EXT -NIGHT. THE REMAINS OF A BLIZZARD ARE ALL AROUND, AS ASHER AND FATIMA DRIVE SLOWLY THROUGH THE PLUSH SNOW IN THEIR SUV. Fatima looks out at the remaining snowflakes falling onto the windshield. FATIMA I can't believe you're going all the way to Wegman's in this. ASHER Hey, I said it was your choice to come or not. FATIMA Oh really? First you come home late from work, then you want me to stay home ASHER (interrupting) Not wanting you to stay, just FATIMA well I'm sorry, but I already see too little of you nowadays. ASHER Awwww habibty, that's so sweet. FATIMA Oh please just be quiet. Asher can't suppress his amusement as he slides the car into the parking lot. They park in the nearest spot to the store, in a lot with only two other cars. FATIMA There's no one here. This place can't be open. ASHER Wait a sec, lemme go see. He never had to tell her to wait anymore. Fatima watched Asher walk towards the front door, which magically opened upon detecting his presence. She smiled as he walked back with a hurry in his pace. She wouldn't admit it, but she was glad it was open; this was their little adventure in the midst of a blizzard. Then came her favourite part of every outing, as Asher opened the door for her. ASHER Madame, your supermarket awaiteth. He sticks his hand out for her to grab as she takes cautioned steps to the ground. They struck a striking contrast against the white haven all around them. She in the black 'abaya she bought from Abu Hayl during their summer vacation to Dubai. He wearing one of the five outfits she loved to see him wearing; she always thanked his sister Maryam for buying him those pants and that jacket from the Kiswah boutique in Madeenah. INT -NIGHT. WEGMAN'S IS A MEGA SUPERMARKET. A SUPERSTORE WITH ALL SORTS OF FOODSTUFFS CONTAINED WITHIN IT. GARGANTUAN AISLES AND IMMENSE VARIETY DOMINATE THE PLACE. TONIGHT HOWEVER, IT IS EMPTY ON THE INSIDE. THERE IS ONE REGISTER OPEN AMONG THIRTY. A FEW EMPLOYEES LINGER AROUND THE OPEN REGISTER, HAVING NOTHING ELSE TO DO. Asher grabs a basket as they walk into the mega supermarket. FATIMA (suprised) Just a basket? You don't want a cart. ASHER Don't need a cart. I'm just here for one thing? FATIMA Oh you're kidding. You're seriously here just to buy one thing? I thought you were just messing. ASHER (casting a sly smile) Messing? With you? SubhaanAllah. But I guess yeah. There's one item, just multiple quantities. Asher navigates them through the pharmacy area, then crosses a few aisles to the right, passing the "no-way-there-are-that many" variety of green teas, and finally stops in front of a freezer. ASHER There. FATIMA What? Where? The glass door of the freezer reflected the look of pure joy on his face. ASHER There. (he points towards the freezer) Tofutti. Alhamdulillah. FATIMA (utterly confused) Toffuti? ASHER Yeah. He opens the freezer door and starts picking up three vanilla fudge and three chocolate fudge flavoured Tofuttis. Fatima picks one of the cases up. FATIMA You drove through the remnants of a blizzard for this? ASHER (non-chalantly) Yup. FATIMA (still reading the case) For ice cream. ASHER Not just ice cream. FATIMA Ice cream made with tofu? ASHER Oh, not simply ice cream made with tofu. FATIMA Milk free ice cream made with tofu. She has fun with this game. ASHER Oh more importantly, Fatima awaits eagerly, Asher takes a pause. ASHER More importantly... low fat. "How anti-climactic", she sighs to herself. ASHER Like you. - Three vanilla fudge flavoured Tofuttis: Eight dollars and fifty cents. - Three chocolate fudge flavoured Tofuttis: Another eight dollars and fifty cents. - Look of shock and near anger on Fatima's face: Priceless. Fatima scowled at him. ASHER Okay okay, I sorry. Please apology? FATIMA Don't try that cute, innocent act. You'll be working for this one. ASHER (winking) Hey, as long as you think I'm cute. Fatima shakes her head. ASHER Khallas, I'm just kidding. Ready to go? FATIMA What, I don't get any ice cream? ASHER La habibty, I didn't mean that. Whatever you want. FATIMA That's better. Now where's the real ice cream. ASHER It would be my pleasure to lead you to the location in question, my dear lady. FATIMA Yalla then. They walk towards the normal ice cream section, on the other side of the mega supermarket. ASHER You know, I was thinking something at work today. FATIMA Uh-huh. ASHER InshaAllah in about eight months when you know... FATIMA (alight with a smile) Yes I know. ASHER So, I was thinking... I can start calling you "Moti". Fatima stops dead in her tracks. She only knew a little Urdu to the shagrin of her parents, but did know that "Moti" meant "Fat Woman". Those two words did not mesh well in her mind. FATIMA You're on a roll today, aren't you? ASHER Lemme explain... Fatima doesn't say a word, and doesnt' move. ASHER When me and Maryam were kids, we used to really really bug this auntie we had named Fatima. Fatima's eyes rolled in anticipation of what was coming. ASHER So we used to mess around and call her "Fatty Ma", especially since she had five kids, and was, well, kinda a "Fatty Ma". Asher grinned like a two-year-old for just a moment. FATIMA Asher... you must really, really want to sleep on the couch tonight. Asher ignores those words, as they continue walking. ASHER So at work today, I was thinking how to take that a step further. FATIMA So it's gonna be a week on the couch for you, mashaAllah. Asher pays no attention. ASHER And then it hit me. Asher pauses in useless suspense. ASHER (raising his finger as though he had just proved the Riemann hypothesis) MOTI!!! FATIMA (shrugging him off) Mabrook, you have been bestowed with a couch to sleep on for the rest of your life. They finally arrive at the ice cream section. ASHER (still amused at himself) Here you go... take your pick. Fatima paced back-and-forth across the aisle trying to nail down her choice. "Edy's, Haagen-Dasz, Breyers... what do I pick?", she thought to herself. Then she saw it. It screamed out to her from behind the freezer door. FATIMA There it is. ASHER What? FATIMA The flavour I have been looking for all my life, and I didn't even know it. ASHER Alright, the suspense is seriously getting to me. Which one do you want? Fatima reaches into the Ben and Jerry's section and pulls out a flavor. FATIMA The story of my life. She turns the label and shows it to Asher. FATIMA Chubby Hubby. THE END.
cheater. you didn't change the story from script format to story format.
also, i hardly think a sister would react so lightly to her husband calling her fat, allahu 'alam.
then again, only asher could get away with it.on June 23, 2005 10:17 AM
why is it that brothers use "Fatimas" in their stories
and sisters like to use "Tariqs"
(I could never figure that out). But offcourse, could it be the meaning of the name Fatima, the non-literal meaning is love of all the world or something along that. I dunno).on June 23, 2005 10:32 AM
"The following is an artifact of COMPLETE AND UTTER FICTION. The Asher in this story is not a real Asher. Neither is the Fatima presented hereforth (and finally, nor is the Maryam who is mentioned). These are all figments of my imagination, and any similarity to any possible Ashers, Fatimas, and/or Maryams is complete coincidental"
-Are you serious? Your saying these names have nothing to do with any real life circumstances that have taken place recently? Comon brother! LOL!on June 23, 2005 10:50 AM
i like using fatima because i don't know any fatimas.on June 23, 2005 11:13 AM
MashaAllah very amusing piece.
Where may I find an "Asher" if they do indeed exist..?on June 24, 2005 12:56 PM
ah,....nobody beats Shakeel Khan of the One man series. You'll find the Ashers, Shakeels, in the writers heads offcourse.on June 24, 2005 3:34 PM
I came to an interesting realization recently. What beauty is for women is what money is for men. The more of it you have, the more likely you are to get married. However, if you don't posses enough of it, marriage will be difficult and if a prospect refuses to marry you on the ground that you don't have enough of it, it doesn't make them a bad person. You only have limited control over how much of it you have yet one of the most important sunnahs is kept from being fulfilled due to lack of it.
My message to those who are married...
Tell your spouse you love them today and do something special for them. You really are lucky to have them...
Now I sound like one of those people Talal made fun of in Where's the washing machine. Anyone's stomach hurting from hilarity yet?
WOW what a rant. Forgive me for that one guys.
Peace and Jummuah Mubarakon June 24, 2005 4:05 PM
blessings are less counted by those who have them. May Allah help you Br.Faisal and dont be sad, it is so unbefitting your personality, Allah has made you a pleasant slave of His and be happy, Allah will give you out of His bounty, ameen.
At least men have the potential of making more money in the future and can marry based on 'potential'...with women, its universally known that their biggest asset, their beauty, will only decrease with age.
And yes, I agree with br. Faisal. We are soooo lucky to have our spouses and dont deserve a single particle of their priceless existence. (releases mushy sigh).on June 24, 2005 5:00 PM
May Allah SWT grant us with a spouse that is first and foremost a blessing to the heart than to the eye. Aameen:)
The search has begun.. may Allah SWT guide us all in the right direction. Ameen.on June 24, 2005 5:21 PM
Realizing that society does adhere to the rules of falling prey to the nafs...
Alhamdulillah that we as Muslims recognize and inculcate within us that it isn't money, beauty, or some other material ornament, which should play a role in deciding who we are inshaAllah to spend the rest of our lives with.
Ya akh Faisal, I know that you know more than me that we are to take care of ourslves, after that it's just "qadr Allah wa ma sha'a fa'l".
These are the tests of life, so just bear them with strength and look forth into the not-so-far future, to those gardens beneath which rivers flow. Can you hear the trickle?
If you want to be the most beautiful woman, or the wealthiest man, you simply have to be content and satisfied with what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given you.
to the sisters... Asher is out there. Especially if you live in NJ. :D (I just can't help myself sometimes)on June 24, 2005 5:23 PM
sniff sniff:*) thankson June 24, 2005 7:15 PM
My nephew's name is Asher. But he is two years old. But he is still an awesome catch mashaAllah. Sign up while you can ladies.on June 24, 2005 9:09 PM
what's the meaning of 'asher' ? Is it an arabic name ?on July 1, 2005 3:37 PM