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January 5, 2006
She said, "mashaAllah"

by Talal Sarwani


Gibran never expected to be sitting in the car, going where he was going, on this trip. He had arrived ten days earlier for his sister's wedding. A married Maryam now in the passenger seat in front of him, endlessly smiling as she thought of their destination. Her husband Samer drove steadily through the traffic, honking away and drifting through the smallest of gaps between cars. Khadija, their seven-year-old sister, sat next to Gibran, giggling and hopping up and down next to hom, trying to get something out of him.
"Where are we goinggggggg, bhaijaan? Wheeeere are weee gooooingggg??".
Gibran tried to slyly laugh it off, but knew she was going to bubble away until he gave in. He flashed her a smile and winked, and Khadija got what she wanted.
"Teehee".

Maryam caught the smile and couldn't help herself.
"Where are we goinggggggg, Gibraaan? Wheeeere are weee gooooingggg??", she laughed.
Once he heard the snickering from Samer, Gibran knew the assault would continue for the remaining twenty minute ride.
"You know you guys aren't helping, right?"
"We're just trying to snap you out of your nervousness", said Maryam.
"Yeah bro, just chill. I know it's too hard to not be nervous at all, but just remember that you have to be yourself in there. The whole point of this is for you to come across as the person you are". Gibran knew Samer spoke from experience.
"I know, I know", sighed Gibran, "but it's still kinda 'ajeeb".

***

Saima's mother kept on pushing her to sit back down.
"Stop it, I don't want your clothes to get stained", her mother shouted in a whisper.
Her younger sister Zainab hovered over the stove, overseeing the battle of oil and ghee taking place in front of her.
"Ammi, I don't trust Zainab's cooking. What if she does a bad job?".
"Oy", blasted Zainab, catching her voice when she remembered there were guests in the sitting room, "you better watch it, or I'll add a little something to give him some nasty diarrhea".
"What do I care if he gets sick?", Saima answered nonchalantly.
"I don't know, why do you care so much that the food comes out alright?", Zainab winked at her sister as she plated the food.
Seeing the look of glee in Zainab's eyes, Saima knew it was in her best interest to stay quiet.
"See beta, I told you not to worry, look how mashaAllah beautiful the tray looks", said Ammi, trying to comfort Saima.
Saima took a look and agreed (on the inside), being most impressed that Zainab actually made green chutney look appetizing.
"With these skills, we'll have no trouble finding you a nice innocent boy, inshaAllah". A wicked smile appeared on Ammi's face as she said this to Zainab, and both the daughters remembered that they were still only apprentices in front of their mother, Master of Button-Pushing.
Saima picked up the tray and followed behind her mother. "It's true", she thought to herself, "butterflies do form".

***

Maryam embraced Saima's mother as she walked out the door, "Alright auntie. Jazaakillah khair for everything. InshaAllah we'll see you soon".
"Take care of yourself beta, and I want you back here with your husband for a nice dinner before you leave", said Auntie Salma.
"InshaAllah Auntie. Assalaamu alaikum".
"Wa alaikum as salaam".
Maryam walked out, as her parents and Khadija stayed inside for a few moments longer. She joined Gibran and Samer at the gate of the house.
"Where are Mom and Dad?", asked Gibran.
"They need to talk to Uncle and Auntie for a bit more", answered Maryam, passing a glance to Samer.
Samer starts walking to the car, "I'll go start the car so the AC is cool when they get in".
"So, what did you think?", Maryam asked Gibran.
It seemed to Gibran that things suddenly got quiet out there on the road. The sound of cars zooming by fell off into the distance, as the sounds of nature - the birds and some bees - made themselves apparent. He kicked the ground, watching hte dust rise up.
"I don't know what to say", he couldn't look straight at Maryam, "do I say alhamdulillah, do I say mashaAllah, or do I just go ahead and say 'Yes'?". Neither Gibran nor Maryam were able to contain a smile, as Gibran finally faced his sister for her advice.
"The family is nice", she said.
"Uff, that's so true mashaAllah. It was just fun watching the way our parents were chatting away. That part of the way I always wanted things is definitely there."
"and Saima?", Maryam pushed on.

***

Saima changed into her chillin' gear, and joined Zainab in the kitchen as she cleaned up. Zainab could finally begin her fun.
"Maryam baji is so cute mashaAllah. She still has that 'I just got married' glow about her".
"Yeah. Alhamdulillah I was surprised how down to earth she was. Not like what you expect the Amreekans to be like.", Saima agreed.
"So, Punjabi Princess", began Zainab.
Saima knew what was coming, so she put down the dish in her hands, and darted her eyes towards Zainab.
Zainab went on, "what did you think of the Amreekan who caught your eye just a few nights ago, and who found himself in our humble home but a few moments ago?".
"You know what they say about silence...", answered Saima.
"Maaa sha Allah", Zainab almost blushed.
"MashaAllah", agreed Saima.

to be continued...

of and relating to...
Justoju said

mashaAllah :)

(I love these rishta-process articles...ahh, the good old days of unmarried life...)

on January 5, 2006 10:11 AM
Asef said

Salaam:

Sister J: Nice to hear from you...back so soon from honey moon...Khair Insha'Allah.

OK, I have a scenario that i want to bounce off you guys, insha'Allah:

I need 4 volunteers (2 bro & 2 sis):

I will relate a setting and each one of the volunteers have to act as a manager.

My choice of volunteers are as follows (but anyone can participte):
Br. Talal & Br. Rami
Sis Ibtisaam & Sister Bint Saeed

The setting:
You are the dept manager and its that time of the year where you have to promote some of your reportees within the department.

And so you promoted one Miss. Ahmed to the next level while you did not promote her colleague Mr. Muhammad who works in the same capacity and with similar responsibilities.

Variables:
Now as the manager you have to consider many variables for promotion (but for our sake lets consider two, Performance and Time in current position).

And so, Miss Ahmed has been in the current position for a longer time while Mr. Muhammad performance and dedication is slightly higher than Miss Ahmed.

Yet you chose only to give Miss Ahmed the promotion this time around.

The Reality Check:
The day after the promotion announcement, Mr. Muhammad is very upset and demoralized and he wants to have a 1-1 with you about him not getting promoted.

The Task:
Ergo, as manager, your job is now to pacify Mr. Muhammad somehow so that he will continue to be a deligent worker in your department.


Alright...each volunteer (manager) should mention 3 points (and you can elaborate as much as you can) to drive your point home to Mr. Muhammad

Let the management skills begin...insha'Allah.

Ma'Assalaama
asif

on January 5, 2006 8:45 PM
Bint Saeed said

SubhanAllah...lol let me get back to you InshaAllah..

Have a blessed Jumm'uah all and make immense dua' for the hujjaj.

on January 6, 2006 12:42 AM
asef said

salaam:

Ok there is no pre-set right or wrong response to the above scenario. So, anything will go.

Also, volunteer managers are recommended to consult friends and family members if they so wish.

And lastly, do not make any "promises" or commitment to Mr. Muhammad that he will be promoted in the next review cycle.

Thanks for your participation.

Ma'Assalaama
asif

on January 7, 2006 1:50 AM
Rami said

Aslaaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

Unless Mr. Muhammed feels he has been treated equitably, the manager will have about 6 months until Mr. Muhammed quits or stops becoming prosuctive and just does the status qou.

If rewards are not based on performance and are based solely on carreer duration than the employee has no incentive to perform. Rather he will work the bare minimum nescassary to "survive" within the company. basically, just doing enough work so that he doesn't get fired.

The best thing for this manager to do is to give the promotion to Miss Ahmed and give a bonus (monetary or otherwise) to Mr. Muhammed for his good work.

According the 20/70/10 rule of management, all emplyees fall within three categories. The top 20% who work hard and are ambitious, the middle 70% who do just enought to get the work done and "survive" withing the company, and the bottom 10% who are reducing productivity.

The bottom 10% shoudl be fired right away.
The top 20% should be rewarded and properly utilized and trained to become leaders within the company.

If those in the top 20% are not rewarded, eventually the will just become part of the 70% (becuase they see no point in doing more work if rewards are not performance based) or they will leave and go to another company.


on January 7, 2006 2:48 AM
Ibtisam said

In reply to Br.Asef's manager situation:

I agree with Br.Rami,good answer. I would say reward Mr.Muhammad with something so that he keeps up his good work for the benefit of the company.

on January 7, 2006 3:13 PM
gillette said

Someone talk about the article. Good? Terrible? On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most intriguing, how would you rate this?

On another note, I'm not sure how often polygamy happens among non-Muslims, but here you go:

"Zay Harding veers off the tourist trail to explore the Central African country of Cameroon. Here he meets many different ethnic groups from the hunter gatherer pygmies of Djoum, to the Kirdi of the north who predict his fortune using crabs, to the chiefdom of Oudjilla where he meets not only the king but also HIS FIFTY WIVES [emphasis mine]!

"In between, he attempts to complete the grueling and steep Mount Cameroon Marathon, tries his hand at Bakweri wrestling, visits a vibrant market in Torou and comes face to face with all sorts of wildlife including hippos and gorillas."

http://www.pilotguides.com/tv_shows/globe_trekker/shows/africa/cameroon.php

on January 7, 2006 5:53 PM
asef said

Salaam:

Yes, Br. Hassan comments abour Polygamy reminded me that in the tribal setup in Nigeria (which is also a neighbor of Cameroon) the chief has to have multiple wives...and numerous sons/daughters from them. And it seemed like they all got along alright...

Actually, there is this weird rule that after the death of the father, the eldest son becomes chief, and other than his mother, all other former wives of his father now becomes his wives...Complete Jahiliyah...but it is practiced by the pagans in the west-central African region.

On second note...about Mr. Muhammad and his 1-1 with his manager...I was actually looking for the discourse or discussion that will ensue between the manager and Mr. Muhammad (and not necessarily the obvious solutions).

Ma'Assalaama
asif

on January 8, 2006 12:22 AM
Faisal Akhtar said

How about I play Mr. Muhammad?

Mr. Muhammad (in a flat tone) Good morning!

(waiting for a response)

on January 8, 2006 10:26 AM
asef said

Salaam:

Br. Faisal...good initiative

But, I would like you to add the purpose of this meeting and what you want to discuss and plausible outcomes.

Then...someone can respond back.

later, you may have another set of comments or questions, and some others may respond (depending on how the conversation/exchange goes), insha'Allah.

Ma'Assalaama

on January 8, 2006 11:20 AM
ASEF said

Salaam:

EID MUBARIK...EVERYONE!!!!

OK, I will be Muhammad and I will say/ask three things and all potential volunteer managers have to reply back (I hope atleast 2/4 should respond back).

Muhammad:
This is the only way I thought of speaking with you and bringing to your attention about the recent promotion announcement that you have made within the dept/group.
I just want to hear from you why I did not get promoted in the last review cycle?

Manager (response):

Muhammad:
I have performed at a very high level during the past year compared to my colleague, who got promoted, and I have received more awards in the same period. Moreover, you know that I always do a quality job with outmost professionalism. By not getting promoted, I cant help but getting demoralized about my situation as this is not just about money, this is about the title.

Manager (response)

Muhammad:
You have asked us to be leaders in our group and take initiatives, and this is exactly what I have been doing in the past year, yet the only reason I did not get the promotion was because of my time in the current position. So, how can I be assured that I am a fast-track candidate for earlier promotion or should I just cool my jets and do the minimum to get promotion when my time is due?

Manager (response):


Alrighty then....lets hear some manager's responses, insha'Allah

Ma'Assalaama

on January 9, 2006 3:40 PM
fezzik said

Assalamualaikum

that article was awesome br. talal. In all of your stories, I think you develop your characters very well. The things they do and say seem very natural and believable for the people they are. ex. the nervousness of gebran, teasing of zainab, how maryam understands her brother without him saying much and the shy yet happy disposition of Saima.

I also like how the dialogue is to the point and meaningful. Your writing style definitely keeps us interested throughout.

Can't wait to read the next one. Mashallah keep up the great work Hidaya writers..you inspire the rest of us.

on January 10, 2006 7:46 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

This is a complaint to all Hidaya writers. You guys are really bad at completing your stories. I can name atleast three or four unfinished series. Please finish what you start. It is quite annoying to be left hanging.

on January 11, 2006 12:11 PM
Talal said

Akhee, why so negative?

It's only been a week since the story began, and it's 'Eid time. InshaAllah the rest will be coming very soon.

on January 11, 2006 2:02 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

This is just friendly advice to improve Hidaya, I am not trying to be negative but as a loyal Hidaya reader, I have every right to be. The hidaya public is still waiting on the devils deception series, the Qital Talal series, the One man's love series, the He's just a friend series, Tawakuul and Tea Series...you get the point.

I say don't start a series if you don't intend to finish it. It is annoying as anything. What if I had never posted traditions part 2? How painfully irritating would that have been?

By the way this is not just for you Talal. This is for all Hidaya writers. With the exception of Rami and Saima, all other regular writers who had started a series have not finished. Come on guys, I love your writing, I need more I say.

on January 11, 2006 3:03 PM
gillette said

My "The Devil's Deception" series was a disaster. I could think of no way to salvage that series.

on January 12, 2006 12:17 AM
saima said

It wasn't a disaster at all, quite intriguing actually. I remember I kept looking for part 6, still am actually.

I had teh exact same sentiments as brother Faisal did, to be quite honest, when I read this piece. So please please please, finish this one. Insha Allah.

Actually it would be awesome if all writers could provide an end to any unfinished series they've started (and not just for the sake of ending it).

Thanks,
Saima

on January 12, 2006 10:18 PM
Talal said

I think the writers get the idea. InshaAllah we'll all work towards bringing closure for our readers :)

any opinions on the piece?

on January 13, 2006 1:48 AM
Justoju said

InshaAllah I'll try to finish the Tawakkul and Tea series once I finish my daily tasks of washing, drying, folding, ironing, vacuming, dusting, scrubbing, cooking, bed-making, foot/back/head-massaging, sweetly supporting, and arabic-reviewing.

God, no wonder female writers disappear after marriage...This whole domestic engineering stuff is almost as hard as learning Arabic--especially when you have been a spoiled self-centered brat like me your whole life.

Word to the Sisters: Learn from your moms before you get married.


on January 14, 2006 6:15 AM
bint abdul khaliq said

"God, no wonder female writers disappear after marriage...This whole domestic engineering stuff is almost as hard as learning Arabic--especially when you have been a spoiled self-centered brat like me your whole life.

Word to the Sisters: Learn from your moms before you get married."

You making me scared sis...lol Jazakillah for the advice

on January 14, 2006 6:43 AM
asef said

Salaam:

Sister Justoju: May Allah bring barakah and rahma in your newly wedded house and family...Ameen.

"Domestic Engineering", Nice wording sis.

BUT, this is so true....

This is a fore-gone conclusion that most men(regrdless of what background; culture, education, and financial) will ever consider doing "domestic engineering" after a marriage - unless he was used to doing that prior to marriage.....

.....but in the case of ladies, its almost universally understood that woman are groomed to do the lion's share of Domestic Engineering...there is no vagueness and illusion in this...

And so, for all those sisters looking to get married, the first set of expectation that will be "encumbant" upon you (by your in-laws, including your husband) is Domestic-Engineering...Let there be no doubt in this.

Moreover, even if you were to have a separate home of your own as newly weds, still, your husband would "expect" you to cook well and do all that defines Domestic Engineering.

So let me put it in another way...

a wife to a husband is a Domestic Goddess first and foremost, than her being a doctor, a teacher, a PhD or anything else that she would care to define herself with...if the lady sucks in domestic engineering, nothing else will impress her husband...

All this may seem like chauvinistic views, but this is reality, and perhaps all men to some extent are chauvinistics...Allahu Aalim

One last thing...for sisters (and brothers)...when it comes to human dynamics of interactions and communications...setting the right expectations is probably the most important aspect of any human interactions...SO, do not enter into marriage with the expectation that your new wife is gonna take care of all domestic affairs from day one....and neither should you consider that your husband is just gonna waive the Domestic Engineering from your role just because you were a "princess" at your father's house!

And Allah knows best, since HE made us the way we are!

Ma'Assalaama

on January 14, 2006 11:18 AM
gillette said

‘Aisha (radhiyallaahu anhaa) was asked, “What did the Messenger of Allah do with his family?” She said: “He was busy with his family until it was time to pray and then he prayed.”

(Sahih al-Bukhari)

On the authority of al-Qasim, on the authority of ‘Aisha (radhiyallaahu anhaa) that he asked, “What did the Messenger of Allah do in his house?” She said: “He was a man among men, he
cleaned his garment, he milked his sheep and he served himself”.

(Ahmad with an authentic chain)

On the authority of ‘Urwah ibn az-Zubayr, on the authority of ‘Aisha (radhiyallaahu anhaa) that he asked, “What did the Messenger of Allah do in his house?” She said: “He mended his garment, patched his shoes and he did in his house what men do in their houses.”

(Ahmad with an authentic chain)

The female student of Islamic knowledge especially needs her husband’s help in raising the children and caring for them, in order for her to study from the Qur’an and Sunnah what is needed for her to practice her religion and assist her in bringing up her children in a proper and sound way. We ask Allah to guide our men.

Taken from: "The Man Beautifying Himself for His Wife & Helping Her with Housework"
by Umm Salamah
(an Excerpt for her book "Supporting the Rights of The Believing Women")
http://www.tarbiyyahbookstore.com/articles/Excerpt_from_SRBW1.pdf

on January 14, 2006 12:49 PM
saima said

I have to say I agree with Justujo (although, Justujo, just wait till you become a parent). Married life is work, and what I'd say to every muslim unmarried girl out there, DO NOT TAKE YOUR PRE-MARRIAGE LIFE FOR GRANTED. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not bad at all. It's different though. You're still teh one cooking and cleaning and wiping and dusting when you're sick. You still have to get up at 6:30 am, sick or not, to send the kids to school, check homework, etc. It's a tough life, specially once you become a parent.

I say this coz many of us (including myself) do take our parents (specially mom's) for granted. You have NO idea what they have to do, put up with, till you become a parent. And by then, you can't go back and repay your parents for what they have done for you. So, spend your time wisely with them. Thank them, and try to give'em a break every now and then from being a parent. It's a 24-7 job, no sick time, no vacations, no breaks.

That goes for the brothers too. Marriage is a HUGE responsibility, and sometimes stressful too. So be glad and thank your parents for making life as worry-free as they have made it thus far. I know it's not true for everyone, but it might be so for the general public.

Again, that's not scare anyone from married life. But many ppl assume married life would be as they have 'some-what' envisioned it to be. Suffice is to say, it's a whole new world, and every action you take affects it greatly.

And then you become a parent .....

on January 14, 2006 1:45 PM
saima said

I just want to stress that I am in no way saying that marriage and becoming a parent is a negative experience. Far from it, so sorry if I scared anyone. It's just not to be taken lightly either.

Truly, you won't know real joy till you've heard your 2 yr old recite a Surah in his broken language, or you won't know real fear when your toddler looks at a girl and wants to play with her instead of playing with teh fellow boy classmates. But that's parenting for you. I hope that stays to be my greatest fear, and not anything worse. Insha Allah we'll all raise Mumins that can form a better Muslim society and ultimately a better world, and who'll happily meet Allah on Judgement day, Ameen.

on January 14, 2006 1:54 PM
Faisal Akhtar said

Since we are on the topic of marriage (when are we not?) I just wanted to let everyone know, I am getting my nikah done on March 31st in Pakistan. Everyone is invited if you can make the trip.

Wasalam

on January 14, 2006 2:27 PM
saim said

Congratulations!!!

May Allah bless this marriage ang the children to come, Insha Allah. May you have a very happy and blessed marriage, and may you both help each other get closer to Allah ... Ameeen.


on January 14, 2006 2:38 PM
Talal said

MashaAllah... Ameen to Sr. Saima's du'aa.

'Tis funny... the other day a brother asked me how things were with Hidaya, and I told him that the awesome crew of writers is withering down due to marriage and/or med school. I see now why that is :)

Marriage certainly isn't easy, but we do what we do because we have our eyes on the prize. Fulfilling our roles and responsibilities in the temporal dunya we pray will grant us the reward of Jannatil Firdaus for eternity.

And umm... all of you please write again :)

on January 14, 2006 2:43 PM
Bint Abdul Khaliq said

As Salaamu alaikum

Jazakillah for the insight sisters,im loving it.

Its good to know honestly what to expect before committing urself to something as important as marriage.Many unamarried sisters have this 'fairy tale' image of what its all about,then when it doesnt happen that way they wonder what went wrong.

On a lighter note,a more professional term for a'House Wife' is a 'Home Executive'.
To qualify for this post a girl needs to acquire her BSc degree = Baking Sewing Cooking

(for some males it = Behind Shop Counter)

May Allah keep your marriages filled with love and happiness always.Ameen.

was Salaam

on January 14, 2006 2:53 PM
amatullah said

Faisal Akhtar said:

"Since we are on the topic of marriage (when are we not?) I just wanted to let everyone know, I am getting my nikah done on March 31st in Pakistan. Everyone is invited if you can make the trip.

Wasalam"

masha Allah, Congrats bro ...Join the Sunnah Marriage Movement

http://sunnahmarriage.blogspot.com

on January 14, 2006 4:25 PM
Bint Saeed said

Mabruk Alayk Br. Faisal...plz bring us back some meetahi:)

SubhanAllah, everyone shared some awesome thoughts on marriage (both married, newlymarried, and those patiently waiting oh and lets not forget those who have come back to the waiting line)!

I remember sitting with a group of aunties who were sipping their chai and just talking away about marriage. One thing really stuck in mind and that was when one aunty clearly stated that a Ph D in this or that doesnt make someone a better *wife* nor does it serve as an excuse for a woman to rid herself of her responsiblities. Phd or not when you marry you are a WIFE, MOTHER, DAUGHTER and SISTER. That is what Allah SWT is going to hold your accountable for. SubhanAllah! I guess it was her way of saying "Girl youz got works to do and you best do it right!" aka-->know your responsiblities prior to marriage...aka..take Fiqh of Love this Feb:) *okay I added that last part;) *

on January 15, 2006 1:17 AM
bint Abdul Khaliq said

As Salaamu Alaikum

"One thing really stuck in mind and that was when one aunty clearly stated that a Ph D in this or that doesnt make someone a better *wife* nor does it serve as an excuse for a woman to rid herself of her responsiblities."

Very true sis..and for the proof of this we have no further to look than our older generation.They might not have been qualified academically, but they were Masters in the way they skillfully handled their household duties and perfected them.Something many of us today can only dream of achieving...

(sigh)A girls got to do what a girls got to do...lol

Was Salaam

on January 15, 2006 5:10 AM
Justoju said

Wow, I am glad I jumpstarted this thread again with my incessant complaining ;)

Br. Faisal- May your marriage be blessed and may you and your wife walk hand in hand to Jannah together inshaAllah.

InshaAllah, I feel inspired all of a sudden to write a sister's article on making your post-marriage life for the sake of Allah :). I figure I'll eventually get to it sometime before Ramadan inshAllah.

I agree with what everyone has said so far. Dont take things for granted and dont think that things will be 'easy' after marriage. Its always work, for both the woman AND the man. Lemme tell you, its no easier for the husbands either. My hubby (who is adorably patient with me) tries to help out with whatever he can around the house--despite the fact that he just came home from a full day of work at a job that he only does for my sake when he would much rather be studying his arabic and islamic stuff. The LEAST that I can do for my sweetheart is make sure things are as he likes them (unfortunately tidy) when he comes home, to get him his food right away, and to get him to relax as much as possible. When you 'realize' what this man is doing on a daily basis for you, the freedom and mobility that he has voluntarily forfeited, you cant help but genuinely WANT to give him massages (though be careful, men get addicted quite easily), speak in soothing tones and recite poetry to him, cook clean and scrub for him. You do these things for him joyfully out of a realization of what he does for you.

And its ALL worth it when he gives you that 'look' of grateful admiration, holds you reeeaaally tight, and tells you that he loves you soooooo much and is the luckiest man in the world.

I am living with my new mom and dad and am glad I decided to learn the ropes of marriage life and settle into a comfortable routine before I pursued my masters. I am not afraid or insecure that I wont be able to get to it; I know I will inshaAllah (even if it comes many years later), but right now the future of my married life demands that I learn certain skills and build a certain relationship with my husband and in-laws that would be difficult to build were I stressed out and tired from school all the time.

MashaAllah, despite its new challenges and hard work, I LOVE my life. Its different from the old one but has its own poetic beauty. MashaAllah, I have an amazing new family (who I actually WANT to help and serve), and a grateful husband who knows exactly how to make my day sunnier. Married life is tough, but it is also some of the most rewarding work (in this life and the next) that a woman may encounter. When you get over your illogical expectations and start seeing your new life with its new people through a lens of gratefulness and gentility, you realize how amazingly lucky you truly are, mashaAllah wAlhamdulillah.

Married life aint so bad.

on January 15, 2006 8:16 AM
asef said

Assalaamu Alaikum Ya Hidaya-een!

I am so proud of you all, especially to sister Justoju and sister Saima for imparting their reflections on married life...there is pofound wisdom and optimisim in what they have related here on this topic...Alhamdulillah.

My special dua for you both sisters is that may each day bring a glad tiding by the Mercy of Allah to you, your family, and loved ones, and may you get the Best of this life and the hereafter...Ameen.

Br. Faisal, May Allah bless your Aqd (nikah) with this muslimah back in pakistan and may Allah bring future Islamic leaders from your loins...Ameen


Also, may Allah bless all sisters & brothers on Hidaya with a happy and secure marriage which will be a means for them to serve Allah and be accepted as HIS humble servant in this life and in the hereafter...Ameen!

Ma'Assalaama

on January 15, 2006 11:12 AM
asef said

Salaam:

Here is one plausible series of responses by a (volunteer) manager:


Muhammad:
This is the only way I thought of speaking with you and bringing to your attention about the recent promotion announcement that you have made within the dept/group.
I just want to hear from you why I did not get promoted in the last review cycle?

Manager (response):
Thank you Muhammad for calling this meeting.

I will get back to your specific question in a bit, but let me start by saying that promoting an individual within our operations require a certain process, some of these are corporate and some are dept. specific.

Moreover, before anyone is to be promoted, the management has to ensure that the candidate has met most (if not all) of the requirements necessary, and is eligible for promotion. This is necessary to ensure consistency in our impelmentation of the promotion process.

All potential promotion cases are reviewed independently by the management and all variables are accounted for in the decision making process.

I just wanted to relate, what I just said, for your own reference.

But coming back to your initial query, there were other reasons of you not getting promoted to the next level, but the main reason was the short duration in your current position.

Meaning, the managemnt could not justify a back to back promotion in your case.

Muhammad:
I have performed at a very high level during the past year compared to my colleague, who got promoted, and I have received more awards in the same period. Moreover, you know that I always do a quality job with outmost professionalism. By not getting promoted, I cant help but getting demoralized about my situation as this is not just about money, this is about the title.

Manager (response)
I do acknowledge and can (somewhat) relate to your situation and reasoning.

However, I want to add here that in the past year your excellent work ethics and professionalism-with attention to details-is what had prompted the mangement to even consider you as a candidate for promotion in this review cycle.

As far as our records are concerned, you are the only person in our department to have been evaluated this early, this soon, in between promotions.

So yes, your work is highly appreciated by your management and we hope to see a continuation of such zeal and effort from you in the coming review cycle.

Muhammad:
You have asked us to be leaders in our group and take initiatives, and this is exactly what I have been doing in the past year, yet the only reason I did not get the promotion was because of my time in the current position. So, how can I be assured that I am a fast-track candidate for earlier promotion or should I just cool my jets and do the minimum to get promotion when my time is due?


Manager (response):
Muhammad, I cannot guarantee you nor will I make promises of when you will get promoted to next level.

I will not pacify you now by making (weak) commitments for the furture. To do so will be not respecting you, and your exceptional work here.

You are an asset to our department, and to our company, and you exude leadership that is very consructive and beneficial to our group. I wish everyone in our group were performing at similar level as you.

All I can say, however, is that if you continue to consistently perform at your current pace and be an essential team player within our department, then as your manager, I will try my best to see you reap the benefits and help you progress within our department and company.

Thank you very much for your time.

*** THE END ***


on January 19, 2006 5:20 PM
Talal said

I kinda re-began this series, and ended it, for the latest production of the Durbah Newsletter Squad:

Kiswahtul Azwaj
http://forums.almaghrib.org//showthread.php?t=15837

It's a three part story of Wisam & Butheina now.
- Looking for Love
- Falling in Love
- Living with Love

The tale follows the same path I was going to take with the "She said..." series.

on April 1, 2006 2:55 PM
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