayidda Khadija (radia Allahu anha) and that will bind them in this life and the afterlife, in thoughts and in reality, in spirit and in heart insha Allah.

Think of how Aisha could be so jealous of one who does bnot walk the Earth anymore.

Wasalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on December 21, 2004 7:30 PM
Justoju said

"But I want that beauty that radiates at me and that I can't turn away. That Nur that strikes peace into your heart, makes you remember Allah, and that brings a love that Sayyidna Muhammed (peace and blessings be upon him) had for Sayidda Khadija (radia Allahu anha) and that will bind them in this life and the afterlife, in thoughts and in reality, in spirit and in heart insha Allah."

Exactly. I think I am having that inscribed on my wedding cards. Thanks.

on December 21, 2004 7:38 PM
JustCorny said

Sis Juhayna...of course you like to lurk...cuz you are a LURKI!

HAHAHAAHHAHA

I crack myself up.

(Sorry, I couldnt help myself. It was right there. I had to go for it.)

on December 21, 2004 7:40 PM
gillette said

"Sis Juhayna...of course you like to lurk...cuz you are a LURKI!"

oh god. Justoju, please give me permission to take that down.

on December 21, 2004 8:00 PM
JustCorny&ObnoxiouslyAnnoying said

What? You dont think its funny? It must be because you probably dont get it. Yeah, that has to be it. There is no other reason why you wouldnt find that hilarious.

I will try to explain this step by step.
You see, sister Juhayna said she liked to "lurk", as in the english verb.
But then I, in my classicly witty fashion, instantly caught that a connection could be made to the Urdu noun "larki" which means "girl". And, as many of you know, Sis. Juhayna is, in fact, a girl. And she likes to lurk. I realized that my realization was genius and that I had to share it so as to brighten the lives of the readers.

I am sure now that you understand it you are all laughing hysterically.

on December 21, 2004 8:12 PM
gillette said

see, that wouldn't work. i'd see it and, considering the way you derived it, it would just be "lurk" with an -ee at the end, not "lark" with an -ee at the end.

on December 21, 2004 8:16 PM
JustCorny&ObnoxiouslyAnnoying said

There you go confusing yourself, there was no "-ee" involved. It was only an additional "i" that was added to the end. Though you could use "ee" instead of "i", I didnt use that in the original joke. We are dealing with "i" and not "ee". Not "ee", but "i". Dont complicate it. You will get more confused.

And I understand that that the spelling of the urdu noun for "girl" may be a stumbling block for many people who were not able to race over the connection bridges at lightning speed like myself. You see, the urdu noun that means "girl" may be written as both "larki" and "lurki" BUT it is pronounced ONLY as "lurki". If you say it with an urdu accent you will see that it is, indeed, pronounced as "lurki". If you remove the "i" from the end, you will find that it is pronounced like the english verb "lurk".

And I know you must be wondering why you are laughing so hysterically at a joke that is a few comments old already. It is because it is indeed that funny.

on December 21, 2004 8:27 PM
asif said

Salaam....Are you guys done with your exams???
Insha'Allah.

and sister Ibtisaam...forget about what happenend in the exams..the "whys" and "ifs" and the lamenting are nothing but suggestions from the Accursed one...Aoudou-billahi Minash-shaitaan Nir-Rajeem!

One exam does not define your capability nor your limitations..Insha'Allah, you will be successful when all is said and done.

on December 21, 2004 8:39 PM
gillette said

"And I understand that that the spelling of the urdu noun for 'girl' may be a stumbling block for many people who were not able to race over the connection bridges at lightning speed like myself. You see, the urdu noun that means "girl" may be written as both 'larki' and 'lurki' BUT it is pronounced ONLY as 'lurki'. If you say it with an urdu accent you will see that it is, indeed, pronounced as 'lurki'. If you remove the 'i' from the end, you will find that it is pronounced like the english verb 'lurk'."

what riwaayah are YOU speaking urdu in?

My hyderabadi/ABCD-version of urdu differs much with your version.

(someone please acknowledge that the quotation marx have been changed to be grammatically correct - i just spent a lot of time changing them around)

on December 21, 2004 8:46 PM
asif said

Brother Gillette:

Who really cares, this "lurki" and "larki" business...everything gets mushed up when you transliterate an urdu word to english...its a moot point.

Anyways, my question remains are you guys from Rutgers done with your exams? Insha'Allah.

And yes tonight I will be posting the interview article...who do I send to have it posted here?

on December 21, 2004 8:52 PM
JustCorny&ObnoxiouslyEthnocentric said

Karachi, originally Lucknow (pre-partition).

I grew up around nj hydros...and there are differences in the dialect...but they sure dont pronounce it 'larki' (though everyone might spell it like that).

Examples:
"Unhay lurki hona"
"hao, achi lurki hai"
"lurki nai kkkhhheema banaaya"
"Nakko. Nai hona. Lurki kai waaladain kaha hai?"

you should prolly call up your mother right now and ask her whether the urdu noun for 'girl' is pronounced like the english verb 'lurk' or the english noun 'lark'. Have her say it a couple times while you examine the sound. Its basically the difference between:

placing an alif in between the laam and the raa (lark),

and

placing a fatha on the laam and going straight to the raa (lurki).

And thank you for being more obsessive compulsive than me and taking the time to change the double quotation marks to single ones.

--------------------------------
Br. Asif, send it to Br. Gillette. Do a spell/grammar check before you do.

on December 21, 2004 9:04 PM
JustCorny&ObnoxiouslyAnnoying said

I hope you dont think the 'u' in 'lurki' is pronounced like the 'u' in 'lurak' (the urdu verb for rolling/falling over)...because they are very very different.

I just got off the phone with my best friend Arshia who is Hydro and just came back from having finished her med school in the Deccan. She agrees that it is pronounced more like the english verb 'lurk' than the english noun 'lark'.

on December 21, 2004 9:14 PM
ibtisam said

Just corny, you wouldnt happen to be Justoju will you. She is totally into urdu language.

on December 21, 2004 9:24 PM
gillette said

english is quite limited. i didn't pronounce "lark" like the english "lark."

on December 21, 2004 9:33 PM
Justoju said

Oh. Ok, then we have been saying the same thing then.

On the upside, this piece now has 71 comments.

Sis. Ibtisam- Yeah, I wasnt trying to get people to think I was someone else :)...if I wanted to do that I would have changed the email and made the name something less familiar.

on December 21, 2004 9:37 PM
ibtisam said

dudette, I actually that you were somebody else, because I did not see the email, I just wanted to get you annoyed that is why I made the reference, after all i was right, who else would have that type of humor, LOL!

on December 21, 2004 9:58 PM
Ibtisam said

My best friends in the whole wide world are from Lucknow,Hyderabad, Karachi, Italy

on December 21, 2004 10:01 PM
Justoju said

Now if only we could find some Italian to post on Hidaya, Hidaya would be your best friend.

on December 21, 2004 10:04 PM
Ibby the cool said

NEVER! MUST GET RID OF ADDICTION OF HIDAYA
AAAH!

on December 21, 2004 10:07 PM
plz make Dua 4 me said

as salaamu alaikum

wow masha Allah i am totally grateful to Allah that He made me come across this article and some truly insightful comments!

Lately, I've been pondering on EXACTLY this issue.Just thought I'd share some of my thoughts ( as it appears in my head!):
What makes a Muslim woman beautiful? If beauty really meant alot, why is it that Allah created some people extremely pretty and some just 'plain janes' and some not very attractive.Isn't it Allah that is the Fashioner of Shapes? How can we DARE think that it's unfair that Allah created some people attractive and others not? In my humble opinion - EVERYTHING we have is from Allah - Beauty included! HE, in his INFINITE Knowledge knows why he fashioned us the way we are - and it is a test from Allah - the test for a person with beauty is not to be vain and to realize that this beauty isnt what's gonna take a person to Jannah - it's foolish to think tat beauty lasts forever.BEauty will fade but the character remains the same.If we think about it, what about all the drop dead gorgeous supermodels and superstars - no1 can deny that they have outer beauty- but in actual fact , unless they have Imaan, that beauty is nothing.It will not help them. It is deceptive and that is the test for a person with beauty - DON'T BE DECEIVED! We women are actually a fitnah in this world! Let's not be deceived and let's not deceive!

Obviously, a person not blessed with attractiveness in this world goes through the same test, but from a different angle.Realizing that beauty is a deception , so cultivate the inner beauty coz in Jannah in the everlasting abode we will all have our beauty there insha Allah.This world is transient.

As previously mentioned, there's no doubt that 2day most of us judge beauty by the artificial standards of the West. May Allah forgive us and grant us the true reality of Beauty. Allah doesn't judge us by our beauty but our 'Amal and our true worth...WE can be the brick that's part of a Musjid or the brick that's part of the loo...at the end of the day we'd still be bricks...we're all human beings - we can work towards positively improving ourself,our deen, our life and ahlaaq for the Pleasure of Allah...or we can continue to blindly follow the dictates of our Nafs and desires as well as the standards of the West - in that case we would be no better than the brick in the loo.

Anyway sorry for the long comment but Alhumdulillah I'm glad I could share my thoughts on this topic and please keep the insightful comments on this topic of ' Beauty ' coming in...Alhumdulillah the comments thus far has helped me place my own issues in perspective.

jazakAllah
Was salaam

on December 22, 2004 1:29 PM
Justoju said

"WE can be the brick that's part of a Musjid or the brick that's part of the loo..."

MashaAllah, beautiful.
I dont care who you are, why dont you write for Hidaya? :)

on December 22, 2004 1:35 PM
plz make Dua 4 me said

Justoju : :) insha Allah i'll think about it : ) plz remember me in ur duas

on December 22, 2004 1:52 PM
asif said

Salaam (plz make Dua 4 me):

Do you have any specific Dua you want us to pray for you, like exams or finding a job, or a potential spouse, or something else?

Or Dua for general well being? Insha'Allah!

on December 22, 2004 7:36 PM
plz makke Dua 4 me said

was salaam

asif: Dua that Allah fulfills my lawful desires and aspirations, and keeps me on the the straight path : )

on December 23, 2004 12:10 PM
asif said

Insha'Allah...I will make special prayer for you...And May Allah shower you with HIS Mercy and Maghfirah and give you Hidaya so that you can cherish the lawful Nai'mah and Blessings that you seek in this life and in the hereafter...Ameen

on December 23, 2004 12:20 PM
tabz said

Asalaam u alaikum

Wow.... that was definitely very funny.... and Masha Allah truly impactful (if thats a word) ....

this is my first or maybe second time on hidaya... but i know im going to be coming back a lot..... the comments posted really got me thinkIng... until the whole "lurki"/"larki" thing started... haha ... that was definitely too funny....... any wayy just saying good job guys... this is good stufff.... keep it up.... and i wish i coud comment on all the comments but i cant.... except for justoju... bc i really liked this definition of beauty:

Beauty? What you and I believe it to be is an illusion, an accident of your senses. Beauty is not something that can change depending upon the beholder. Beauty is absolute. Allah is both Beauty and The Beautiful. He is the only source of it. You want to see beauty on this earth? You will only find it in those people whose hearts reflect the Beauty that is His. Nowhere else. In nothing else. Everything else is a mockery of the name. We never truly appreciate His Beauty until we have cast aside our plastic, transient, cheap understanidng of it. The duniya is like an artificial flower. You can never appreciate the real thing until you have stopped making the artificial your ideal.


very nice Masha Allah.... deep stuff

wasalaamualaikum

on December 26, 2004 11:46 PM
Justoju said

Sr. Tabz, welcome to Hidaya.

Make yourself comfortable cuz you aint goin no where :).

...I think I used to have a family. I wonder how they are doing...

on December 27, 2004 12:01 AM
samaaya said

salaams every1....my names samaaya.im 20 years old from london.errr i dunno any1s name here but i was just whizing thru this site n mashallah its lovely.i loved reading all ur comments especially about beauty,iam a uni student.im in my final year so plzzzzzzzz every1 make dua 4 me that i graduate well! ive had a project 4rm uni to do a magazine article on beauty & i happened to promote the hijaab & the islamic idea of beauty.ive also been wearing a hijaab 4 5years now.i jus wantd to add that muslim women are just like concealed roses.if you touch or even look at a rose too much it loses its lustre & beauty.a rose wilts when you touch it too much & dies.our muslim women are exactly that- beautiful concealed roses! anyways hope to keep in touch now cos i think your site is really good.w/salaams.

on January 8, 2005 7:49 PM
Farzana Gill said

do you provide councilling ?

on January 10, 2005 5:01 AM
Justoju said

AssalamuAlaikum sr. Farzana,

Who was your question directed to? Maybe it would be best to try emailing them?

WasalaamuAlaikum

on January 10, 2005 8:25 AM
gillette said

The full article follows, but there's one part that I wanted to highlight:

As regards the wife, then her status and her effect in making the soul tranquil and serene has been clearly shown in the noble aayah (statement of Allaah), in His – the Exalted – saying:

"And from His signs is this: That He created for you wives amongst yourselves, so that you may find seren[i]ty and tranquility in them. And He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in this are signs for those who reflect." [Sooratur Room (30):21]

Al-Haafidh Ibn Katheer (d.774H) – rahimahullaah – said whilst explaining the terms muwaddah and rahmah which occur in the above aayah:

"Al-muwaddah means love and affection and ar-rahmah means compassion and pity – since a man takes a woman either due to his love for her, or because of compassion and pity for her; by giving to her a child from himself…" [4]

And the unique stance that the Prophet’s (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) wife Khadeejah – radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa – took, had a huge effect in calming and reassuring the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), when the angel Jibreel (‘alayhis-salaam) first came to the cave of Hiraa. So the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) returned to Khadeejah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa) with the first Revelation and with his heart beating and trembling severely, and he said to her:

"Cover me! Cover me!"

So she covered him until his fear was over, after which he told Khadeejah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa) everything that happened and said:

"I fear that something may happen to me."

So she said to him:

"Never! By Allaah! Allaah will never disgrace you. You keep good ties with the relations, you help the poor and the destitute, you serve your guests generously and assist those who have been afflicted with calamities." [5]

on January 10, 2005 8:39 AM
gillette said

The Muslim Woman: Her Status In The Ummah
Author: Imaam ‘Abdul-‘Azeez Ibn Baaz [1]

Source: Majmoo’ul Fataawaa wa Maqaalaatil Mutanawwi`ah (3/348-350)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The status of the Muslim woman in Islaam is a very noble and lofty one, and her effect is very great in the life of every Muslim. Indeed the Muslim woman is the initial teacher in building a righteous society, providing she follows the guidance from the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of the Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam). Since adherence to the Qur`aan and the Sunnah distances every Muslim – male or female – from being misguided in any matter. The misguidance that the various nations suffer from, and their being deviated does not come about except by being far away from the path of Allaah – the Most Perfect, the Most High – and from what His Prophets and Messngers - may Allaah’s Peace and Prayers be upon them all – came with. The Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) said:

"I am leaving behind you two matters, you will not go astray as long as you cling to them both, the Book of Allaah and my Sunnah." [2]

The great importance of the Muslim woman’s role – whether as wife, sister, or daughter, and the rights that are due to her and the rights that are due from her – have been explained in the noble Qur`aan, and further detailed of this have been explained in the purified Sunnah.

The secret of her importance lies in the tremendous burden and responsibility that is placed upon her, and the difficulties she has to shoulder – responsibilities and difficilties some of which not even a man bears. This is why from the most important obligations upon a person is to show gratitude to the mother, and kindness and good companionship with her. And in this matter, she is to be given precedence over and above the father. Allaah the Exalted says:

"And We have enjoined upon man to be good and dutiful to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness upon weakness and hardship upon hardship, and his weaning is in two years. Show gratitude and thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination." [Soorah Luqmaan (31):14]

Allaah the Exalted said:

"And We have enjoined upon man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship, and she brings him forth with hardship. And the bearing and weaning of him is thirty months." [Sooratul Ahqaaf (41):15]

A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) and said:

"O Messenger of Allaah! Who from amongst mankind warrents the best companionship from me?" He replied: "Your mother." The man asked, "Then who?" So he replied: "Your mother." The man then asked, "Then who?" So the Prophet replied again: "Your mother." Then the man asked, "Then who?" So he replied: "Your father." [3]

So this necessitates that the mother is given three times the likes of kindness and good treatment than the father.

As regards the wife, then her status and her effect in making the soul tranquil and serene has been clearly shown in the noble aayah (statement of Allaah), in His – the Exalted – saying:

"And from His signs is this: That He created for you wives amongst yourselves, so that you may find serentiy and tranquility in them. And He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in this are signs for those who reflect." [Sooratur Room (30):21]

Al-Haafidh Ibn Katheer (d.774H) – rahimahullaah – said whilst explaining the terms muwaddah and rahmah which occur in the above aayah:

"Al-muwaddah means love and affection and ar-rahmah means compassion and pity – since a man takes a woman either due to his love for her, or because of compassion and pity for her; by giving to her a child from himself…" [4]

And the unique stance that the Prophet’s (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) wife Khadeejah – radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa – took, had a huge effect in calming and reassuring the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), when the angel Jibreel (‘alayhis-salaam) first came to the cave of Hiraa. So the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) returned to Khadeejah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa) with the first Revelation and with

his heart beating and trembling severely, and he said to her:

"Cover me! Cover me!"

So she covered him until his fear was over, after which he told Khadeejah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa) everything that happened and said:

"I fear that something may happen to me."

So she said to him:

"Never! By Allaah! Allaah will never disgrace you. You keep good ties with the relations, you help the poor and the destitute, you serve your guests generously and assist those who have been afflicted with calamities." [5]

And do not forget about ‘Aa`ishah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa) and her great effect. Since even the great Companions used to take the knowledge of Hadeeth from her, and many of the Sahaabiyaat (female Companions) learned the various rulings pertaining to women’s issues from her.

And I have no doubt that my mother – may Allaah shower His mercy upon her – had a tremendous effect upon me, in encouraging me to study; and she assisted me in it. May Allaah greatly increase her reward and reward her with the best of rewards for what she did for me.

And there is no doubt also, that the house in which there is kindness, gentleness, love and care, along with the correct Islaamic tarbiyah (education and cultivation) will greatly effect the man. So he will become – if Allaah wills – successful in his affairs and in any matter – whether it be seeking knowledge, trading, earning a living, or other than this. So it is Allaah alone that I ask to grant success and to guide us all to that which He loves and is pleased with. And may the Prayers and Peace of Allaah be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his Family, his Companions and his followers.

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Footnotes

[1] He is the exemplary Scholar: Abu ‘Abdullaah, ‘Abdul-‘Azeez Ibn ‘Abdullaah Ibn Baaz. He was born in the city of Riyaadh (Saudi Arabia) on the 12th of Dhul-Hijjah in the year 1330H. He began seeking knowledge by first memorizing the Qur`aan before reaching the age of puberty. After this, He began to study noble sciences such as ‘Aqeedah (beliefs), Fiqh (Islaamic Jurisprudence), Hadeeth (Prophetic Narrations), Usoolul-Fiqh (fundamentals of jurisprudence), Faraa`id (Laws of inheritance), Nahw (Grammar) and Sarf (morphology) – even though the Shaykh became permanently blind at the age of nineteen. He studied these sciences under some of the most prominent scholars of Riyaadh and Makkah of his time, including Shaykh Muhammad Ibn ‘Abdul Lateef Ibn ‘Abdur Rahmaan Ibn Hasan and also the former Grand Muftee and noble scholar, Shaykh Muhammad Ibn Ibraaheem – whom he studied under for ten years. He lived to be eighty-nine years old, he was mild, generous and forbearing in nature, yet firm, whilst wise while speaking the truth. He was a zaahid (one who abstains) with respect to this world and he was one of the foremost scholars of Ahlus-Sunnah wal-Jamaa’ah in his age. The noble Shaykh – by Allaah’s grace – devoted his whole life to Islaam and it’s people, authoring many books and booklets, teaching and serving the masses, along with being very active in the field of Da’wah. May Allaah forgive our noble father and Shaykh.

This article was a response to a particular question concerning the position and status of Muslim women.

[2] Hasan: Related by Maalik in al-Muwattaa (2/899) and al-Haakim (1/93), from Ibn ‘Abbaas (radi-Allaahu ‘anhu). It was authenticated by Shaykh al-Albaanee in as-Saheehah (no. 1871).

[3] Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 5971) and Muslim (7/2), from Abu Hurayrah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhu).

[4] Tafseer Qur`aanil A’dtheem (3/439) of al-Haafidh Ibn Katheer.

[5] Related by al-Bukhaaree (1/22) and Muslim (1/139), from the lengthy narration of ‘Aa`ishah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa).

on January 10, 2005 8:42 AM
Ibtisam said

I just felt like reviving this thread as I read the previous responses. It was interesting, Justoju, what scientific evidence do you have or read that says women peak at 40 and men peak at 20. I thought women peak earlier and men do as well but desires tapers off(I am assumign that is what you were talking about).
I think women plain feel comfortable and much more respected around guys that dont notice them. At least that is the way I felt, if a guy notices me and even if he was some hot stuff but disrespectful, that would get me very very annoyed. Because there are ettiquetes of hayah and stuff.

And oh, sometimes I feel like the Hidayah message board is a movie and all you guys are the sweet innocent good guys, happy-go-lucky, funny
and then I come along as the scrouge or evil person that makes the atmosphere dark and gloomy and give a pessimistic look at the future. Muhahahah! If there is ever another ISRU production, I wanna be the underground bad guy leader who has suited bodyguards working for him and I wanna be the antagonist scrouge that changes into a good person on Eid, lol!
laterz

on January 12, 2005 12:18 AM
asif said

Salaam Sister Ibtisaam:

You are no scourge, no bearer of doom&gloom... actually far from it...Alhamdulillah.

And about that 1/4 lb kid that was selling you food, and asking for your number, you should have given him the number of the local mosque...atleast you would guide him in the right direction and perhaps, he may take heed, Insha'Allah.

Ma'Assalaama

on January 12, 2005 12:35 AM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

This is just a comment to try to get this onto the 100+ list. Only eight more needed insha Allah. Post any thoughts/comments that you have on beauty/marriage/etc...anything consructive.

If anyone took the "Purification Act" class can anyeone please tell me if they spoke about hands first or knees first when going for Sajdah. I thought it was hands first, but I just read this book today from one of those little Saudi da'wah books that say knees first.

Wasalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on February 14, 2005 6:10 PM
Justoju said

well I cant say about anyone else's ijtihad, but Imam Abu Hanifah (one of the mujtahids of the salaf) used to say knees, then hands, then head. I would like to hear what other mujtahids have said...

(trying to get this over 100)

on February 14, 2005 7:18 PM
Justoju said

"Justoju, what scientific evidence do you have or read that says women peak at 40 and men peak at 20."

In my college classes thats what they always taught us. I guess if you really want to know you can always do an internet search for it. Its supposed to be one of those 'widely-known' facts.

on February 14, 2005 7:26 PM
Basel said

erm, before head, isnt it nose first, then forehead?

and about women, 'scientific evidence' (psychology books) says late 20's, early 30's, but that could be skewed if they didnt take into effect the number of women who reach their 30's, find it harder to attract men away from the sweet 16-20's crowd, suddenly realize they want a family (and their chances of conceiving a healthy kid go down after 35), and go all out to grab someone's attention enough for him to marry her.
The same could apply to some in their late 30's, early 40's.

(and lets not forget about menopause that hits in the 40's, another trial sisters have to go through... hard to imagine a woman going through that phase desire men)

on February 15, 2005 5:08 AM
Basel said

A suggestion to the person(s) in charge of the site's coding....

background: sometimes, you check the 'noisemakers' after a few days, and you miss out a lot of valuable comments and insights into some articles, since the noisemakers section only has the last 7 comments.

suggestion: how about having a link in the noisemakers section, that leads to a page that loads the last (insert anything here) comments, and the user could keep going back to the previous (insert anything here) comments, much like an email inbox.... but instead this would be a hidaya comment archive.

(inshAllah if you're not using mssql, and rather mysql, it should be easy to do using row numbers, when you are doing like.... comment # 5000 to 5010.. mssql has a very weird way of doing this and if you get stuck.... feel free to ask inshAllah)

(and, you are free to delete this comment - as long as the noisemakers page is created :)

on February 15, 2005 5:14 AM
Justoju said

Actually, the estimates were (from what I recall) from the famous/infamous Kinsey reports. Since those reports are now known to have a few discrepancies, it could very well be that the estimates were a result of poor experimental design.

on February 15, 2005 12:11 PM
Justoju said

and yes, its nose first and then forehead :)

(only 2 more comments left. Arent you excited.)

on February 15, 2005 12:13 PM
Rami said

Asalaam Aleikm Warahmatullah Wabarkatu,

"A suggestion to the person(s) in charge of the site's coding...."

Basel, cut and paste that comment and send it to Talal's email adress. Or send it to info@hidayaonline.com

Wasalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu

on February 15, 2005 3:15 PM
Mostafa ibn Mohamed Khalifa said

Asalaamu `alaikum,

You are all so blessed that AlMaghrib is bringing the "Fiqh of Love ~ Marriage in Islam" class to NJ (Durbah) in November inshaa' Allah.

http://www.almaghrib.org/fol.php

:D

on February 15, 2005 11:54 PM
Justoju said

Welcome to the 100+ club :)

on February 16, 2005 1:01 AM
Muhsin said

Kinsey reports is social science data, I believe. Scientifically, during menapause and thereafter, most women's peak declines because of hormonal changes and what not. Whereas, men's sexual interest and activity stay pretty much into later ages. At the time of Prophet Muhammad SAW, women were stronger, healthier and that is why they use to /could have children well into their 50s and stuff but nowadays, women are not the same so I would say the peak would be around 20-30s and then taper off. Plus, in Jannah both men and women will be 33 years old, that is the peak of both.
Men's sexual performance does decrease after the age of 30 but desire or peak is still very strong.

on February 16, 2005 12:06 PM
Justoju said

Well, the Kinsey reports would indicate that the peak would come right before menopause...but current critics of the report say that the reason such results were found was because the younger women in the study were too inexperienced/shy/insecure/ignorant to really speak about their own sexuality. The older women were more comfortable expressing it and had become more comfortable and understanding of their bodies.

on February 16, 2005 12:18 PM
Donald Duck said

Assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullah.
I was reading a comment from the 1 of the sisters. Well guys abiding by the Sunnah should do it for the sake of Allah; and not for the sake of playing "irresistable" to the sisters. After all show off is part of shirk and shirk is the worst of all crimes!!!!! I hope you dont take any offence, sister, and I hope that you forgive me if you feel offended in anyways. The thing is that guys should abide by the Sunnah for the sake of Allah(SWT) and Allah(SWT) only. Whether or not the muslimahs notice us ,and whether or not we ever get hot wives in this Earth should not concern a muslim man; because a believing man should trust that the Hereafter is far better than this life. So its no use fretting about women in this Earth. We should hope for the women of the Hereafter. We should fear Allah at the same time for His Wrath is the Most Fearsome.
Ameen

on March 1, 2005 12:11 AM
Ibtisam said

Good answer brother, in the hereafter every Muslim male will have two human muslim wives and countless hoors. Something to look forward to.


I was wondering if my articles will ever be posted? or I should really get lost? is taht the message I should get? LOL! plz let me know.

on March 1, 2005 12:53 AM
Talal said

Sister Ibtisam,
InshaAllah just give a few more excuses to the brothers and sister editors... Life is busy for all, it's as simple as that, so inshaAllah don't take things personally. All will happen in due time.

on March 1, 2005 1:16 AM
asif said

Salaam Ukhti:

Have patience, to get posted on hidaya you have to either have a dynamite article or you are either from New Jerysey or Pennsylvania...well, atleast thats what it seems like.

But you got to give the editors the benefit of doubt because they may be excruciatingly busy due to their midterms or something even more important.

Hey I had a query...Whats the ruling of women wearing Jeans or tight trousers during salaat? Is that OK? Somehow the Pakistanis think that the salaat is not complete...any comments?

Ma'Assalaama

on March 1, 2005 1:19 AM
Abdul Rahim said

Bismillah...As Salaam Walaikum...as much as it is disheartening to concur with a muslim using the nickname of a Disney character I do concur wholeheartedly with Donald Duck. Allah ta'ala definately has something better for the 'believers' in Jannah....Subhan Allah! Al hamdullilah! Allahu Akbar!

on June 25, 2006 8:28 PM
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