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January 3, 2005
Tawakkultu 'Alallah

by Amatullah

 covered by incomprehensible confusion,

stifled by angst,

worried,scared,apprehensive,anxious,guilty,depressed...BREATHE! just BREATHE!

 

just wanna go back

and do things differently.

reality is obscured,

i don't have the answers

to the questions

that shatter my peace of mind.

i don't have the courage

to change,

i am

                           lost

where am i?

who am i?

 

where can i turn?

 

please someone,

help me.

just change the inner turmoil to peace,

who is there to help me?

 

from deep down inside

a spark 

a voice

reaches out, 

urging me to do

what i KNOW i must do.

 

i bow my head in shame.

How could i have turned elsewhere?

How could i have forgotten HIM?

HE, who has all the answers,

HE, who did not desert me

even though i deserted HIM,

HE, who has been waiting for me.

 

i pour out my soul's grief

from the porcelain jug of my heart.

i lay it all at HIS open door,

i leave it all in HIS outstretched hands,

TAWAKKALTU 'ALALLAH!

 

Now there's a beat in my heart

I hadn't noticed it before,

The beat...

Of incomprehensible hope,

Of unending light,

Of Divine forgiveness,

Of ALLAH'S LOVE...

 

Now life is transformed.

HIS beautiful qualities

Tranquilize my life,

Just as the rainbow

Colours the pure sky

After the hurricane.

 

I have rediscovered my

TRUE

Purpose in life.

And though I still don't know all the answers,

It all makes sense now.

Allahu Akbar!

 

HE has all the answers,

HE will see me through,

HE will give me strength.

For HIS eternal promise:

HE will NEVER give me,

Has NEVER given me,

A burden I cannot bear.

 

Oh ALLAH, the Creator of Honesty and Justice,

You are The Most Wise, The Most Merciful.

TAWAKKALTU 'ALALLAH!

Oh ALLAH, forgive me!

Oh ALLAH, I love Thee!


of and relating to...
DeepEmotions said

That. I needed that.
Words most definitely ease my mind, relax my spirit. Just about in the begininning of the poem, myself. Hoping for the middle and then eventually end. Don't you find yourselves sometimes always at the beginning? Weird how it happens.

And Alhamdulilah for this:

"from deep down inside
a spark
a voice
reaches out,

urging me to do
what i KNOW i must do.

i bow my head in shame."

Even if we wanted to we could never thank Allah for even this. The mercy that comes through the voice.

on January 3, 2005 12:40 AM
asif said

Salaam Amatullah:

Are you new? Never seen you contribute or make comments before.

In any case, a very commendable effort...especially for this part:

"Now there's a beat in my heart

I hadn't noticed it before,

The beat...

Of incomprehensible hope,

Of unending light,

Of Divine forgiveness,

Of ALLAH'S LOVE..."

This stanza summarizes, in so many words, the essence of the relationship between Allah and HIS Abd...Subhan'Allah!

Amatullah...you should write more often, Insha'Allah.

Ma'Assalaama

on January 3, 2005 2:12 AM
Justoju said

That moment, that shuddering humility, that helpless abandon, THAT is the closest to Reality that we ever get. All the lifetimes of all of creation added together does not equal one of those moments.

I wish my life and death could all occur within that moment.

on January 3, 2005 3:48 AM
asif said


Ameen to that!!!

May Allah bring us to that moment of Clarity and then stretch it for the rest of our existence.

on January 3, 2005 10:33 AM
asif said

salaam:

Not to go on a tangent..Here is an interesting article...

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=1548&e=1&u=/afp/afplifestylebritain

Basically, according to the article, the smarter the lady is (based on IQ), the less likelyhood of her getting married to a man....

Interesting indeed...I would rather like to think that women regardless of their IQ, would marry a man because she wants to have a family, eventually. Now that would be a "smarter" thing to do. A lot of career oriented ladies (actually the really star performers) are married professionals with kids.

So, I think if a smart college girl doesnt have her priorities correct, she may find it exceedingly difficult to find a suitable man for marriage. Its not about being smart-or not smart, but its about having your priorities straight!

I mean lets face it...how many married couples that you have seen, among your friends and relatives, where the lady is probably smarter and more dynamic than her husband, yet they are happily married (with kids).

A smart man/woman is one who prioritizes their halal goals & objectives and work at it to secure the desirable results, Insha'Allah.

Anyways, some thoughts that I wanted to share.

Ma'Assalaama

on January 3, 2005 11:27 AM
Justoju said

A truly smart woman is one who knows when to conceal her intelligence so as not to threaten her husband's sense of authority and security. It doesnt matter what the reality is, the key is for him to believe that he is the most capable to be in charge. Men, it seems, feel threatened quite quickly and the reason that many unislamic marriages dont work is because there are no gender roles or concessions on the part of the wife. There is little understanding left in the western world today of what each gender's psychological needs are.

on January 3, 2005 3:49 PM
Justoju said

I meed to buy a thobe/jalabiyyah for someone. Where do the brothers get them? Will they have them at normal abaya stores? I usually go into abaya stores for my own stuff and it now occurs to me that I dont know if they carry menswear also.

on January 3, 2005 3:57 PM
asif said

Salaam Justoju San:

I am looking for one abaya myself..seems like each place I go, they only carry women's abaya...Nobody cares for us men! And all the men I talk to have their's brought from back home in syria or egypt or morrocco...Anyways, there are some websites which I am hoping to order from...If you do find such website yourself, please post it here.
Jazak'Allah Khair...
masalaama

on January 3, 2005 4:40 PM
gillette said

there's a good place in east orange. i'll get back to you.

on January 3, 2005 6:23 PM
gillette said

"BANDA ACEH, Indonesia, Jan. 5 - In the makeshift recovery room, Dr. Paul Shumack crouched on the floor cradling the head of Novi, 35, who had already lost her husband and only child to the tsunami, and now her right leg.

"The doctor had just amputated it to the buttock. Short of supplies, the surgical team had been forced to use what was described as a handsaw. The hour-long operation drained huge amounts of blood from Mrs. Novi, already weak from asthma. There was no blood for a transfusion. Her fingers were turning white.

"'She is dying,' said Dr. Shumack, the leader of an emergency surgical team of Australian doctors and nurses. Ten minutes later, still holding her head, he softly pronounced her dead. 'We gave her what chance we could.'

"International health officials have warned of soaring numbers of casualties among survivors of the tsunami 10 days ago, but doctors here say that many of the most seriously injured died even before medical teams arrived here near the center of the devastation.

"'To some extent a process of natural selection has occurred,' Dr. Shumack said. 'People with no treatment at all are already dead.'
...
"'A couple of drops of this putrid water gives these people rip-roaring pneumonia and lacerations that get horrendously infected,' Dr. Shumack said. 'The septicemia is incredible. The surgical cases have become more complicated because the infections are becoming more spectacular.'
...
"At one point on Wednesday, the electricity sputtered out; they continued to operate with flashlights. They brought 39,000 pounds of surgical equipment but by the time they did their first amputation on Wednesday, they realized they had run out of a special amputation saw, known as a Gigli, which allows doctors to cut through bone with minimal damage to muscle and other tissues. They had brought only four, and although the saws are too fragile to bear much re-use, the doctors had managed it a few times in the past few days. Now they had run out."

NY Times, 1/6/2005
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/01/06/international/worldspecial4/06wounded.html

on January 6, 2005 8:47 AM
amatullah said

was salaamu alaikum

JazakAllah khair for taking the time to comment

DeepEmotions: " That. I needed that.
Words most definitely ease my mind, relax my spirit " Alhumdulillah, all praise is Due to Allah...

" Just about in the begininning of the poem, myself. Hoping for the middle and then eventually end. Don't you find yourselves sometimes always at the beginning? Weird how it happens. "...hmm sorry but i don't really understand what you're saying there...

"Even if we wanted to we could never thank Allah for even this. The mercy that comes through the voice" ...Yes we couldn't...that 'voice' is Allah's way of guiding us, may Allah give us the ability to stop ignoring it, lest he stops whispering guidance to us!

asif: " Are you new? Never seen you contribute or make comments before." No, actually I used to comment under 'plz make Dua4 me'

"Amatullah...you should write more often, Insha'Allah." Insha Allah , plz make Dua 4 me


Justoju: "That moment, that shuddering humility, that helpless abandon, THAT is the closest to Reality that we ever get. All the lifetimes of all of creation added together does not equal one of those moments.

I wish my life and death could all occur within that moment." ...Yes, Alhumdulillah...i so too.It's weird that most of us only experience that moment when we're at our wits end and have exhaused other means.We could live our entire life if this state, if we only allowed ourself to change, if we only allowed ourself to submit wholely to our Creator.May Allah guide us.Ameen

asif: "Basically, according to the article, the smarter the lady is (based on IQ), the less likelyhood of her getting married to a man...." i think that would depend on how we define 'smart' in the first place

Take care
was salaam

on January 7, 2005 1:22 PM
amatullah said

May Allah grant the victims of the Tsunami patience and courage.may Allah ease their suffering and help each and every one affected by the tragedy.May He save us from calamities such as this.May we take heed of Allah's warnings.ameen

on January 7, 2005 1:26 PM
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