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January 18, 2005
surrender?

by Gillette aka Hassan[uddin] Khaja


i hope she didn't catch me looking. is she looking at me? are my pants folded right? i hate when my hairy legs show. how's my beard? i wish i would've trimmed it today. astaghfirullah, i only live for him. but she's so good. and marrying her would be pleasing him. i hope i smell all right. did she hear me recite when I was leading prayer? i should've recited something longer, maybe she'd be impressed...astaghfirullah, i only live for him. i heard he's interested in her, too. i'm screwed. he knows so much more. his eman is so much higher. how much does he make? how much will he make? what if i were more like...astaghfirullah, i only live for him. what if i got more involved? she's always doing something for islam. what if i got involved in what she does? isru, almaghrib, mcmc, isna, icna. she's the head of everything, how can i get to the top like her so she can admire me and i'll be to her liking. oh god, i think my cologne wore off. she wouldn't smell anything anyway if we keep our distance, right? what if i sit next to her at the da'wah...astaghfirullah, i only live for him. why would she go for me? she could have him, or him, or him. i don't have a chance. i gotta be more visible, talk more, make sure i stand out in her head. what if i wrote more? then she'll notice...astaghfirullah, i only live for him. if i memorized the whole quran, i'd have more going for me. brothers would ask me to lead more often if they knew i was a haafidh. no sister could turn down a haafidh, right? i could be a walking quran, like the prophet. then she'd notice...astaghfirullah, i only live for him. what about her mahrams? who are they? i could get to know them, and they'd recommend me to her. so, if i memorize the quran, i could lead them in prayer. when i lead them, i'll recite so much that they'll love me and they couldn't turn down my proposal, and she wouldn't...astaghfirullah, i only live for him. does she have a younger brother? they're always suckers for older brothers with beards. spit a few ahaadeeth and ayaat at him, and he'll love me. then he'll convince her, and everything will be all good. i just need to learn...astaghfirullah, i only live for him. riyaa and marriage are a deadly combination like a mushrikah and a muslim. i've been in this place before, where i thought i had light, but found nothing but darkness. maybe she'll cure my ills. if i can get her to pay attention to all my good deeds that...astaghfirullah, i only live for him.

of and relating to...
Justoju said

I dont even know how to comment on this.

The last thing one wants when laying one's human propensity towards riyaa bare is for someone to praise one for it. Its a maddening cycle of jihad-un-nafs.

I just have this to say: Your finest and most beneficial piece yet. And it is as Allah Wills.

on January 18, 2005 9:12 AM
ibtisam said

LOL!
Humorous post at that....
that is pretty sad, a religious person thinking he has to impress this one girl, when he can actually marry four of hers. We have an imbalance and exemplifying the new world order,where women are in charge...astaghfirullaah indeed.

Besides that, I would tell the brother not necessary being a haafidh, girls would accept proposals, although alhamdulillaah I married a religious haafidh, who did lead in salaatul taraweeh in his hometown but I did turn down one prior haafidh for the sheer fact that I was a little young when his family proposed and too much age difference(10yrs)and he sadly was not that religious, wallaahu alim, at least not outwardly, or so it seemed.

on January 18, 2005 10:09 AM
asif said

Hahahah...this is rather interesting and amusing.

Well Done Hassan San!

You know what goes thru a 20 something male's mind is anybody's guess, but I can put few comments to the above...

Part of me could relate to this when I was like around 19-23 years old, especially when I was looking for my significant other...and yes I had these scenarios when Ishk-Mizagi (temporal love) will conflict with Ishk-Haqeeqi (real love). For those who dont know, the terms are used in urdu poetry for love of a human to love of Allah, respectively.

...and this conflict used to happen on all levels...and probably testosterones had to do something with it....but I heard someone say recently, that a male after his 33 years is no more a youth and that full maturity for a man comes at around 40, Insha'Allah. Thats why all of the prophets (except Eesa and Yahya alay-hes-salaam) were at 40 before they became prophet including RasaulAllah (sal-lal-la-hu-wa-sal-lam).

And that is why, perhaps, the hikamh in marrying earlier is to quench that natural tendency or the youthful "excuberance" towards the other gender, such that an individual after marrying is not facing this challenging distraction on a regular basis, day in day out....this is generally for both gender but more so for men.

May Allah bring all you young folks to your right companion with Allah's Mercy and Maghfirah and may He Shower His Blessings on all of you to have a loving muslim family, in this life and in the hereafter...Ameen

Ma'Assalaama

on January 18, 2005 2:16 PM
gillette said

"You know what goes thru a 20 something male's mind is anybody's guess"

considering the fact that i'm a 20 something male, i think i'd know a little bit about it.

on January 18, 2005 7:51 PM
gillette said

This is where the UN World Health Organization posts their situation reports on what happens in South Asia.

http://www.who.int/hac/crises/international/asia_tsunami/sitrep/en/

Donate generously:

http://www.irw.org/donate

on January 18, 2005 11:38 PM
ibtisam said

Jazakullaahu khair,
jazakullaahu khair,
where IS Justaju?

on January 19, 2005 12:23 AM
Justoju said

AssalamuAlaikum,

Justoju is currently in the middle of intensive rishta considerations and is therefore not answering any non-urgent emails at the current moment.

Please have patience with your struggling sister and keep her and her pathetic ikhlaas in your duas.

WasalaamuAlaikum

on January 19, 2005 12:57 AM
yourolderbrother Abdullaah :) said

OH MY GOD! in shaa Allaah, in shaa Allaah
first ten days of dhul hijjah, just remember, dua's will be accepted because it is worship

May Allaah give you a zawj that is the coolness of your eye that will complement you and may Allaah help both of you to excel in His deen and follow and stay on the righteous path, ameen summa ameen.
Let me know in shaa Allaah ;)

Sister Ibtisam and/or Brother Abdullaah

on January 19, 2005 1:08 AM
Justoju said

JazakAllahu khair sister/brother :)

The biggest comfort in my life is the fact that I am in the Best Hands. InshaAllah, all is for the best, and whether this happens or it doesnt, you will recieve a very happy email from me...

on January 19, 2005 1:25 AM
Talal said

Hassan... awesome work mashaAllah.
All over the world, sisters are rejoicing at your laying bare the mind/heart/soul of the male Muslim youth :D

on January 19, 2005 2:10 AM
asif said

THE RELATION OF MARRIAGE IS FOR LAWFUL PLEASURE
Author: Syeda Muneeba Masood


Assalam o Alaikum,

Dear Brothers & Sisters in Islam

Nikah (Marriage) is one of the Sunnah of Prophet Mohammad (SallAllaho Alaihi Wasallam) and that’s why Muslims should abide by this Sunnah of the Prophet. Allah's Apostle at various places has advised Muslims to perform Nikah. Nikah lowers ones gaze and develops piety. Instead of gazing around Na-Mehram, a Muslim should perform Nikah and should spend a blissful life.

Allah has made the relationship of marriage for lawful pleasure.


QURAN
"It is He Who has created man from water: then has He established relationships of lineage and marriage: for thy Lord has power (over all things)." (Chapter #25, Verse #54)


HADITH
Narrated Uqba bin Amir: Prophet Mohammad (SallAllaho Alaihi Wasallam) said, "From among all the conditions which you have to fulfill, the conditions which make it legal for you to have sexual relations (i.e. the marriage contract) have the greatest right to be fulfilled." (Book #50, Hadith #882)


HADITH
Narrated 'Uqba: The Prophet said: "The stipulations most entitled to be abided by are those with which you are given the right to enjoy the (women's) private parts (i.e. the stipulations of the marriage contract)." (Book #62, Hadith #81)

A Muslim man cannot marry a non-Muslim woman and likewise a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man. If non-Muslim man or woman accepts Islam (becomes Muslim) and believe the One and Omnipotent Lord then marriage is allowed with him/her.


QURAN
Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise. (Chapter #2, Verse #221)

Allah Haafiz
Muneeba


RULINGS OF NIKAH (MARRIAGE)
By Mufti Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi


The following rules pertain to 'Marriage' (Nikah).

1. Nikah is a great bounty from Allah Ta'ala. The affairs of this world and the hereafter are put in order through marriage. There is a lot of wisdom and many benefits in marriage. A person saves himself from sinning and his heart is put at ease. He does not have any evil intentions and his thoughts do not begin to wander and stray. The greatest virtue is that there are only benefits and only rewards in this. This is because a husband and wife’s sitting together and engaging in a loving conversation, joking with each other, etc. is better than nafl salat.

2. A marriage can be executed by just two words, e.g. a person says the following words in the presence of witnesses: "I give my daughter to you in marriage." The person who is addressed replies: "I accept her in marriage." In so doing, the marriage is valid and both of them are lawful husband and wife. However, if the person has several daughters, the nikah will not be executed by his uttering the words mentioned above. He will have to mention the daughter by name, e.g. he says: "I give my daughter, Qudsiyyah, to you in marriage” and the person replies: "I accept her in marriage."

3. A person says: "Give so-and-so daughter of yours to me in marriage." The father replies:” I give her to you in marriage." In so saying, the nikah will be valid irrespective of whether he says that he accepts or not. (In other words, it is not necessary for the word "accept" to be mentioned).

4. If the daughter is present and the father says: "I give this daughter of mine in marriage to you” and the person replies: "I accept her", the nikah will be valid. It will not be necessary to mention her name.

If the girl is not present, it is necessary to mention her name and the name of her father in such a loud tone that all the witnesses are able to hear. If the people do not know the father and there is a strong possibility that by mentioning his name they will still not know whose nikah is being performed, then it will be necessary to mention the name of the grand-father as well. In other words, such identification is necessary whereby those present immediately know whose nikah is being performed.

5. In order for a nikah to be valid, it is also essential for at least two males or one male and two females to be present, to hear the nikah being performed, and to hear the two words (i.e. the offer and the acceptance) being uttered. Only then will the nikah be valid. If two persons sit together in privacy and one says to the other: "I give my daughter to you in marriage" and the other person replies: "I accept your daughter", the nikah will not be valid. Similarly, if the nikah was performed in the presence of one person only, even then the nikah will not be valid.

6. If there are no males present, but only females, the nikah will not be valid even if there are ten females present. Together with two females, one male has to be present.

7. If there are two males but they are not Muslims, the nikah will not be valid. Similarly, if both are Muslims but both or one of them is immature, the nikah will not be valid. Similarly, if there is one male and two females but both or one of the females is immature, the nikah will not be valid.

8. It is preferable to perform the nikah in a large gathering such as after the jumu'ah salat in a jumu'ah musjid or in any other large gathering. This is so that the nikah will be well announced and the people will become aware of the nikah. A nikah should not be performed in secret and privacy. However, if due to some reason many persons are unable to attend, then at least two males or one male and two females who hear the nikah being performed in their very presence should be present.

9. If both the man and woman are mature, they can perform their own nikah. All that they have to do is say the following in the presence of two witnesses: One of them must say: "I am making my nikah with you" and the other must say: "I accept." In so doing, the nikah will be valid.

10. If a person does not make his nikah himself, but asks someone to perform his nikah with someone, or, he mentions the name of the person with whom he wishes his nikah to be performed and this person performs this nikah in the presence of two witnesses - the nikah will be valid. Even if this person rejects or denies this later, the nikah will still be intact.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/islamisuniversal

on January 19, 2005 7:25 AM
asif said

Salaam Justoju San:

"Justoju is currently in the middle of intensive rishta considerations and is therefore not answering any non-urgent emails at the current moment."

May Allah Bless you in this Rishta...insha'Allah, and may HE bring you both together for His sake in this life and in the hereafter and may you both be a cause for happiness, tranquility and peace to each other and others around you...Ameen

Hopefully, you will break the good news to all of your brothers and sisters on this site shortly...Insha'Allah

And...dont grill him with too many tough questions like Huda did in one of her "marriage considerations" episodes...

Ma'Assalaama

on January 19, 2005 8:35 AM
gillette said

i heard/read another complaint about the adab observed on this website ("flirt" - and all its different forms - seems to be a common theme). i just wanted to point out that, while flirting in public might not be as bad flirting via e-mail, it's still flirting.

on January 19, 2005 10:08 AM
ibtisam said

it IS just as bad if not worse, because it is slandering the person and insulting them in front of public, so in many cases it is worse.

on January 19, 2005 12:01 PM
Bint Abdul Khaliq said

As Salaamu Alaikum

MashAllah...hilarious.I think we all go through this Jihad An Nafs at some time or other.The more Taqwa and awareness Of ALLAH we have -the easier it is to fight it.May ALLAH grant us piety and Taqwa.Ameen

Was Salaam

on January 19, 2005 1:15 PM
gillette said

i said worse because secrecy between unrelated men and women isn't cool.

on January 19, 2005 3:50 PM
Belal Khan said

Id say all the stuff before "astaghfirullah" are the whispers of the shaytan, only making it sound like ones own thoughts.

on January 19, 2005 8:35 PM
asif said

Assalaamu Alaikum Everyone:


E-i-D M-U-B-A-R-I-K

wa

Ie'd K-A-R-E-E-M

May Allah Shower His blessings on Rasul-Allah (sal-lal-la-hu-wa-sal-lam) and his family and on Ibraheem (alay-hes-salaam) and all the prophets and their family...Ameen

May Allah have Mercy & Maghfirah with Blessing for each one of you and your parents, and your spouses, and your siblings, and your offsprings, and your elders, and your young ones, and all those friends and family members that have passed away, and those who are with us, and those who will come later...Ameen

And may Allah make us among the Muhsinoon, the Muttaqoon, the Saleyheen, the Aabideen, the Zakireen, the Zahideen, the Sabireen, and the Muslimoon in our life, in our death, and on the day of judgement...Ameen

Ma'Assalaama

on January 20, 2005 7:04 AM
gillette said

Salami Salam
Written by: Hamzah Moin
Saying salams to the opposite gender on campus is actually quite the trivial issue. Some scholars say that men should be required to initiate the salams to the sister while other scholars say it should be sister that should start off with the salams.

The following scenario looks at a common incident through different points of view and what exactly is going on inside the minds of a sister and a brother (in Islam).

Sister's Point of View:

**sister walks out of exam hall**

Oh my gyad, that chemistry test was so easy! I'm sooooo happy for finishing my last exam. This is the happiest day of my life! LOL!

**a brother exits from opposite exam hall**

Oh, WHO is that? Is he Muslim? He has an ugly beard ewww. He looks scary. And WHY is he walking this way? Oh my God he's headed straight towards me! Okay, be calm… it's all normal. Just be polite and make eye contact and…

BROTHER: Assalamu Alaikum
SISTER: Walaikum Musalam

OH MY GOD. He just said salams to me! No way it must have been to someone else. Wait, but there is no one else around. OH MY GOD IT WAS FOR ME. But why? Why would a random brother just say salams to me? It just doesn't make sense. I've been wearing this hijab for ages… so why the salams NOW?

Hmmm, this brother looks like he's almost done in under grad. Isn't that the brother who got into med school? Wow he's so smart mashAllah. Why would someone like that say SALAM to me? Was he just trying to be nice? Hmmm.

OR maybe he was being MORE than nice. Yeah I think that has to be it. OMG no way. Does he like me??? I've never seen him before but I sometimes study in the science library so he probably saw me. Why wouldn't he say salams to me then? Maybe he was waiting to become more secure in his field before saying salams to me? I think that must be it. He is no doubt scouting people… of course.

This is soooo weird lol. But mashAllah he's a good looking brother. I'm sure he's pious. That beard looks good on him mashAllah. I wonder if he's talked to his parents about me yet? I hope his parents will like me. I'm a nice girl though. All the aunties love my personality lol.

But if he lives far away then I might have to move close to his parents' house because his job will probably be around there. Oh man the change in life will be sooooo hard to get used to. I wonder if he's going to live in his own place or if we're going to move in with his parents? I wouldn't mind living with his parents ONLY if they're open-minded. Uffff I hate close-minded people. I want to have nice in-laws.

I hope he wants a simple Nikkah. I can't stand all that extravagant crap that goes on nowadays. He seems very simple and down-to-earth though mashAllah. Definitely my kind of man. I wonder how he is with kids. I don't mind having kids but he better not be the type that wants like 50 kids. OMG that would so suck. 3 is a good number. I like the names Bilal , Mariam and Ayesha. InshAllah it'll be in that order.

I wonder if he's very science-y. I don't like when people are too science-y. I think our kids should do anything they want as long as they are successful. Bilal would make a good social worker I think.

He seems like the type that would always compliment my cooking, no matter how bad it is lol J I hate guys who think women belong in the kitchen. I think he'll help out once in awhile too. He seems so gentle and delicate hahah.

Wow I hope when Bilal grows up he'll let me and that brother live with him. I don't want to go to any retirement home! No inshAllah that brother will instil good values into Bilal. But OMG should I wait until he says salams again? I'm sure he'll make the first move.

Brother's Point of View.

**brother walks out of exam hall**

Wow. I think I failed that exam. I haven't shaven for days because of these stupid exams. I look like a werewolf. Stupid science. I think I'll switch into political science next year… I can't take this. Hey is that a hijabi over there? Hmmm I think I should be polite and say salams.

BROTHER: Assalamu Alaikum
SISTER: Walaikum Musalam

Man, I'm hungry. I wonder what's for dinner tonight? Hopefully spaghetti.

http://www.maniacmuslim.com/salamisalam.html

on January 23, 2005 10:07 PM
Justoju said

I LOVE IT!

I dont recall ever thinking about a brother's salaam for more than 5 seconds...Ladies, is it just me or do you all think the same way?

Even if it isnt perfectly accurate, I STILL LOVE IT!

on January 24, 2005 11:07 AM
ibtisam said

yeah it was funny,
except for the past two hours I have been reading online stuff on muslim women being abused in American prisons in iraqi. What u guys think?
I cannot stand this info anymore. Muslim women's honour violated. I know human rights agencies are fighting for this. But all this is making me very depressed. Very very depressed. I feel extremely sad all over again. Also, I found out my friend is getting a divorce and all along she was playing as she was happy in her marriage. I call her to invite her to my wedding party and she says she is getting divorce from her husband who was a complete dhaalim.

Back to Iraqi women abuse....
these are chaste women, mutahajjibaat being abused and violated, making me think, should I just ask you to post my story about this abuse in Abu Ghraib, what you guys think? I cannot even imagine to be in their position. For even though there is no such thing as honor killing in religious muslim families, I know some girls would not be able to live with themselves.

May Allaah help the Muslim women and give them jannah and may Allaah forgive those that killed themselves and may Allaah help them through this ordeal.

on January 25, 2005 1:40 AM
asif said

Salaam:

Most of these atrocities are carried out by the Iraqi police or stabilizing force being groomed by the US to take over the enforcement of law and order after US supposedly leaves Iraq. These are the "new and improved" forces of the Iraqi President Alawai and thats why they can repeat the same demeaning behaviors that were carried out on muslims and muslimahs by the Saddam govt.

This is like going in circle...well what can we muslims do, but just go in circle and circle and come back to where we were...like 100 years ago...really pathetic bunch of omnivores we all are...as a nation...and I am part of this nation.

Ma'Assalaama

on January 25, 2005 9:20 PM
Justoju said

"And...dont grill him with too many tough questions like Huda did in one of her "marriage considerations" episodes..."

If I had followed that advice I never would have had the pleasure of hearing him give perfect answers. I encourage everyone to ask their questions. Marriage is no joke.

on January 26, 2005 7:13 AM
asif said

"And...dont grill him with too many tough questions like Huda did in one of her "marriage considerations" episodes..."

If I had followed that advice I never would have had the pleasure of hearing him give perfect answers. I encourage everyone to ask their questions. Marriage is no joke.

Salaam...asking queries and analyzing specific responses to the queries is a healthy means of evaluating your significant other to-be. But I know this that an appropriate response in it self is not the one-in-all comprehensive determination of a potential partner.

Considering what someone mentioned in an earlier post that men will jump thru "blazing" loops and climb the highest "hills" to impress the ladies, but more often than not, men tend to fizzle afterwards once they are married....this is not applicable to all but quiet a few of us men.

The ONLY prudent thing for a muslimah to do is to Trust Allah completely and accept her fate, whatever it may be. Indeed this is very difficult but indeed it is the blessed path...Insha'Allah.

I guess, all the disclaimers in Huda's postings were not really disclaimers per say...there is more to what we claim vs what we actually end up doing.

on January 26, 2005 9:44 AM
Talal said

"If I had followed that advice I never would have had the pleasure of hearing him give perfect answers."

Past tense.
So I guess we can expect to see the conclusion to Huda's tale inshaAllah.

on January 26, 2005 1:41 PM
ibtisam said

A guy actually impressed you justoju? I am impressed!and when will I get the chance to hear good news in shaa Allaah? :)

Perfect answers,
girlfriend, you gotta tell me this, what perfect answers are? and guys are good at giving perfect answers if they know a girl is expecting such.
I guess this rebuttal debate thing was a good experience for you walhamdulillaah. In shaa' Allaah all is well and will be well.
My friend went through the whole rishta searching deal after rejecting her cousin in Pakistan. She ended up marrying a complete jerk and she went through a lot, when she was telling me stuff that he was mean to her, I told her enough, I really cant hear anymore, subhanallaah very strong woman,I felt so sad and bad for her, knowing her life was ruined because of this one guy, I felt "real" and true sadness not the fake depression or shaitaani depression I was expressing for the past year on hidayah. And here I was pouting and complaining about an illusion of my husband not being religious when in fact he was(and extremely nice as well(innately though no one taught him these things), I have not heard of a nicer guy than him, what personality, character, ikhlaaq, I cannot stop saying and yet I was ignoring all that because he was not a permemant sheikh lol), funny, how much insaan is unthankful for their blessings and for us so called outward looking muslims and pious people, we cant even take a thorn pricking us and start complaining etc.

on January 26, 2005 9:49 PM
asif said

Masha'Allah the last comment was excellent..Jazak Allah Khair sister...And Brother Talal is right, we need to wrap up the Huda series...atleast the one which involves the marriage consideration...Insha'Allah.

And then someone can venture into creating another fictitious character that will show a male perspective under similar circumstances...any takers from the bros?

Ma'Assalaama

on January 27, 2005 12:11 AM
Abdullaah said

I'll do the male version on my break in shaa Allaah.
I am good at personifying guys and depicting their feelings, psyche(please do tell me if you disagree).
I have always been mistaken for a guy in the past on MSA message boards, other message boards even with gender neutral names because of the way i say things in shaa allaah, so it wont be hard for me to do an
Abdullaah series

on January 27, 2005 12:55 AM
asif said

Insha'Allah...Ok...Abdullah series it is...Hopefully, everyone else will agree as well.

Hey check the following
http://islamcenter.or.jp/eng/ICJ11.htm##2

scroll down untill you see the sheikh...isn't he an awesome sheikh doing what he is doing...Masha'Allah.

on January 27, 2005 1:13 AM
Justoju (I like numbered lists) said

1. I am not engaged and dont see it happening for at least a month. He lives far away and the parents need time to visit and get comfortable with one another. So please, no congratulations.

2. He didnt know what answers to give before he was asked. It just so happened that we shared similar ideas and goals.

3. I did not ask the same questions that Huda asked (he was no Usman from the beginning). Also, I did not ask questions as directly and obsessively as Huda. My style is a bit different and my questions depend upon the prospect.

4. What impressed me about him was the effect he had on my family for the week he was with us. My parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother, EVERYONE loves him DESPITE his not speaking a word of Urdu (only knows english, pashto, and arabic), not being ahl-al-bayt, not being well-off or super-educated or coming from a well-off or super-educated family (though they are all respectable folks mashaAllah), not having above-average looks, and despite his being quite religiously qualified and wanting to go study the deen (he has already studied abroad for a few years). What a total shocker. I still cant believe that they are all ok with this and LOVE him. All of a sudden its like my teenage cousins have a new role model and WANT to chill with him and ask him their islamic questions. The grownups WANT to have him over for chai-shai. I see him having snowball fights with the kids and having intelligent conversation with the adults. Everyone thinks he is a blast to be around because he has a light personality, doesnt take himself too seriously, and doesnt force-feed the deen--which enables him to give good dawah by just setting a good example. When you see people (kids and adults) who do everything to avoid prayer getting up to pray in jamaa' in your living room and becoming involved in islamic discussions, you know you have hit something special.

5. Dont worry, I am not attached (alhamdulillah) and can still think objectively inshaAllah. No one knows how sincere another person is, but, aside from istikhaaras, tawakkul, and outward observations, what else do we have to go on? The line must be drawn at judging someone elses sincerity because when you cross that line you end up harming your own relationship with Allah, Glorious and Exalted. I dont judge something to be my 'naseeb' until after its happened so I am not getting my hopes up about this. I dont deserve this brother anyway.

6. I think Huda has a few more men to go through before she settles down.

7. oh and jazakumAllahu khair for all your duas :)

on January 27, 2005 6:41 AM
asif said

Masha'Allah a nice brother indeed, may Allah Bless him and his family, and may he bring you and him together with your parents blessings and happiness...Ameen....Well we now have someone in real life that can be the basis for this "Abdullah" character that the sister wants to write about...

Would be an interesting reading...Insha'Allah.

Also check this news...who are these murabitans?...May Allah bless them for what they are doing....Ameen...For a muslim, if he or she (but especially a male) is not doing dawah (fi-sabilillah) in this life then I humbly think any other time is a complete waste...totally utterly a waste of time for that individual...

on January 27, 2005 7:15 AM
asif said

My bad...i forgot the link about the murabitans.

here it is:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=572&ncid=572&e=2&u=/nm/20050125/lf_nm/religion_mexico_muslims_dc

Ma'Assalaama

on January 27, 2005 7:17 AM
kyoto said

What is ah-lul-bayt? The family of the prophet? like the syeds or something?
Man I really dont like these groupings the way our elders did or still do in classifying a family before looking into marriage...completely copied from the hindu caste system...another reason I dislike the desi trend and cultural baggage...

on January 27, 2005 8:06 AM
Justoju said

ahl al bayt= people of the house.

There are supposed to be two kinds of these. One is the direct ahl al bayt which are descendents of Ali (RA) and Fatima (RA). Desis call them syeds while a-rabs call them shareefs.

The other is the indirect or distant ahl al bayt which includes the descendents of the Rasool's (may Allah bless him and give him peace) uncles and other members of his family.

Lineage is important in Islam and utmost respect should be given to the family of the Rasool (may Allah bless him and give him peace) and to his bloodline, but yeah, people have taken it to a whole other level and often use it to fuel their own arrogance and nafs. It is quickly forgotten that it is not one's bloodline that makes one deserving of Jannah, or a good rishta.

on January 27, 2005 8:14 AM
asif the blacksheep said

i know this first hand as my family is supposedly syed....but Alhamdulillah....I am so glad that my family is not into nit picking the who's who's list of syeds or shareefs...I love me family..Alhamdulillah...maybe so, because they are all so plain and simple folks...and I am the black sheep of the family ...hehehehehe

on January 27, 2005 8:29 AM
Ibtisam said

in shaa' Allaah. This person seems to have ikhlaaq which is the most important thing to look for in a spouse. YOu have learned little sister. I am proud of you :)

on January 27, 2005 9:10 AM
Ibtisam said

Just curious, how does he know pashto, he served in the 1990 Afghan war or is he pakhtoon?

on January 27, 2005 9:11 AM
Justoju said

He knows pashto because he is a pure-bred pathan/pakhtoon/pashtoon.

I am 23 so I doubt that I am your 'little' sister :).

You make it sound like I didnt want akhlaq before and just recently discovered its importance :). Believe it or not, good akhlaq is actually one of the things that EVERYONE looks for, muslim or nonmuslim, consciously or unconsciously, openly or discreetly, because no one wants to be married to someone they or their dear ones cant get along with. The complication is that people have different ideas of what constitutes 'good akhlaq' depending upon their connection to certain values. I have always wanted to be married to someone who had natural dawah skills ("make a statement without saying a word") and whose character my family was in love with. A man's ability to be good to my family was always part of what constituted 'good akhlaq' to me.

on January 27, 2005 10:14 AM
Ibtisam said

(Shock!) you're older than me?
no!
oh okay, ma shaa Allaah great, I did not mean to imply you did not think akhlaaq was important or not but I just had this online impression that you were downplaying it wallaahu alim, just me impression. that is good, good to your family ma shaa Allaah. And dont worry just make du'a and salaatul istikhaara and if it is in your taqdeer it will be yours.

on January 27, 2005 11:55 AM
Justoju said

Its ok. I noticed many months ago that you had assumed that I was younger than you and I found it amusing so I didnt say anything :). And yeah, inshaAllah, there is no running from taqdeer. I dont think I want to run from this kind of taqdeer anyway :)

on January 27, 2005 12:21 PM
nazim said

assalam waalaikum
i am nazim h.yete i believe in allah only and he will only help me that i know please send me sooon a duwah for sucess in my up comming exams fast i am very much tensed . allahhafiz

on August 8, 2005 6:47 AM
Bint Abdul Khaliq said

As Salaamu Alaikum ww

You could recite this dua:

اللهم لا سهل إلا ما جعلته سهلا أنت تجعل الحزن إذا ما شئت سهلا

"Allahumma la sahla illama ja-'altahu sahla anta taj 'alu al hazana eza ma shi'ta sahal."

"Oh Allah! Nothing is easy except what you have made easy. If you wish, you can make the difficult easy."

Also Recite: ‘Rabb inniy maghloobun fantasir’ as much as possible.

'O my Lord, certainly I am overpowered. So help me.'


May Allah give you success in ur examinations of both worlds.Ameen.

on August 9, 2005 1:57 PM
Huda said

hey alhamdulillah,
that was awsome u pray for me

on March 11, 2006 8:17 PM
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