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January 7, 2005
Hanging From A Glance - Part III

by Justoju

This piece is not an autobiographical story about ME or my experiences. I am not Huda. Huda's personality and strengths are not mine. Huda is a fictitious character, much too perfect to be real, and if her account seems credible it is because that is how many 'religiously motivated' girls feel when they are in the situation described in the story. Whatever the reader's personal feelings towards Huda (regarding her expectations, reactions, etc) please note that they should not be extended to this novice writer who is, ultimately, simply experimenting with fiction.


(Author's Note: This ‘Hanging From A Glance’ series is a continuation of the 'Marriage Considerations' series and is the sixth installment. Earlier installments can be found by clicking on the 'Qalam's Crossing' column link on the left side of the Hidaya homepage.)


“Ya Rabb, make it be like before. I want to go back to when it was just You and me. When it was just You. I don’t want to share my heart with anyone else. I don’t want to share any of it with any creation.
My solitude was better than this.
I was never ‘really’ alone.
I had You.
That’s all I want, that’s all I need. You are enough. You are enough for me Ya Allah, You are enough, You are enough, You are enough Ya Allah, You are enough…You are enough…You are enough…You are…You are…You...You...You…”

Huda’s limp, defeated body fell into prostration, her heart crying in anguish for relief, for escape; her lips methodically repeating a single word, a single plea, a single hope:


Within that word, that syllable, she saw a limitless universe of escape from a limited universe of constraints. That single word created and contained every written fancy, every written resolution. It was the one word that contained them all. She saw a Reality that transcended all human emotion, all human understandings, and all human weaknesses. This was the only thing she believed could save her from her own self and her own delusions.


She slept, her lips still moving, her tears not yet dry.

Fajr Time

She awoke with a start, her heart racing and limbs trembling. Her dream was still fresh upon her senses. She could still smell the jasmine in the foggy air of her imagination. The dew was still fresh and clinging to her eyelashes. The birds were still singing her name, calling to her with their siren entrancement. She could still taste the sweetness of the molasses air as it circulated through her form. Her every sense affirmed the reality of the vision.

She had seen herself walking down a beautiful meadow path. She knew that there were wolves behind her, but her legs felt heavy and sluggish. Her mind felt dull. The path was so beautiful, so serene that the possibility of the wolves overtaking her and spilling blood upon the perfection of the landscape seemed unlikely and preposterous. It was too beautiful to be corruptible, too simple in its goodness to spare room for any element of danger. She heard voices calling to her, inviting her to stay, inviting her to hear them sing her praises. Where were they coming from?

She looked in all directions and saw that they were coming from every corner, every entity in every direction that surrounded her. They were coming from the grass so green and soft beneath her bare feet. They were coming from the birds in the trees, so colorful and bright, so endearingly conscious of her at every moment. They were coming from the sky, whose clouds seemed to compete to shield her from the already mild sun whose warm kisses seemed to fall upon her like a rain of yellow petals of light. They were coming from the splashing playful stream whose water displayed her reflection in all of its dancing ripples. It was all calling to her, pleading with her to stay, entreating her with beauty and promises of rest.

Her legs were so very heavy; she was so tired of walking. She felt she had been walking for years and the path before her seemed to be long and shadowed with the unknown. It was so bright here, surely she was allowed to rest? Surely she could continue on her path after having refreshed herself with the cool crystalline waters of the stream and after having tasted the oranges already peeled and glistening with juice, that lay strewn across the grass? Surely she could spare a moment…

Suddenly she remembered. She couldn’t stay, she couldn’t taste, she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t stop until she reached the end. There was no time to stop and no time to waste. She could not let the delights of the path distract her from her destination. She had to run.

With that she tried to quicken her pace and to force her legs to take larger strides. But they were so very heavy and her mind was so tired and sleepy. She fell to the ground. She saw that the oranges had come to resemble human skulls.

This wasn’t a meadow.

It was a graveyard for the damned that stopped for too long. It was the voracious ground that fed upon the fallen heroes and unwary travelers who had wandered too far off the path. She had to escape.

She started crawling, pulling her now near-paralyzed legs forward upon the path. She could now clearly hear the howl of the wolves that had been following her scent for years. She had to keep moving. She had to get away from the voices and the scents, the songs and the deluding reflections. She had to get out of this meadow before it swallowed her whole; digesting her soul and turning her form into fertilizer with which to create more flowers to seduce future travelers.

The wolves were not more dangerous than the flowers.


To be continued...

of and relating to...
asif said

Salaam Justoju San:

I like the depiction of heavy steps dragging behind when all you want is run as fast as you can...this is an all too familiar scenario in my dreams as well.

Good piece, Masha'Allah.
Do you plan to merge this state of affairs of Huda to the one in "Marriage Consideration" as well, or are they going to be two separate episodes/tracks of Huda's personality and experiences?

Jazak Allah khair for continuing this endeavor.

on January 7, 2005 11:27 AM
asif said

SALAAM (everyone)


J U M M A H M U B A R I K !!!

on January 7, 2005 12:24 PM
Saima said

Masha'Allah sr justoju.. as always :)

on January 7, 2005 2:33 PM
asif said


I got some flyers after Jummah about Al-Maghrib Institute doing seminars and conferences here in Bay Area, starting from Feb 2nd till Feb 6th @ Berkley, MCA and Stanford.

Insha'Allah, I will try to attend as much as possible...All the sheikhs from Almaghrib are planning to be here.

If anyone of you brothers from ISRU do plan to visit these program, please feel free to come and stay with us (me and my cats)...just give us enough heads-up so we can clean all the furballs :)


on January 7, 2005 6:32 PM
asif said

Salaam Everyone:

I read the weekly news letter from MCA, and there was a good article on the third page by Dian Alyan, an Indonesian sister who is the director of Outreach forum in MCA. Her article is about the Tsunami: Allah's Decree and Our Response.

Here is a link to the newsletter. Its in Pdf format.

By the way..where is everyone? All I see now are these advertisements on the comment sections.
I hope we all write and contribute more, Insha'Allah.

on January 8, 2005 10:39 AM
curious said

as salam alaykum

everyone is most probably at the Al-Maghrib class going on this week.

its called The Purification Act, there's ads for it in a lot of the comments sections.

on January 8, 2005 11:09 AM
Faisal Akhtar said


I am back alhamdulillah.

I am still suffering from the cold I caught in Pakistan so if I am not well enough by tuesday, I won't be posting so please pray for me.


on January 8, 2005 12:29 PM
Justoju said

"The wolves were not more dangerous than the flowers."

Anyone want to take a stab at what that means?

on January 10, 2005 8:34 AM
asif said

Salaam Justoju San:

"The wolves were not more dangerous than the flowers."

I can think of the following as one plausible meanings, Insha'Allah:

1-The wolves are the weakness and or shortcomings of Huda (that can be exploited by the instigations of Shaitan) such that if they ever catch up to her, she will never be able to arrive to the destination of everlasting joy and pleasure (reserved for the Mutaaqeen).
2-The Flowers and everything beautiful in the meadows are the distraction of this world/life that will slow her down, again in reaching her final destination of peace and serenity (reserved for the Momineen).

As both elements are a cause of Huda not able to arrive at her destination, thats why they are equally dangerous.

Thats my two cents...


on January 10, 2005 7:16 PM
Amani said

"The wolves were not more dangerous than the flowers."

I was also going to say what brother Asif said...that the flowers were the "delights" and "good stuff" of this world, the things that distract us from our ibada and submission to Allah. They are wolves in sheep's clothing, things we may not think are evil but indeed truly are wheras the wolves are those that are clearly bad for us, things that hurt us.

on January 10, 2005 9:29 PM
Justoju said

Exactly. In the end, EVERYTHING in duniya is a test, a stimulus whose response is measured and noted. If our sabr is not being tested, then our shukr is.

on January 11, 2005 6:34 AM
Justoju said


“A Weekend In The Footsteps Of Our Messenger (Saw)…”
Imam Nawawi's 40 Hadith commentary by
Mufti Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf
January 15th-17th, 2004

Cost will be $70 for entire retreat (including rooms, food, etc)
$25 for day passes, $40 for a weekend pass
(Registration Deadline: 1/07/2005 or while spaces last)
$80 for late registration
There will be NO onsite Registration

on January 13, 2005 6:45 AM
Justoju said

There will probably be onsite registration but it is best to email them and check in advance to see if there are any spots left. You dont want to drive there and then find out that they cant accomodate you.

on January 13, 2005 5:45 PM
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